Archive for the ‘Submissive Thoughts’ Category

About a year ago, I got myself lucky not only to cross the path of Mistress Natalia at the Hellfire club, but also that She found some interest in training me. Anyone who knows Her would not be surprised that I got an instant crush, that left me breathless and immediately eager to follow Her lead. Yet, I had not a clue which path I was going to take albeit I anticipated it would be intense.

Of course, I already had some experience as a submissive and at that time I had somehow overcome the struggle and denial period that many men experience when they discover their desires – I should say “needs”- to submit to a Dominatrix. I was also wise enough not to have any expectations and even if I was worried to fail, I was not scared to throw myself into Her hands to do the best I could to reach the high level of service She requires. Indeed, even if I ignored how much struggle there was ahead, I could recognize here an amazing opportunity and I took this chance very seriously.

afteroneyear2

at the Hellfire club with Mistress Natalia

At that time, I was really just hanging around places to indulge my cravings to be disciplined in the service of a Dominatrix. I have to admit that most of the time, I was really playing this as a fantasy and I was not looking for any relationship probably because the previous one had been really disappointing and led me to get out of it. Maybe for that reason, I was very much centered on my senses when interacting with a Mistress and that was making me do silly RP emotes – as I was reminded by Miss Rosa – when I had  a conversation with Her, a few weeks before meeting Mistress Natalia, and during which I was ridiculously biting my lips every other minute.

Still, as I said, my experience was not nonexistent, and I had learned how my enthusiasm to please and serve was above every other need. I knew also that my fetishes were all conditioned by this fundamental desire: I was not concerned to satisfy any specific fetish except the one to please a Dominant I would feel connected with. I was even ready to make some sacrifices if they were within certain limits which, I thought were necessary and healthy in any D/s relationship.

The emotional shock of meeting Mistress Natalia changed everything in a matter of a couple of hours. In the next days, weeks and months, my desire to please and obey took another dimension with Her. It made me powerless before anything She challenged me with, even when, what I called my limits, were at stake. Little by little, I learned what it means to really serve and I saw myself swallowing my pride in order to comply with anything beyond my limits as I was emotionally tormented just for Her amusement. It was also a lesson of how to serve properly as I was really punished when I deserved it, but also genuinely rewarded and encouraged when I was improving. Most of the time, I made substantial progresses by going through the struggles that I overcame by digging deep into my growing passion for Mistress Natalia just to get the resources and the strength to endure the most challenging moments.

oneyearafter1

Mistress Natalia and Her bitch

Of course, this would have been impossible without the wonderful connection that we share and Her amazing talent  for  communication in order to create a trusting atmosphere between us. When I look back, I now recognize where She set some of the building bricks of the solid mutual trust that we share now. Undoubtedly, it made me evolve as a submissive or a slave when I understood that this very trust allows me to remove the limits I previously had. It’s not something that was acquired in a few days or without difficulties, but the reward of this relationship is worth a thousand times the price of the struggles, which were inevitable and are now here to witness my growth.

In the last 12 months, I have therefore thrived on giving in unconditionally to my desire to please, to submit and to follow Mistress Natalia’s lead in this relationship. She knows my desire to submit fully and She trusts me to obey on anything as I do not put any limits in my submission to Her. My trust in Her is what makes me strong about it, and I know when it is a good time to speak about my concerns if I have some, or if I need to ask Her help in case I am unsure about something. I quickly learned than trying is never an option as it just shows an inherent acceptation of the possibility to fail when failure is unacceptable, and working the hardest is the only way to go and to grow as a slave. I have also grasped how to read Her mood or desires, and to do always my best to anticipate Her whims. Each time I see Her, I feel at the same time excited and anxious to be at my best to serve Her like I was the first times we met.

Of course, this constant preoccupation and desire that Mistress Natalia is pleased and happy, makes me Her totally subservient bitch, something I assume peacefully as I am entirely convinced that this dynamic is not only what I need, but also what is best for Mistress Natalia and for me in our relationship, even if at some other times, we have non BDSM interactions.  Indeed,  although I have been struggling in the past about my submissive side and my needs, being half the time in denial and not understanding it, I have come, under Mistress Natalia’s leadership, to embrace it completely like never before. In fact, I believe that I have now succeeded – thanks to Her – to get rid of the male entitlement that was probably the main obstacle to genuinely accept the obvious of my position as a bottom in such a relationship while staying totally confident about myself. This fact combined with our mutual trust,  allows me to follow Her training in depth and be totally putty in Her hands without holding back. Moreover I feel that being under Her is where I always needed to be as being successful in serving Her fills me and makes me complete as my desires stay intact and keep me eager to always do anything for Her happiness. One can see this as being totally captive with the need to do always more and always better. In that sense, I am objectively completely owned by Her and nothing makes me happier.

Snapshot_002 copy

a special moment with Mistress Natalia

We interact through SL, but our relationship is very real. It involves emotions and a genuine devotion on my side as Mistress Natalia assumes the full responsibility of Her leadership. Recently, She gave me the honor and privilege to be Her partner. It made me absolutely elated as I see it as a recognition that I make Her happy and that She desires I keep doing so. It is an amazing motivation and encouragement to do even more for Her and I will keep working hard to be at the highest level of her expectations.

written by frenchy on March 1st, 2017.

 

 

If you have read the last post of this chastity blog, you must remember I was left with the RL challenge to go to a strip-club as I was all locked-up in my chastity device and to order a lap dance to add to my humiliation. As I could not even think of not doing it, I was still unsure how to do this. However, as you will read again this time, it is only one manifestation of my submission and dependence upon Mistress Natalia who not only holds the keys of my chastity, but who also can punish me emotionally when, too comfortable (see the up-coming post of Mistress Natalia), I made the worst kind of mistake. The challenge at the strip-club then appeared as a playful recreation compared to the blunder I made and the emotional stress that followed. I can only be grateful to Mistress Natalia for how She helped me go through this intense moments of my submission. To know more about it, please keep reading. I hope you find this instructive as much as I did and that it amuses at least as much as I ached.

chastitylogpart7_011

5/12 Day 9

Yesterday morning as I was writing my log, Mistress Natalia arrived online unexpectedly. After checking I was wearing my chastity device, that I have been getting a hard time to put on since I am slightly aroused when I start putting it, she wickedly  but also deliciously teased me. My arousal restricted to the size of my device cage  ended pitifully to be just desperate convulsions of my penis and abundant leaking, leaving me frustrated but at the same time extremely excited especially after the nice words from Mistress Natalia I definitely fall deeper for… She left as she was making me guess something about how I am and what makes me  special to Her eyes and I am still unsure of what it is….

Later, I saw Miss Rosa who promoted me to the rank of “Guide” at DS, a sort of junior Mentor. I was happy to see She is pleased with me to give me this responsibility.
But more importantly, yesterday I looked for a strip club in NY where I can go to. According to Yelp and some other reviews, the best place to go to is something called “Rick’s cabaret”. Another good one is called “Penthouse Exclusive Club” but it opens only at night and it’s for me more difficult to go in the evening. I could invent a lie to my wife with the pretext of a professional dinner but that makes me very uncomfortable …. and I might keep some residue of women scents on me when I return home just after that….So it’s better if I go in the afternoon….

Otherwise, yesterday as I will today I kept the device locked up with the actual lock all day so about 10 hours in a row. I felt the lock swinging slightly when I was walking and the vibration echoing with the feeling of being owned by Mistress Natalia aroused me a few times. I feel so happy to be Hers…

Now that I read what I wrote earlier, I cannot send this log without saying the terrible thing that happened today.

During a conversation at DS with a Divine, bitchy and lance , I fucked up and recklessly say some joke saying something I should not have. I was clearly not thinking and Miss Rosa is furious and so much pissed at me that she even de-friended me. I am devastated. Knowing what could have been the consequences of  my reckless and stupid chit chat makes me sick. Losing Miss Rosa’s trust and friendship is irreparable and knowing I have probably disappointed Mistress Natalia is crushing me even more.

5/15 Day 12

After a terrible night, I logged on Saturday morning and talked a bit with Mistress Natalia about what happened on Friday. She was of course disappointed by what happened but She generously told me “she would clean up my mess” which of course means also she will “rub my nose with it” as she said.  However she kindly said nice words so that I can relax for the rest of the day which I did. I felt very grateful of these simple words which showed she really cares for me.

I also spoke with Miss Rosa who generously got me back into her friend list. I did not stay long after writing a NC explaining my analysis of what happened  and I wrote another one about the conversation with lance. Miss Rosa appreciated what I wrote and how I analyzed the situation. She today generously told me that all this was almost behind us and that Mistress Natalia and Her decided they will go easy on me because of my genuine repentance. She also told me today lance and I will be auctioned next month at Dominion. I feel proud that they think I am worthy enough for that but I am nervous about the terms of this auction…whoever auctions me, I will miss Mistress Natalia during the interval of time I will be serving someone else….

The rest of the Saturday was well spent. I went to an Indian restaurant with my wife and then we enjoyed some time in Central Park. At night, we went to the movies and watched “The Man who knew infinity” about the romantic figure of S. Ramanunjan who was an Indian mathematician of the 1910’s. It was quite moving and very accurate of the life.

In my reflection about my blunder, I thought of an analogy between being a slave and playing the game of chess. In that game, there are usually two human opponents but one can also play against a computer. A computer never make any blunder or mistakes but the human does. Actually even the word champion can’t beat the computers. A slave fighting his bad habits, his male ego or entitlement and working to follow the rules given to him by his owner is like the human chess player against a computer. Even if he works hard and perfectly, the slightest mistake will punish him. Like in a chess game where a  blunder can lead to the loss of the game even if he has played perfectly until then, the punishment is immediate. I was thinking to elaborate this analogy and write a small text for the blog of Mistress Natalia. I have thought also about a couple of other ideas that I will tell her when I see her next…

I keep missing Mistress Natalia as if She never leaves my thoughts for very long…

5/16 Day 13

Yesterday evening, I watched the film of Tom Ford “A single man” which I recommend. It was the second time, I watched it and I loved it even more this time. The visual aesthetic of the style of the 60’s, the perfect acting of Colin Firth and the amazing music of Abel Korzeniowski are stunning. The sadness is not forced nor mushy but has a transcendental beauty that is rare. I really enjoyed it even though I was impatient to come online to see Mistress Natalia who I missed despite my anxiety for what was waiting for me.

The instant I got logged in, I got what I deserved, Mistress Natalia rubbed my mess into my nose as She said and I endured Her emotional abuse for about an hour before I begged Her to dismiss me. My heart was aching and pounding all the time, my stomach was tightened and the pain would not let me  able to stay focused on anything. I had to implore Her to let me go offline so that I can try to gather some relief to be able to write the 300 words She wanted before this morning, which I did right after. I took some pill and went to bed but I could not sleep anyway. I felt a weight in the middle of my chest almost all night and probably had not more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep. Despite of the last words She told me last night, that She would not bother with this if she did not love me, despite I know I deserve this punishment, I woke up with the same weight on my chest this morning still feeling vividly the scars of the last night abuse. When I think about last night, I wondered if I am too sensitive or if I am just too much in love with Mistress Natalia making me extremely vulnerable to the slightest emotional abuse and even wonder if would  hold on better with a hundred blows of a real life whip on my back.

I wonder how Mistress Natalia feels, when she punishes me like that, what She thinks. My pain is mixed with a feeling of gratitude as I know she does this because she loves me and is confident that I can  improve but also with a feeling of guilt about how stupid I was. I still feel I have a lot to learn but I also sometimes doubt if I am made for this.  Only my deep trust in Mistress Natalia keeps me on the track in these moments even if I am confident that  I have a lot to give to make Her happy. And I hope She sees that too.

5/17 day 14

As soon as I arrived in my office I put on my chastity device and I kept it all day until 7pm just before returning home. I even kept it during lunch time and during a seminar. I was not aroused at all by anything so it did not bother me too much. I went online after my seminar and discussed with an old friend. I enjoyed to talk to her.  Then Mistress Natalia arrived. I was happily surprised as I did not think she would be online after a probably tiring flight. We talked about different things, it felt like a ray of sunlight in my day.  Under her instruction, I also went to DS. She did not stay very long there  though but I had to stay and endure the games of Mistress Seforah and Goddess Suprema who did not let me leave very easily. Each time now Goddess Suprema does that, asking me to beg 10 different times and using all the synonyms she made me look for. She can be grateful to Mistress Natalia that She has left me there at her disposal for that race game. When I eventually got allowed to log after what I think was  more than half an hour of begging without response, I was in rage of frustration. When I arrived back online yesterday night she had left me this offline.

[20:08] Goddess SUPREMA (jayjurak.zheng): (Saved Mon May 16 19:20:39 2016)french fry…I am very strict on you bitch.. because.. you have good potential to serve..  and elevate the sim . too..as I say this..I am disappointed you not participate in race but that was My Apprentices call.. I wanted you to be in race..

I think that was actually the reason why she would not let me go….there are worse things than that of course, but as Mistress Natalia said it…I might not be not the perfect slave for DS. Anyhow, I went to DS to greet Miss Rosa and she asked me to “fuck the hole” of declan. So I did the RP of fucking declan as I dominated him harshly when as the same time Miss Rosa was humiliating the hell out of him. It was fun and declan told me right after that it was hot and that he enjoyed a lot how Miss Rosa and I were onto him…As it was late, I went to bed shortly after that.

Last night, I got several strong throbbing arousal (and leaking without touching) when I thought of Mistress Natalia and how I feel more and more owned by Her and progressively completely deprived of my will, but yet serene as I trust Her.  I also thought of what I have to do today (the visit to the strip club) and it did not help to calm the arousal but only mixed it with anxiety….

chastitylogpart7_003

5/18 day 15

So, I went to Rick’s cabaret on 33rd street. I am writing this as I am just back from there.  I am still a bit drunk because I got 2 strawberry cosmopolitan’s and one glass of Cabernet. I was a bit anxious before going  there but not too much. I took the subway and got off at Penn Station walked one block and got to the Entrance of Rick’s. The body guard looked at my ID and led me to a table after I checked my  jacket. I was not very far from the dance floor where a half naked slender girl was dancing. The room was not totally empty but there was no one between me and the dancer and the girl was like dancing for me.
She was very sexy with brown curly hair, beautiful legs and small breast but I could not see her face in the half-light.  At one point, she took off her bra and throw it at me. When she walked to my table later, she said she wanted to check me up.  Not much later, a sexy waitress half Vietnamese half American came to my table. She sat next to me and was very sweet, showing me the menu, touching my arm or legs which sent chills in my body and twitches in my locked-up cock. I ordered food and a Cosmopolitan and started to relax and to enjoy the show.
A few minutes after she stopped her shift, the girl from the dance floor came to me said a few words and since I was having some food she said she will come back.  Like the waitress, she touched my arm and my legs in a natural and sweet way that made me feel extremely comfortable. Not long after I finished my calamaris another girl came to my table and asked if she could join me –  An extremely sexy brunette with blue eyes who was wearing a blue bodysuit and fishnet pantyhose.- we chatted up a bit and then she offered a lap dance. My heart raced but I agreed. She was sweet, sexy, and hot with a perfect tanned slender body with beautiful breasts.  She sat on my lap, flashed out her tits in my face, rubbed her ass and thighs on my crotch, touched my chest caressed my neck. She also let me touch her as I was holding her waist, ass cheeks and even tits.  It was very exciting but so frustrating at the same time. My penis was twitching without being able to get hard. I felt pathetic and frustrated especially as she was rubbing her leg on my crotch intentionally I could not feel what she was trying to do on my locked up cock.  She did not say anything but she must have felt what was between my legs or thought that I had a particularly small penis…even if she suggested we go to a private room at the end…I felt a deep humiliation inside.

Later on another girl from Panama came to my table and chat me up. She was not as beautiful but she was talkative and we chatted quite a bit after what I got another lap dance that was impossible to refuse although she was far from being as attractive as the previous one. I kept enjoying the show as I was finishing the last drink I had ordered. Some other girls came after but I declined the lap dance…it could have lasted all afternoon and I could have tried more girls but I would have just been more frustrated.. However I was not expecting there would be so much touching, that the girls would be so much friendly and engaging. Over all the girls were young beautiful and sexy but sounded a bit superficial. It was sweet, cool and relaxing  but  at the same time also extremely frustrating and humiliating ….I need to say that the most I got excited was when I was thinking of the reason I was here and of Mistress Natalia of course. Also, it showed me as, if I did not know already, that vanilla does not excite me as much as D/s. These almost 2 hours with those sexy girls all around me, were not half as exciting as having the attention of Mistress Natalia whose tremendous attractiveness leaves me always the weakest as does the pure thought of being her property.

I want to finish this post by saying I am extremely grateful to Mistress Natalia to have given me this challenge. It made me feel even more that I am Hers and unable to imagine to do anything but what she tells me to do. When She gives me a challenge such as this one, I can’t think of not doing it. It puts me in some predicaments that I crave to overcome to please Her by doing what She expects. Just the fact She desires something from me is a privilege that is always source of excitement. What makes me even weaker is that She seems to have no doubt that I will obey. Her confidence disarms any resistance I could have before it even appears.

5/20 Day 17

Yesterday, I saw Mistress Natalia after almost 3 days since the last time as She has been busy with work. I was so happy to catch up with Her on everything and have Her feedback on what I have been doing…in particular the field trip at Rick’s cabaret. I felt happy to see She was so amused by my report and She generously promised me a reward. The best reward is to see Her happy and to spend time with Her no matter what we are doing. But She asked me to choose what I wanted to do this afternoon and I opted for some bdsm time. She then decided I will be Her pain slut for a session and asked me to get ready for it.
It made my heart pounding but went out to get the small “nasty” binders and the rubber band she wanted to use on me.

At my return, She was with Miss Rosa at the new land and I joined them. During the conversation, I unintentionally said something that made me sound testy with Her making the up-coming torture/punishing session entirely justified. Back at Hellfire, heart pounding, I waited patiently for Her as She was dressing for the session. She appeared 5 minutes later with the sexiest red lace underwear and my heart races even faster. She quickly  made me hang by the wrists on one of the Hellfire device and made me put (in RL) the binders on my nipples. The bite was hard and sudden and almost cut my breath. The pain and the thrill to do this for Her made me shake and sent twitches in my caged cock. The binders kept biting as She asked me to put the strong rubber band around my genitals to make it snap hard on them at Her commands. It was quick inflected pains that hurt sharply and more each time. She made me do it many times as she was interrogating me or giving me instructions and it hurt like hell but I loved and was absolutely happy to see Her purr from what I was enduring. She also again brought up my hole to be plugged and I felt a twitch in my cock. The all session was intense and very erotic, the only worries I had was to get visible bruise on my nipple which were hurting but that was easier to endure than the hardest snaps of the rubber band. I kept the binders more than half an hour and when Mistress Natalia made me removed them it hurt even more for a short time. The hours later and even this morning I have kept feeling my nipple extremely sensitive  to touching.  I also noticed bruises on my scrotum from the elastic band snaps but I am proud and happy to have them as a gift from Mistress Natalia. When I removed my chastity device later, it was all wet making quite obvious I am Mistress Natalia pain slut now…

About my chastity state, every night, I am having those throbbing arousal when I think of Mistress Natalia and my submission to Her. Yesterday morning my arousal was so intense that I had a hard time to have my penis go down. It is extremely sensitive and I am dying to touch myself at times but I have no will for it. I am chaste since 2 weeks and a half and I am proud to be for Mistress Natalia. My penis is Hers as is my heart and my soul.  I have no desire for an orgasm if she does not want to. I will hold it as long as She wants. Hopefully my body will not be too difficult to tame. My penis grows and hits the cage boundaries when I am writing this….

nataliafrenchy2

5/21 Day 18

Yesterday would have been a wonderful day, spending time with Mistress Natalia and moving in at her house, if I did not act stupidly in greeting or rather manifesting my presence home to Her in an inappropriate way when I arrived online at night. Even if my intention was just to be playful, it was displeasing and inappropriate  the way I did it. Knowing Mistress Natalia was unhappy made me feel awful and has ruined my mood for the weekend. I was so happy she invited me to move in Her house that my joy and enthusiasm took me off balance and I obviously got carried a way. I am ashamed of this faux pas. I should stay aware that each time She allows me closer, the privilege she generously gives me implies more duties and in particular I should be more careful and attentive.

I feel like I am walking up on a tightrope, approaching slowly closer to Her and that at each step I slightly lose balance from the excitement and I need to adjust my pace to not get carried away. I do not want to fall as it would be profoundly devastating…

I was particularly overwhelmed emotionally last night also because I forgot/did not think to ask permission to Miss Rosa to distribute the notecard I had prepared for collecting the opinions of the Divines about the topic of a blog post I am preparing. The justified anger of Miss Rosa combined with the unhappiness of Mistress Natalia achieved to put me in a completely depressing mood and I asked permission to go offline. Needless to say I did not sleep much and that I still feel a knot in my stomach.

I feel completely vulnerable with my fate in the hands of Mistress Natalia who I love and the closer I get to Her the more I crave to make her happy.

5/23 Day 20

The week-end went smoothly and It was somewhat enjoyable but my mood has mainly been  and still is under the shadow of what has happened Friday night. I have had the chance to see quickly Mistress Natalia on Sunday after my return from the gym but it was mostly frustrating since, I did not have much time to speak with Her. I also talked to Miss Rosa Sunday evening about the reasons I should have consulted Her regarding the interview project and how I must be more consistent in asking permission to Her regarding actions that are related to DS.

My chastity state is making me more and more itchy (when I see a sexy silhouette in the street or if my penis rubs some fabric for example)  even though I had no special reasons to be excited this week-end  probably because of my mood. I suppose that  after almost 3 weeks without release it is to be expected that my body starts to be itchier. I did not have any trouble to wear the chastity device to day though. It has become almost a routine now like a normal thing I have to do as my penis belongs to Mistress Natalia as well as my arousal.

My soul is uncertain and pessimistic. My heart is aching.  I feel a bit more broken and I am more vulnerable than ever. I listened to “Stillness of the Mind” by Abel Korzeniovski on my subway ride this morning.

5/25 Day 22

Monday was again a difficult day for me. I went from being on my own  to being emotionally abused in the morning and in the afternoon.  After the emotional stress of the last few days that I did not process well, it felt like my reason got blurred and my ability to be efficiency was going down, making me more subject  to get into trouble for stupid reasons. Retrospectively, I should not have been so down since I now have the brand of Mistress Natalia on my avatar through the knife of Miss Mancipia. That is a symbolic gesture that means I am loved. But I was so emotionally tired and my mind was so confused that I was a bit lost when I logged off in the evening. Later that night, my friend Lance who is much more experienced helped me to see things as they really are and not as my aching mind was perceiving them. Moreover Mistress Natalia talked to me yesterday and it clarified things even more and comforted me that I was still were I wanted, beneath her feet, to serve Her and to be trained by Her for Her own pleasure and happiness.

I feel much better now as this struggle made me understand how to deal more efficiently with these moments of emotional stress. It does not mean it will be easy but I know that eventually what matters is that  Mistress Natalia has faith in me since she puts me through these struggles how hard they are. In fact, it goes well along with what Miss Rosa said  last night “great potential merits great challenge”. So I must be prepared and I will be. I am immensely grateful to Mistress Natalia who talked to me yesterday in such an accurate way as she firmly gave me  what I needed. It made me think deeper and understand better how to process my training. It has deepened my faith, my love and trust in Her. Being her property is definitely what I want from the bottom of my heart. It is a rare chance that I am extremely lucky to hold. I will always remember that when I am in pain because this is the strength She has given me and that will hold me secure for the journey She has chosen for us.

5/26 Day 23
Yesterday was a relaxing day.  I did not see much Mistress Natalia as she wanted some alone time. I missed Her but then I took the opportunity to do some tasks regarding the #maleentitlement project of Miss Rosa  and the slave auction project of Miss Seforah.  I have seen also Deloreen who wanted to make the mesh head better but definitely I don’t like it and Mistress Natalia neither so I will keep my frenchy’s head 🙂 I put some furniture in my room and enjoyed the privilege to be at Mistress Natalia’s home. Later, Mistress Natalia took me for a quick shopping trip and then kind of introduced me to Miss Nicole who is the owner of the parcel. She was kind and showed me her property and it was a nice way to know her a bit more than just crossing her path at DS. Last night was a bit more busy at DS and I enjoyed the attention of Mistress Natalia and also of Miss Rosa who explained me how exhausting it is to train a slave…

I keep wearing the chastity device when I come online and almost all day until I return home. I almost don’t feel it except when I have the slightest arousal that is then enhanced because my penis twitches and touches the cage boundaries  Every evening when I take it off, it is all wet inevitably. I feel owned and totally dependent of Mistress Natalia and that solely idea just arouses me when I think of it . When in my bed, I get a full throbbing erection but when I write these words, my cage keeps my penis restricted and it hurts but it is hurts good. I can’t hide that I love that Mistress Natalia restricts me. It is now more than 3 weeks that I haven’t ejaculated and my body is getting extremely needy at times. I could try to have intercourse with my wife but I don’t as I don’t feel I am allowed to seek that. I wonder how long Mistress Natalia will keep me like this. In some sense I crave to  stroke my penis at some others I crave she instructs me to stay chaste longer. I don’t know what I want. I have lost my will because Mistress Natalia is the one who decides all about what She owns. That is how I can feel Her ownership is totally real…

5/27 Day 24

Yesterday was the perfect illustration of what Mistress Natalia told me on Tuesday morning ” it’s the pain that makes the pleasure so enjoyable”. I spent the morning in DS, mainly performing for Mistress Natalia’s amusement, first to dominate a sissy scum and then to go down on  chigley. It was a pleasure to amuse Mistress Natalia (and also Miss Rosa) and have her attention. Later, Mistress Natalia allowed me the privilege to spoil Her in a shopping spree. The fact She allowed me that privilege was very arousing and the chastity device made this a deliciously torture that I loved. Also, She has a wonderful taste for clothing  that makes me always excited  to discover her new ideas of outfits.

But the best moment of the day was the afternoon that I spent with Mistress Natalia at the sim Opium S&M. It is a bdsm kind of club but we spent a non-bdsm afternoon dancing and talking about ourselves. That kind of communication that makes us closer in deepening our mutual trust. and lay the ground to go further. Those moments are essential to me not only to get closer to Mistress Natalia which is my strongest motivation but also to make me internalize the struggles I had been through before. It makes my love for Her more intense and makes me stronger for the inevitable future struggles. The strength she gives me by allowing me close to put up with the emotional abuse is indispensable. Mistress Natalia is wonderful and amazing, She is 10 times worth the struggles and the suffering I am going through at times. I can only be grateful to become so close to Her. I am a lucky and happy slave.

nataliafrenchyjapanbdsm4

I am now in my 4th week of chastity. My penis becomes extremely aching for release and to be stroked. I have never been chaste so long. How much longer will I have to stay like this?  Only Mistress Natalia can make it stop…..I am staying strong but sometimes feel at the edge of begging to touch….

As days and weeks succeed one another, Mistress Natalia holds imperceptibly but surely a stronger grip on my mind and reinforces my chastity even more. The effect of the device She makes me wear more and more often  makes me each day more submissive as it intensifies Her control. It enhances my arousal and restricts it at the same time  making me lost in mixed feelings of excitement and frustration that undoubtedly lead me to a state of dependence and vulnerability that I never experienced before.

As the time goes by, it becomes clearer that I am not only accepting the restrictions but that I am loving them just because it is what Mistress Natalia wants. I see myself enjoying the frustration and the torment of the chastity more than I ever imagined as it symbolized so well my belonging to my Mistress. In this new installment of my chastity log, you will see how this brings me progressively to accept, without even questioning it, to consider a challenge She set up for me and that would have made me very doubtful I could even think of when  I started this journey with Mistress Natalia…

Snapshot_066

4/27 Day 15

Nothing much happened yesterday except that Mistress Natalia ordered me to wear the chastity device to solve my urges to touch myself. Of course, this excited me more and made me frustrated at the same time. It’s a delicious feeling that makes me lose my ability to think straight as it makes me feel weak and even more needy. I felt like IMing Mistress Natalia every minute but I resisted the best I could to not disturb Her… Later, I went to DS, where Mistress Natalia was. She instructed me to get a latex cat suit and slave harness for a task I would have to do later for Miss Rosa and Her. On my subway ride home, I could not help but wonder what would be the new humiliation She had in stock for me and obviously I felt aroused again in the train. However most unfortunately, I could not come online very early and I missed Mistress Natalia. I hope She was not waiting for me….

4/28 Day 16

Today Mistress Natalia made me complete the horse outfit with hoofs and told me what I would be doing with it. Miss Rosa loved it and calls me the horseman now. It was funny. The tease of Mistress Natalia which aroused me in the morning made me feel like touching again. Also I decided to wear the device for the time I would be online in Her presence but Mistress Natalia decided I would wear it the whole day which I did. It was exciting and frustrating as usual but when I was not online I kind of succeeded to forget it. Of course, each time I was in presence of Mistress Natalia, I keep feeling the boundary of the cage and leak especially whenever she teases me. In the afternoon, we did a  shooting and I loved it as usual when I do this with Her even though I was not entirely satisfied with my photos.

I went to bed past midnight and slept very well for 2 hours but then I woke up and as usual now, I started to think about Mistress Natalia and about my training. It was not long before I get a throbbing and leaking erection that went on and off  for the rest of the night. These arousal make me feel crazy and like an animal again…The idea that I am becoming so docile and submissive even when I have to serve other Divines at DS to keep Mistress Natalia proud of my behavior kept my penis rock hard. I also thought about the chastity device. At first I was surprised that Mistress Natalia does not require me to wear it more often but when yesterday and before yesterday,  She said it was more something to protect me from myself, I reached the conclusion that She really wants to reinforce my chastity and that She might desire and be pleased that I anticipate her instructions to wear it on my own regularly. Obviously that thought hardened my penis that was twitching and leaking so hard that I had to sweep it not to stain the sheets many times during the night. I never had such throbbing erections so many times without touching….Now if I have such wandering thoughts during the day at a work meeting I realized that I could get a very embarrassing hard-on and it might be safer to wear that device and it is the first thing I did when I arrive in my office this morning.

4/30 Day 1

So my speculation was correct, Mistress Natalia expects me to anticipate Her desire to see me wearing the device on my own. So, I think she was happy that I did it yesterday and we had an amazingly erotic moment together.. After we shot some photos at the GC club,  She let me worship Her most intimate temples of pleasure. Since I was locked up at the same time, I was devilishly excited and frustrated to be unable to get a full erection  with the only possibility to twitch  hard and leak pitifully. Knowing my predicament turned Her on so much was exciting me even more leading me of course to a sweet and delicious torment. But how happy and proud, was I to see Her reach the pinnacle in the end, after what She generously allowed me to get out of the cage and have my turn an orgasm as well. She had very sweet words towards me after. I love those intimate moments which make me even more enslaved and deepen my attachment and trust in Her. It had been so long, I hadn’t an orgasm…16 days and I knew I was not ready to beg for it, having learned from the lesson she taught me about that. The 9 ejaculations a day I performed after I showed a bit too much my need to end the chastity cycle 17days ago was still in my mind and I wanted to avoid something similar…

Chastity, Tease and Denial is a very erotic combination and I cannot deny that the chastity imposed by Mistress Natalia excites me a lot even if it can be difficult to bear after a while. The same applies to wearing the device. The inaccessibility of something makes always that thing more attractive. Also when I am locked in company of Mistress Natalia, my sexual desires are enhanced and at the same time impossible to be granted by the amazing sensation of a full throbbing erection as the ones I have in bed thinking of Her. In spite of the high frustration it brings, the fact I love the sensation was however making it a bit difficult for me to anticipate Her desire that I wear the device  all day because  it could have been a selfish desire for more excitements… That’s is why sometimes anticipation can be tricky when we both desire the same thing…I am glad I brought that up to Her so that it is clarified. However, I now realize She probably wants me to wear the device whenever I am online or even whenever I can…. That Idea brought me again to a full throbbing erection this morning and I was dying to touch …

IMG_3523

 

5/1 Day 2

This morning I woke up as usual with thoughts of Mistress Natalia and the arousal that accompanies it as always now. The idea I was not allowed to touch made it even stronger…. So I went to the gym for an hour to exercise but still with the thought of Her in the back of my mind. After lunch I came online for a little while but  could not stay long to attend the events at DS since my wife wanted us to go get a massage at our local Chinese massage joint. It was very relaxing and I got the same masseur as the other day with the same effects, in fact it was even better. I came back online in the evening and saw Miss Rosa, bitch and lance. I was hoping to see Mistress Natalia….but instead Miss Kool arrived and I could not escape as early as I wanted….I can’t wait to see Mistress Natalia tomorrow.

5/2 Day 3

Yesterday morning, when I arrive at the office I wore the device immediately just before coming online. When I saw Mistress Natalia was already online, I knew it was safer to put the device before logging as I felt aroused immediately when She started talking to me.  She gave me some technical tasks on the blog that I was happy to help her with and She teased me a bit before going to work. When I saw Her in the afternoon, I showed Her what I wrote in my picks about wearing the device whenever I can for Her pleasure and She teased me so well like effortless that i felt extremely weak and horny. The frustration of the torment to be locked when teased was delicious and made  me feel very submissive and lose all pride. When telling Her how I was feeling, she teased me even more about making me get a plug. When I removed the device before going back home, it was all wet. I felt the need to touch and cum all evening and each time I was awake during the night as if last time I ejaculated was 2 weeks ago. This morning I got a hard-on thinking that the tease about the plug was probably a subliminal message for me to anticipate Mistress Natalia’s desire. But I think it is safer to wait for something more precise…

Last night Mistress Natalia debased in front of me one of her former slave. She was spectacular as She always is and I think everybody enjoyed the show except him I suppose. This morning She explained to me that this show was for me so that I do not feel threatened by him. I felt a strong emotion and it showed me once more how my feelings are deepening for  my Mistress.

5/3 Day 4

Most of yesterday I was still leashed at DS, unable to do nothing. Even serving other Dommes was out of the question since I could not leave my post. I could talk though but no Divine is really interested in chatting. I did chat with fellow slaves or/and  studied the Opencollar scripts to modify them for the DS collar project.  But it is difficult to concentrate on that and follow the  public chat. at the same time when a Divine is around.
Therefore, I felt pretty much restricted and the idea it was following the will of Mistress Natalia aroused me a couple of times reminding me the device I was wearing during the day and that my penis belongs to Mistress Natalia. It belongs to Her and I would not want this to be different. I crave Her control and I love to be Her property, Her animal and Her bitch.

Last night was fun, we eventually went to VT with Miss Rosa, Mistress Natalia and lance and bitchy who were wearing latex outfits similar to my horsey one. I went to bed quite late since just after Mistress Natalia left, Miss Rosa requested I serve Miss Alexis which demanded I clean her boots.

When I woke up this morning I got a strong urge to touch and felt  like I could ejaculate almost instantly if I did. In fact, just having my penis rub my thighs would  make me horny. Wearing the device enhances my arousal but restricts them at the same time and the fact I had only one orgasm 5 days ago make me feel extremely needy for ejaculation. It was difficult to resist but easy at the same time because I have no rights on my penis.  I just can’t without Mistress Natalia’s permission like if there is a lock in my brain circuits preventing me to do anything against Her will. Simply knowing that it would disappoint or displease Her just annihilates instantly any other desires I could have. So I am left with the torments of the cravings of my body which undermine my will and my reason, leaving me like an animal more submissive every day. I did not expect that wearing this device would weaken me so much as I get lost in mixed desires and sensations….

frenchy&Natalia@ArmoryBedroom_003

5/4 Day 1

After I sent my log Yesterday, Mistress Natalia ordered me to pull down my pants and to blow on my penis. I misunderstood and thought she was allowing me to release which I did. I felt awful realizing it was a mistake and it must have disappointed her. There was no doubt in my mind or I would have asked but from now on I have to make sure that when some slang like that is used my understanding is accurate, especially for this kind of directions. I probably took my desire to end my frustration for a reality although I was happy to stay chaste for my Mistress. Anyhow, I must of course account for my mistake and I will take the abuse that Mistress Natalia is going to give me courageously and consoled from the disappointment I produced by knowing She will take pleasure in disciplining me. When she displayed Her authority yesterday after my fuck-up, I got aroused as it was showing how clear I am Her total property under Her full control and how submissive I feel under Her. I am now awaiting anxiously what she will decide to do to hurt me, wondering if it will be emotional as it usually is or physical. The wait is already a torture. Still She was generous to give me the board project to think about as I am wondering what my fate will be. However I cannot really stop thinking of it even if I tried to forget it during my dinner party yesterday.. Despite of the good wine, my anxiety resumed after and I woke up earlier than I wanted this morning …

5/5 Day 2

Yesterday, I spent all day in the cage at DS. I stayed online quite a bit with the hope to see Mistress Natalia and to get my punishment so that I can account for my mistake. When I spoke to her, a few times, she was distant not wanting to give me any details about when or what would that be. I thought she was  busy preparing her trip and did not insist. She left without a word and came back later. She even came to DS a few times ignoring me completely. I don’t know if there is another punishment to come but this is one of the worse: being ignored by someone one loves and desires to please more than anything. I felt my heart pounding all day in a tight knot of anxiety so much that  I could barely concentrate on anything. I tried to work on the script for Miss Rosa’s board and I had advanced a bit but I was slower than I should. Even the usual distraction of DS with the greetings and the insulting orders did not make me feel any relief but the opposite.

Even if I could rationally think that what we have Mistress Natalia and I is already solid after 3+ months, when I hurt like this, I am confused with doubts and I become insecure : I wonder if the disappointment I caused Her is going to make Her change her feelings for me or if the path we have taken together so far  will continue the same way. That idea hurts more than anything and feeds the confusion and the pain in a vicious circle. I could not bear anymore to think of this and I went offline earlier than usual. When She dismissed me Her comment suggested my punishment was that treatment…It was not really a surprise but it did not make me feel any better.

However last night, as I came online mainly to discuss with lance, Mistress Natalia released me from the cage and ended the punishment. I came at Her feet, holding her ankles and we talked as we usually do. It was such a relief. I felt light again like all the weight pilling up on me all day had disappeared….As I told Her that night, this punishment was really wicked. If I knew from the beginning this treatment  of isolation and being ignored was the punishment, I would have endured it much more easily. Also, the happiness of this feeling after She called me to Her was so delightful. I can only be grateful for how She controls my emotions as this moment would not have been so sweet without the pain before….

 

5/6 Day 3

Today, I spent most of my time working on the script for the Scum rating board that Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa asked me to make. I was happy that they think of me for that. I finished to do it late and it seems to work pretty well although there are probably some bugs to be fixed after testing. I am glad to contribute to DS with this, as I see Miss Rosa and Mistress Natalia really love this adventure. But  I missed spending time with my Mistress today. We exchanged a few IMs but She was busy and then left without a word…

5/9 Day 6
I spent the week-end enjoying a relaxing  time with family and friends. I went out also in the park on Sunday as the weather was better. I did also go to the gym as I usually do on Sunday mornings. I came online and worked on improving my script. I corrected a few bugs even today. Now I think it is quite stable. I will add a few features later on to ease the use of it.  Now that the script is quasi-finished, I feel a bit aimless but I really enjoyed doing this for Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa. I felt honored of the trust they gave me in this project and I am happy that Miss Rosa is satisfied by the result of my work. I went a bit to DS to check on the scum rating board and I got tied up to serve other dommes. I find these pixel play with some of these unattractive dommes completely uninteresting. However, I have submit just because of the will of Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa but  I think I will keep avoiding DS when they aren’t around.

After 6 days, I haven’t been suffering much of the chastity so far. I keep wearing the device on week-days when I come online when at night and week-end I can relax from the constraint although I did not get much arousal lately.  Probably because I miss Mistress Natalia and therefore I am not really much excited. Last time we spent time together was that memorable afternoon ten days ago. It was so hot. She sent me the picture of it and it is such a sweet and sexy memory. I saw Her very quickly this morning and she allowed me to remove the horsey outfit. But she will be away for the rest of the week traveling…I hope it won’t be too tiring and stressful for Her and that  I will find an opportunity to make feel Her special soon.

5/10 Day 7

I went to bed early last night and I came online early this morning with the hope to see Mistress Natalia before she leaves for Denver but I suppose her flight was early. I discussed with lance who is a good fellow and I worked to add a few features to my script.
Of course, I am wearing the device to have my penis locked up for my Mistress. I am getting used to it. The only thing that is bothering me is that I have to pay attention it does not show. When I think of my state and submission for Mistress Natalia, my penis twitches and hits the boundary of the cage restricting it from growing more. It makes me feel more submissive and weaker than I have ever been before and reminds me of my strong desire to make Mistress Natalia the happiest. I hope I will see Her tonight.

nataliafrenchy4

5/11 Day 8

I just arrived in my office and put the chastity device on. I put the lock on it to symbolized I won’t remove it until this evening and I will do that everyday until May 20th upon the instructions of Mistress Natalia who wants to enforce more my chastity after I fucked up yesterday to follow a simple instruction. I feel absolutely submissive  locked and completely enslaved to Her will. My own will has completely vanished in Her presence or more precisely, my will has become Her will. All I want to do is what She decides. All I desire, is to see Her pleased and happy. I feel the ring of the chastity device like if it is Her grip on my cock and balls, reminding me She is always in control and that I am Her bitch to do what I am told.

In particular, She got very inspired yesterday and it was presented as a punishment for my lack of focus but I am certain She had that in mind anyway. She wants me to go all locked up with my chastity device in a strip club and order a lap dance to add to my humiliation. It’s going to be extremely embarrassing and my heart pounds at the idea of it. What  bewilders me is that  I can’t think of not doing it. The minute Mistress Natalia wants it makes me want or even crave to do it for Her, bringing extremely mixed feelings considering what it is.  My core rooted desire to please Her first, annihilates any objection that I could have raised in any other circumstances. It is going to cost me, I have never gone to such a place….I will have to gather my courage and I can’t even imagine how humiliated I will feel. However, the reward to see Her pleased, amused and happy is priceless and that will give me the strength I will need to overcome the anxiety to do this. For this reason, my sleep has been agitated and the feeling of Her grip again on my mind got me a throbbing erection when I woke up in the middle of the night.  It’s fortunate I don’t have to wear the device when I sleep….But knowing I could not touch, because of the enforced chastity Mistress Natalia demands got me extremely frustrated.  Now I need to think how I will do THIS and especially WHEN. My stomach tighten in anticipation and my heart races. I think I might need a few days to get accustomed to the idea….

After ten weeks under the training of Mistress Natalia, I see myself becoming more and more addicted, submissive and obsessed. Every day, the desire to please and serve Her is enhanced by the feeling of a growing emotional bond making me do things I had never done before. Giving up more control, enduring more abuse and at the same time becoming more vulnerable; but also working on growing a thicker skin to cope with the emotional stress. And then, discovering the blissfulness in the intimacy of an erotic moment acting as a miracle remedy against the torment of the emotional pain. It’s the roller coaster of emotions which I was evoking in the introduction of the part 1 of this log.

Mistress Natalia is always in control, making sure the relation does not become stale or monotone with a genial intuition of taking advantage of any random circumstance. She use them to amuse Herself but also to make me learn and adjust my training when it’s needed. It helps me to perfect my ways to please and serve Her and embrace my submission fully but maybe more importantly this keeps reminding me how lucky I am to be on this journey with Mistress Natalia.  Hopefully, you will keep an interest or amuse yourself in reading more about what actually happened in this 5th sequence of my chastity log.

MedicalShoot_010
4/12 Day 6

Yesterday was the second day with the chastity device. Mistress Natalia did a photo shoot and humiliated/teased me with her strap-on which kept me twitching and leaking pre-cum all that  time. This sensations of frustration and excitement all at once are intense, addicting like an edging  and is accentuating the frustrating effect of the chastity.
I kept the device from 11 am to 6 pm continuously and each time I was interacting with my Mistress the circle twitching-growing- hitting the boundaries of the cage-leaking went on. At lunch time, I went out with it and I could never forget it was there. When seeing other women, especially attractive ones, I could not help imagining what they would think if they knew. Since just that thought would make me twitch,  I  tried to focus on other things which was actually difficult because the contact of the device on my penis is a constant reminder of my submission to Mistress Natalia.  When I came back online, Mistress Natalia and Lady Pearle had organized a “play date”. It was actually quite fun. I do enjoy dominating other submissive(s) with the my Mistress’s encouragement, knowing She is amused by it. I hope we have more of these things. It’s very entertaining.

Yesterday night Mistress Natalia told me she has seen subliminal messages in this log about my urges for orgasms. It was a bit of a surprise because the orgasm is what we call “la petite mort” and as this French expression could suggest it is not actually the best part. More exciting are actually  the foreplay, the teases and  the physical act (before orgasm) that one would ideally keep as long as possible, which would be an edging if one doesn’t orgasm. I guess these messages of urges just occur as a result of my body’s frustration to cum after the tease, the dirty thoughts and the chastity which is imposed. So it’s my body speaking…not me. Anyhow, as a result, Mistress Natalia instructed me to masturbate 10 times today….I will record the result tomorrow in my log.

4/13 Day 1

The night before Yesterday, I woke up around 4 am. I was not horny but I was thinking about what I will have to do. Then I started willingly to think about things that should arouse me. From thinking one thing to another and without touching my penis, I felt the arousal growing so much and so fast that I started to throb and leak in no time.
It was an increasing dream or/and reality about my relationship with Mistress Natalia and the result  was almost breathtaking. It felt like my arousal could be controlled by pure thought which was of course an illusion. I now only remember a fragment of the things I thought.I wish I could have recorded it.

I slept longer and woke up a bit before 6 am. I could not wait longer to masturbate a first time. I did so in the bathroom to be alone. As my mind was fantasizing about my Mistress, the release was sweet and delicious and it felt like I ejaculated most of what I had been keeping in my testicles. I returned to bed and slept one more hour. When I woke up I was alone in the bed so I did it a second time slowly but without edging willing to save my energy for the next 8 times to come. I slept again one more hour and repeated the process almost mechanically two more times. I did not take much pleasure of it. Each time the amount of sperm was smaller obviously. My only motivation was to obey and please Mistress Natalia and I would get aroused by just thinking about pleasing her and being obedient. I arrived in my office around 10:30. I wrote my log and worked and then  went to lunch. I did the 5th time around 2pm. I did it fast mechanically with the same fantasying images in my mind but with a sad “petite mort” ending. The repetition starting to become depressing. I logged to get some distraction of the boredom and the solitude this little game entails.  I did not stay long as some colleagues knocked at my door to ask some technical questions. It was a good distraction one hour after which I did it a 6th time by looking at some porn pictures of Dominatrix on the web. I took my time and I could enjoy it a little bit more thanks to some sexy photos that I found. I did the 7th and 8th time similarly but with much less amusement and much more frustration of how boring it was becoming. I returned online after the tea break but did not feel like doing anything and just wrote my log knowing I had 2 more to go, knowing it will be boring and depressing to do this alone again mechanically. Eventually I accompanied Mistress Natalia to a shooting in an urban zone scene. As I was there, waiting pathetically that she does her shooting, I did it one more time drawing some excitement from the humiliation to be waiting in her presence. Surprisingly I still had cum to ejaculate. For the last and 10th times, I did it at home after isolated myself in the bathroom. I fantasized again about my submission for Mistress Natalia and got very aroused and  very hard however how hard I tried I could not cum. I tried one more time an hour later with the same result. My testicles must have been emptied after all…I felt lonely, depressed and pathetic pretty much as I felt the whole day.

 

4/14 Day 2

Yesterday, Mistress Natalia allowed me to not redo the 10 forced ejaculations which was a relief since I was really dried out from the day before. Instead, I was officially invited to join the editors of the blog of Mistress Natalia. I was happy for the trust She demonstrated in me and to be able to participate more in this adventure. She has given me the task to publish posts about this log. This is forcing me to reread what I wrote 2 months ago and see how I was compared to how I am now. In that sense it is quite interesting. On the other hand, it exposes myself to a larger public on things that were only intended to be read by Mistress Natalia. It is not that I am shy but it is a bit intimate. On the other hand cutting off certain parts would probably not represent well how I live my submission. I am still pondering how to proceed…

Regarding my chastity and arousal, the same pattern has continued the last 2 nights: In the middle of my sleep, I wake up thinking of my Mistress and without touching  I feel instantaneously my penis grow hard, throb and leak for Her, making it difficult for me to return to sleep.

4/15 Day 3

Yesterday, I spent a wonderful time with Mistress Natalia who spoiled me at my place where we shot photos. Mistress Natalia loves to do shootings and she has an amazing  talent to edit Her photos. Spending time with her feels my heart and there is nothing like being able to please and making Her happy whatever it takes to do so. In these moments, more than others, the bond we have is strengthening in  trust and openness. It intensified my love, my addiction to Her and this feeling of being Hers. We also tried to shop for Her at Collabor88 but the lag was awful. I hope we have another opportunity to spoil Her as She deserves. Last night again, I woke up with a strong arousal for my Mistress and I stroke thinking of Her but chose not to ejaculate…

 

4/16 Day 4

Yesterday night Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa had fun in teasing me to end up leaving me alone. I wasn’t really worried that it would last very long and I was waiting when Miss Rosa sent me a teasing IM that I interpreted as a desire to see how miserable I was feeling to be up there. So, I replied in that sense and I sent a similar comment to Mistress Natalia afterwards. Eventually Miss Rosa teleported me and I was privileged to witness and slightly participate to a very erotic moment between Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa. After which, Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa told me how they were unhappy about whiny the IM I had sent to Mistress Natalia was. I felt miserable and the emotional abuse that followed made my heart shrink and stomach tighten so much to realize how I had deceived my Mistress.

I knew it was going to come and for one reason or another I did not see it coming.
Was it because I was a bit drunk or because I felt overconfident and “entitled” with a special status as they suggested? I don’t think so. I don’t feel entitled or better than others. Especially because how new and inexperienced, I am in this sadist and supremacist
female world I try to survive in, motivated by my desire to please my Mistress.

By now, I know that it doesn’t matter how good I (try to) behave  if these  two amazing
machiavellian Dominatrix (I am so privileged to spend time with) want to fuck me emotionally,  I have no way to escape it.

There is no better way to feel fucked in this manner when you intentionally do something
to please and that the result ends up to be interpreted (intentionally or not) as a bad behavior. I will never know for sure if this was intentional or not but it does not really matter. It hurts anyway. It makes me feel guilty and stupid to have been off guard. However I can be confident  about my deep intentions, my honesty and my ability to please, it makes me feel miserable. Well accepting my fate is also part of the pleasure they have about it. That was their goal anyway and it is reached.

Most of all, I am miserable because I love and want to please my Mistress and I can never
know for sure of the proportion of pleasure and deception she has about me. Rationally,
I believe I stand well,  but these emotional abuses perturb things in the most perverse way. Still I will take it and submit because I love my Mistress and if that is how she wants to train me I will accept it without complaining. I desire to show her that even if I make mistakes, my intentions are always honorable and I will therefore gratefully accept the punishment  to learn to serve Her better even if that means suffering more.

MedicalShoot_007

 

4/17 Day 5

Today was a beautiful day in New York. I went to the gym this morning and I went out for lunch and spent most of the afternoon in Central Park. I tried to go around and do things normally but I could not stop thinking about Mistress Natalia and how guilty I felt to have displeased Her on Friday night. I cannot stop thinking about it and how I should adjust myself so that this mistake never happens again. I can measure in these moments how much I need to make Her always happy and how I am dependent of doing so  in order to feel calm and happy myself. Yesterday, I felt up side down as my previous entry could show. I did not know what to think, how to process what happened. My emotions mixed with my rational thinking and I felt a bit lost at times. I am working on Miss Rosa assignment and it takes me some time to think about all this before I can write anything down but it helps me to process what happened.

I can’t wait to talk to Mistress Natalia in order to do a reconciliation and show Her that making Her happy is and will always be what motivates me.

 

4/18 Day 6

Yesterday, I was so happy to see Mistress Natalia, to speak with her about what  happened and  had the pleasure to shoot photos for my next chastity log post. It is always a pleasure to do these shooting with Her and I think I have dome some nice ones. I will work on editing them with gimp this week. I felt relieved to have had this reconciliation  moment with her. She gave me my punishment  that I will carry for one week and endure it for Her as I must.

So for my punishment I was left in an unknown Sim with the instruction to return to DS by foot and with very strict RLV restrictions.  More precisely the restrictions are no TP, no IM, no ability to fly,  no Inventory, no names visible. I discovered quickly what the parcel was.  However, I was on a full Sim region without any adjacent region making it impossible to leave it by foot. I visited all the parcels but none were very interesting and I found myself stuck there and bored to death. I started then to wonder if I was not supposed to find my way back to DS in a metaphoric sort of way, something I would have to figure out with Mistress Natalia the next day.

However, this predicament also gave me time to think again about my mistake and my condition. I felt happy and grateful to my Mistress for this punishment that I receive as a teaching to serve Her better. That isolation gave me that peace that allows you to think with some detachment but also with the comfort to know that there will be an end to it. It makes me feel more submissive and more enslaved to Her and therefore more where I belong and desire to be as Her full property.

4/19 Day 7

Yesterday morning I explained to Mistress Natalia what my predicament was in the sim and She instructed me to keep trying to find my way out. After my return from the PhD committee I was in and drank some Champagne in honor of the successful candidate I came back online to  keep exploring the  sim and try to find some trick to leave that region but after considering all the possibilities, I just put myself on the beach in a sort of meditation. It was just a short while before Mistress Natalia came to visit me and check that the region was indeed a real prison. After what, She generously parked me somewhere else and I figured quickly I was in the same region as DS but just  on the other end of the sim. So even without orientation tools, it was still easy to find my way back to DS and I rejoined the discussion group where Mistress Natalia, Miss Rosa and other Divines were in company of a couple of scums. It was a bit frustrating to follow well the conversation or to respond since I could not see names, however I immediately noticed when Mistress Natalia or Miss Rosa were talking as they both have a very special way to communicate. It was an interesting and comforting observation which made me feel like at home since I could recognize the voice of my Mistress even though I was kind of blindfolded. Before she left for the night, She generously told me my punishment was over and that we can go back to business (of course I am keeping the restriction until Monday). I woke up early today since I have some work to do in the morning and I wanted to have time to see Her before she leaves for DC.

4/20 Day 8

No much to say about today since it was a very busy day at work and I came online tonight  just to write in my log that I woke up thinking about Mistress Natalia which produced a throbbing erection that became harder at the thought of her desire to have me stay chaste as She mentioned yesterday morning.

4/23 Day 11

Friday was another busy day at work. I finished it with a dinner with my wife and my host in a good Spanish restaurant in my neighborhood. However during the night and this morning, I woke up thinking of Mistress Natalia and I felt aroused and throbbing, leaking as it happens very often now. Seeing myself becoming more and more dependent of Her, being Her property, unable to even consider to disobey Her commands but only craving them and discovering an incipient desire to become more vulnerable by giving Her more RL information.

I entered in the shower with this throbbing erection. As I felt my testicles aching not to be allowed to have an orgasm, I decided to shave my penis and scrotum instead since Mistress Natalia might require me to wear the device next week….

This morning, when my wife was out shopping, since the weather was so nice, I took some air in Central Park with my headset listening to some good tune. As I was walking,  I thought about the theme of entitlement that is dear to Miss Rosa since I saw she were organizing a discussion about that theme. And, I was wondering if I was entitled, I could not think I was but I realized that the idea of not being entitled to any rights but instead needing the permission of Mistress Natalia for anything was extremely erotic to me and as I kept walking, I felt a strong arousal like I have during those nights. I am sure it was visible to any good observer since my throbbing and leaking penis was extremely hard…..it stayed there for a while as I was trying to think of something else before returning home….Mistress Natalia is always in my thoughts, She is taking possession of my every breath…. It’s not only my penis and body that She owns and controls, but also my heart and my mind that she is imperceptibly rewiring….

4/25 Day 13

Sunday was a lovely day. I went to the gym and then spent again most of the afternoon out. Of course, I was visited by the thought of Mistress Natalia several times. In particular, when after exercising I went in the steam room, I was alone and I could not help but to think of Her which brought me an uncontrollable erection. It was extremely difficult to hide since I had only a towel around my waist but I was lucky enough to be able to succeed to think of something else to get it down. I think also that after 13 days of chastity I am getting horny quite easily now and leaking all the time when I am near my Mistress.

Monday, I got my RLV restrictions released and this is most comfortable to be able see names, IM and travel freely. Mistress Natalia wanted me to prepare a shooting  for my logs but I was not quick enough to do this. I must prepare better myself to these shooting whenever I have some free time so that I can be ready whenever she wants to do them. It makes me feel bad, guilty and aching to see I am disappointing her. I must work better, faster in anticipating Her desires…. I feel totally powerless, incredibly submissive and enslaved to her…as my feelings for Her don’t stop getting stronger….

I came online during  the evening to make some research for the shootings and to send my log  to Mistress Natalia but instead I have had a conversation with Miss Rosa that was very helpful. She has been very encouraging and said she is proud of me for my progresses.  She thinks I am not yet able to be a mentor for my lack of experience as a slave but that I am growing and deepening well.

After I went to bed I thought calmly to the set-up I wanted to do for the shooting following the advice of Mistress Natalia and came up clearly with what I desired to do before I fell asleep. I will tell Her when I see Her next.

4/26 Day 14

When I arrived online yesterday, I had instructions from Mistress Natalia to prepare an interview with Lady Pearle. I was excited about it and started to prepare questions that one does not have often the opportunity to ask a Mistress. When I rode the subway, thinking of Mistress Natalia and Her way to give me instructions aroused me with an erection difficult to hide. Later I realized that there was a confusion  about the instructions that left me a bit disappointed since I did not have to prepare this interview after all. Still I was happy that Mistress Natalia trusted my ability and wanted me to do this task.

Later, we shared a very nice moment shooting photos that will be used for the next blog post. I love every minute spent in Her company. On my way back home, during the subway ride, I got an erection  again  and so did I several time yesterday evening at the thought of Mistress Natalia and Her effect on my submission and training. Overall the last few days, I feel becoming steadily more and more submissive to Her in a totally natural way. When I think about how my relationship evolves and my feelings deepen, I keep having strong and throbbing erections wherever  I am or whatever I am doing….is it because I am having been chaste for two weeks now or is it because I feel more and more at ease in my submissive state? Probably a little of both….

In my experience, certain difficult moments in D/s can demonstrate dramatically how Communication and Trust are fundamental and even more critical than in any other kind of relationship. Communication helps to build the trust, and in return the trust allows us to deepen the communication. Only when they both reach a new level, it is possible to adventure ourselves with more demands and sacrifices. At the end of my last post, you could have witnessed that some doubts had started to raise in my mind, and you will see here how I continued to struggle with my emotions for about a week while I appeared lost, and in need of reassurance from Mistress Natalia. I was clearly worried about the direction we were taking, and I realized later that my stress might have also sent the wrong signals. Some talking was necessary, I will be always grateful to Mistress Natalia to have seen it, and created the circumstances so that it happens.You will see that it led me to go even deeper into submission and that it reinforced our bond.

GenesisCove_006

3/24 Day 1

Yesterday was a day with some relief as Mistress Natalia and I talked a bit casually but I wish I could have more time to stay online to talk more about certain things… Today was busy but I missed my Mistress.I hope to have some time to see her tomorrow afternoon since I won’t have much opportunities to come online this week-end. It is Day 1 today since yesterday night, I had intercourse with my wife. I still have 23 more days without touching  myself though.

3/25 Day 2

Nothing much to say today so far. I logged after lunch. Mistress Natalia was online but seemed busy not wanting to see me. I played chess in world and I visited some friends. I talked also with chigley who told me about what happened to him. I also had a small conversation with Miss Rosa.

3/26 Day 3

I spent a lazy day reading and napping, enjoying family time. I also thought of Mistress Natalia, on how things seem to have taken a different turn since She came back from Germany and that I need to speak with Her. I hope we can find a moment for that next time I see Her online.

3/27 Day 4

I miss Mistress Natalia. She left without a words after a few minutes today. I sent her a gift I hope she received it.

3/28 Day 5

I miss Mistress Natalia. These emotions are deep and it hurts continuously since almost a week. I want to trust Mistress Natalia and I have opened myself to this vulnerability state. I can endure that for some time but I am wondering if I am on the right  track…

3/29 Day 6

I am starting to feel more accurately again the physical need to touch my genitals in bed or in the morning shower and to release myself from the seeds I am accumulating in my testicles. I am realizing also that unconsciously I feel that I must be in presence of my Mistress to get some release of this physical need even if this is to endure some abuse although of course the treats Mistress Natalia gives me from time to time are my favorites. The physical need is then mixed with the emotional thirst to be with my Mistress and/or  to feel her presence in my restraints or from the RL tasks she gives me sometimes….I need that constant feeling to be owned by Mistress Natalia, my Mistress. I need her praise, I desperately need to know I make Her happy…

3/30 Day 7

I enjoyed so much the time I spent with Mistress Natalia yesterday.  Being able to have these moments with my Mistress is important for me and I am immensely grateful to Her for making them happen. It balances the D/s dynamic and it allows to know each other on different levels and also to clarify the untold. I love Her and to be Hers in this D/s relationship that I wish to strengthen and to deepen.

My body reacted again strongly to the need to touch and I could not help but rub it against furniture early this morning and to edge. After this edging I feel my testicles even more aching and needy for release…I am craving to use my hands to do so. That makes me feel pathetic, weak and surprisingly needy to feel more in my flesh the control of Mistress Natalia.

GenesisCove2_003

 

3/31 Day 8

Yesterday was uneventful, I did not come very long online since I had some things to do but being with my Mistress, pleasing  Her, serving Her is something I long for everyday. It is a craving that is building up in parallel with that increasing hitch for sexual release. My testicles and penis are aching for being stroked and emptied.  I am getting obsessed with that even more now that I edged 2 days ago…I see myself rubbing against furniture when I have an opportunity. I feel like an animal.  I am also thinking about this thing of being able to orgasm at will in a very short time for Mistress Natalia; I would love to train for that but how? ( I remembered this  story of a slave who was locked in chastity cage permanently and the cage was open once a week by his Mistress and he would erect and cum without touching right away. That sounded crazy….)

4/2 Day 10

I am getting obsessed with my chastity state. I am feeling again my testicles aching for release every other moment since yesterday.. Today when watching a  movie or reading, I could not prevent myself from squeezing my thighs and twisting myself on my armchair or even rubbing my heels against my sack and penis  to try to get some relief of that tension.  When walking in the street I had to fight hard not to get an erection when I was feeling my penis rubbing against the fabric of my pants  as I was thinking of Mistress Natalia at the same time… I don’t know how I will keep staying in that state, I feel my testicles heavy and aching as I write. I feel desperate for release but at the same time I cannot deny I enjoy the torture….

4/3 Day 11

I feel like it is has been an eternity since I did not stroke myself with my hands. I am pretty much like in the same state as yesterday. I am craving to take my testicles in my hands and squeeze them, massage them gently  to diminish the aching/hitching. I keep squeezing my thighs in the most twisted position when I can. I just would like to stroke so bad and at least edge a few times even if that will make things worse in the end.. The evil laugh of Mistress Natalia (when she read my previous entry) made me squirm with desire and I feel happy  she is amused as I keep squeezing my thighs when writing this…I cannot think straight..I cannot focus much if I have not something else that distracts me….I don’t know if I make much sense….I am between the strong desire to obey my Mistress and the need of my body for release… or to be touched….sometimes I have the temptations to use my hands…I feel so pathetic with my contortions …yet I can’t take the risk of deceiving my Mistress because I prefer one million times more to please Her than having release: I need and crave Her more than anything.

4/5 Day 13

Yesterday Mistress Natalia allowed me to use my hands to touch myself in the shower and in return we will go shopping for her.  She is so generous to let me have some release and to give me an opportunity to please Her in going shopping with Her.  I love Her, I hope she will have extravagant shopping desires so that I can please her extravagantly.

So I did touch myself  last night as I could not wait any longer. I inserted a finger in my bum, chanting the 6 words sentence in my head and  with my other hand I started to massage my sack and stroke my penis which got hard and throbbing very quickly. I did not do it very long because I felt I could not keep doing it without getting an orgasm. I kept massaging my testicles a bit more though but when I removed my finger from my anus a small quantity of sperm came out of my penis just on its own….I could not control it. I did not touch very long but still I felt so bad and so guilty and I hope Mistress Natalia won’t be too much displeased. The feeling of guilt ruined the relaxation I was hoping from playing with myself and my testicles still hurt and I am still desperate for having an orgasm which might be delayed even more now…..

This morning I woke up with strong thoughts of my Mistress and of some of the things we said yesterday. My feeling for her are getting stronger and deeper. My penis was hard and throbbing and I leaked some precum. (since I sleep naked, I might have stained the sheets), I feel like something has changed or is changing inside me. I am not sure what exactly but I feel something new, a desire I never had before….It is not a desire to serve or to obey or to please her…may be a desire to suffer for Her…

 

4/6 Day 1

So yesterday, we did some shopping with Mistress Natalia. It was already a pleasure to spoil her but then she spoiled me with the most exciting treat afterwards. She teased me in such a wicked way that i got horny like hell in my own office leaking pre-cum in my underwear. Her sweetness,  her strict directives, the verbal humiliation, the teasing about a RL chastity device, the privilege to go in bed with Her and the orgasm under her command, all this was mind blowing. I did not expect it and I am grateful to my Mistress to surprise me like she does every time. I adore this spontaneity, her genius to create such moments from an impulsion or an intuition and to take me generously in her wicked and rich world of sensations and feelings. Moreover knowing she has enjoyed this moment as much as I did is the cherry on the cake. I love you Mistress, You are so special.

GenesisCove2_012

4/7 Day 2

Each time I am in company of Mistress Natalia my heart is pounding and my penis twitches or leaks. This happened yesterday and more so when we spoke about a RL chastity device. Each time I leak pre-cum it makes the chastity period more aching and difficult to endure. So I started yesterday evening to feel my testicles needing some care already. However it was fine it is just 2 days since my last orgasm.  Now I think that conversation about the RL chastity device had however a big impact on me because during the night I dreamed of Mistress Natalia and woke up thinking about the device. I got a strong arousal and became extremely hard and then, when I realized how it would be painful to have the device with such an arousal I became  even harder and throbbing, leaking pre-cum probably staining the sheets.  I could not stop  completely thinking about it and it happened several times during the night, so many times that it felt like it was continuous for several hours. Even this morning I had that hard-on throbbing like it rarely happens. I was even wondering if I could stop it…..I can’t imagine how it will be when I wear this cage and Mistress Natalia teases me…..

4/8 Day 3

So Mistress Natalia found a place in Chelsea where she wanted me to get a device that she chose to restrict my RL “pee pee” as she always ironically says. After the excitation to be locked by Her it caused me the night before and my profound  desire to please Her, I could not resist to obey Her instruction even though this is making me extremely nervous. So I went there, it was very easy to find and in fact I discovered this neighborhood has a lot of such shops. When I entered inside, I was not really nervous but still I preferred to check out the items on my own without having to ask a person there explaining  I was looking for a chastity device (smiles) but of course those were displayed in a  showcase so … I had to. The thing looked like we had seen on the website just a bit larger than I expected: it was sitting in a white box like those designed for the apple products so I just bought the i-chastity device  and left..

So…later at home, yesterday night, I tried it and then realized it was not that easy to put it on. In particular, the ring is difficult to insert since one needs to pass the scrotum and the penis inside. I thought I could not do it but I succeeded eventually with the larger ring. It felt tight enough but since it was taking a huge place I worked out to put the middle ring and it worked. Then I put the part on the penis itself which is narrow even though I wasn’t aroused. In the end once everything is put together and locked, it’s a big package which is not so easy to hide probably because of the ring which is  quite thick. I took a few pictures for Mistress Natalia. It’s not very comfortable and it is impossible to forget when it is on but it does not hurt…. well at least when one is not aroused….

4/10 Day 4

Yesterday was the first time I had to wear the device when online with Mistress Natalia who demanded from me to wear it 30 minutes before I had to go offline at my research seminar. Even though It made me extremely nervous and I wanted to start that later I could not refuse her this amusement. As She showed me off in my new state to Miss Rosa and teased me, I immediately felt aroused and at the same time weaker and more submissive than usual. In that state, the impossibility to fully erect is utmost frustrating and source of excitement at the same time. It is caused by the narrowness of the cage (even when I am not aroused) and of the ring that must limit the blood flow. Instead of getting fully erected I feel my penis twitch more and consequently leak pre-cum. That makes me feel weak, horny, submissive and pathetic. It is a suffering but a pleasure at the same time. Later in the afternoon, when speaking with Mistress Natalia, I was constantly distracted by these sensations as I felt aroused by Her presence and attention. Consequently I have leaked a lot on Friday and it was fortunate I had protected my underwear with some tissue otherwise my pants would have been certainly wet. These leaks add to my frustration and even if it is only 4 days after my last orgasm, I am starting to feel like it is more.

My wife and I went out today and did some shopping. In the afternoon we decided to go get some massage at one of our local Chinese massage joints. The young female masseur who took care of me was particularly skilled and I felt very relaxed and she even massaged my bum lower than they usually do in these places. It was so good that I got very aroused and would have been fully erect if I had not stayed on my stomach. Instead my penis twitched  and leaked. I felt even more aroused when it made me think of Mistress Natalia and the chastity device She had me get… Fortunately neither my wife who were getting a massage next to me nor the masseur noticed or that would have been very embarrassing. Now my body is feeling needy again for release….

GenesisCove3_124

4/11 Day 5

After i wrote my log last night, I watched a movie and went to bed around 2am. I was tired, nevertheless I woke up maybe 2 hours later with Mistress Natalia in my thoughts. These thoughts got me aroused, throbbing and leaking for most of the night. I was so horny and leaking that it felt like I could have an orgasm in just a few seconds even though I was not touching myself. This disturbed my sleep the entire night even though I was trying to think of something else as my mind was always coming back to the same thing. I have the impression that my brain circuits for arousal are getting completely rewired towards just the thought of being owned, controlled, used or abused by Mistress Natalia or in three words of being her bitch. I am really becoming a pervert if I was not one already ! LOL

I got out of bed with a fully erected and leaking penis at 11 am to answer a call. I was dying to stroke and cum but I could not. I even believe that if I had decided to disobey and do this without permission I would not have taken any pleasure but would only had a felt guilty to displease my Mistress. My sexual stamina was so high that I had to cool it off one way or another; so I decided to go to the gym. I think I never was as full of energy in the gym as I was this morning despite the very agitated night. At some moment, my thoughts drifted to Mistress Natalia and even when I was running I could feel I was going to get a full erection if I let it go. After the gym, the sauna, the cold shower I was feeling better. I walked back home satisfied of that gym session and relaxed.

However, I know something is changing deep inside me. It comes from and is for Mistress Natalia. It is new and exciting. I would lie or would be stupid not to be nervous about it. I am clearly losing control. That’s fine because I trust Her. It is possible because I trust Her. I have decided to embrace this and I think I love it. It balances with other aspects of my personality and my life. Where ever it takes me, it takes us, I think the adventure is worth it because of who Mistress Natalia is. My deep and special feelings for Her are part of that journey and it is what makes it even more real…

 

If you are not yet bored of following my steps in the Realm of Mistress Natalia, here is the third installment from my chastity log. My last post ended when She was leaving for a week of work overseas, and had given me the instructions to follow Miss Rosa’s training during her absence. Coincidentally, I was also leaving for vacation in Florida that same week preventing me from coming online as it was expected by Miss Rosa. It was unfortunate, because She had plans and as you will see I had to endure the consequences of my failure to meet Her expectations . This left me with doubts as you will see which will be clarified in part 4 if you keep reading.

frenchyblog2_039

3/11 Day 6

As I said yesterday morning, I received some instructions from Miss Rosa concerning my chastity.
1) No touching my penis with my hands
2) Hump furniture and edges at least 4 times
3) Being allowed to touch some parts of my genitals or my anus except my penis at the price of a picture.
To accomplish 1) I need now to sit every single time I want to pee. I do that sometimes but doing it every time is embarrassing and a constraint but it does not bother me too much.

For 2), I went back home yesterday afternoon because I knew I would be alone and  I humped the corner of my mattress like I did last Saturday and I stimulated my testicles with my hands knowing I will have to pay with a picture for that. I edged 4 times when humping and even leaked pre-cum in my underwear. I was again like in heat and was so needy to ejaculate. I made pictures and  sent them to Miss Rosa at night as she instructed. Miss Rosa was happy of how I accomplished what I had to do and I was glad she was. We had the opportunity to talk more than we usually do and it was very good because it makes me know her better and be less anxious when around her.

Mistress Natalia left a wicked laughter as an offline this morning. I miss Her. I hope Her upcoming travel won’t be too stressful.

3/14 Day 1

Friday afternoon, I humped all I could in my office and I massaged my testicles (and I made 4 pictures of that) but I could not put myself in a mindset and get aroused. I could not find more privacy to be in a state that would allow me to edge without using my hands. It was very frustrating because I really wanted to do what Miss Rosa instructed…I saw Her a bit later to give Her the pictures I shot and fortunately She seemed to be happy of what I had done. She then told me that my instruction would be in the following days to keep aiming to edging.

Saturday, we flew to Miami for the spring break. The hotel we are in is nice …I did not know when I would have some alone time to be able to follow Miss Rosa’s instructions, however I got an idea: I will do it during the morning when my wife goes out for a walk on the beach with her dog since she knows I like to sleep late on vacation mornings. So I tried again Sunday mornings but I could not really get aroused. It is very difficult to get myself in the mindset sometimes and not being allowed to touch make things even more difficult.
So  I failed again Sunday morning. However Sunday afternoon I had sex with my wife (so today is Day 1) and it was a real relief of the frustration although because of the chastity cntraints of the last few weeks I was not able to hold it very long….

We are now Monday morning and I  walked up earlier to try again to hump things in the bedroom  following Miss Rosa’s instructions when my wife is outside walking on the beach. I got more successful and I made some pictures. I did not get a full erection but it’s difficult to do so without being in feminine presence and without being able to touch…. I hope Miss Rosa will be satisfied by the pictures. I had sent an email to Her but I wonder if She saw it…..I also sent one to Mistress Natalia. and am longing to talk to Her ….I hope She is well.

3/17 Day 1

After reading my last entries, Miss Rosa gave me new instructions and allowed me to have access again to my genitals and  masturbate if I insert my forefinger in my anus and investigate my prostate at the same time. I was also instructed to repeat the mantra “my hole is meant to be fucked”. I did so everyday since each time I am alone or when I think of it. I have said it out loud as well when I can. I feel silly saying that but I feel it is also getting to me and makes me desire to be fucked this way.

I have masturbated once following Miss Rosa instructions and have explored my prostate. I think I have located it and have started to get some feeling of it but not anything really pleasurable. Maybe I touched it too lightly but I am nervous about hurting if I push it too hard. I have tried several time though and I am getting to it more easily now. I have done more pictures as she demanded as well and gave them today.

I was thrilled to see Mistress Natalia today even though I ended up being punished. It hurts more than anything to see her disappointed and I deserve the punishment since I did not meet Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa’s expectations. I will work more to learn on how to anticipate what is expected. I just hope Mistress Natalia did not see that as a lack of commitment. The 30 days of chastity are going to be terrible to endure….

3/18 Day 2

I am having insomnia not only because I was woken up by the music outside (still active at 5am) but also because my mind can’t stop thinking and reflecting  like  most of yesterday alone time  to  what happened yesterday morning. I have had mixed feelings and I got to  wonder if I should just think on how to please better or if I should stop doing that and  just react instinctively to the grooming I am the subject of.

Basically punishments come as a way of grooming when an expectation has not been met.  Of course nothing new here but what I am not used to is that  it could be that this expectation was never (clearly or not)  formulated at all. Anticipation is the key here and I probably failed because I do not know Miss Rosa well enough to anticipate her expectations which could be different from Mistress Natalia’s. I will therefore work on getting to know Miss Rosa better in case a similar situation occur. More generally speaking,  I also have to thrive harder to create new ways to meet the expectations of Mistress Natalia in case the usual ways can’t be possible because or the circumstances. Also I have to stay alert to anticipate any expectation She could have.

Finally, I can’t finish without expressing my gratitude to Mistress Natalia for giving me this punishment that teaches me to serve and please Her better and to Miss Rosa for having tested me during Mistress Natalia’s absence. Also I am happy that Mistress Natalia enjoys making my life miserable. It is one of the ways of pleasing Her and it makes my life miserable but not too much thanks to that.  The worse pain is to see her displeased or disappointed. For me, it is the true punishment.

frenchyblog2_005

 

3/19 day 3

Yesterday Mistress Natalia continued to punish me by having me wear a sissy outfit She had a lot of  fun creating as I got humiliated in front of everyone….So I am now on duty to scrub the deck of DS in this sissy outfit with instruction to greet each “Divine” in a certain way and stress that “my hole is meant to be fucked” to add to my humiliation. This has had already a consequence since Miss Isabelle I never met took this opportunity to have my pixel hole used by her boy…

I hate to be feminized and treated as a sissy but I will do it gracefully to please Mistress Natalia as I know She is enjoying to make me feel miserable for my punishment. The idea I am pleasing Her in this way it what matters to me after all. The rest is secondary. This treatment reminds me of the experiences I had in the past but I feel much more detached from  this now. I also should add that I admire the confidence that  Mistress Natalia  has  in her power and ability to inflict this to me  knowing it is something I would classify as a hard limit. This confidence in Her power and superiority over me is very arousing. Each time She displays it with strength it makes me melt. When I thought of it yesterday and today I can’t help but feel an arousal which reminds me of my chastity state for the next 27 days…I feel already this will make me feel or become even more submissive and it makes me shiver in anticipation…

3/20 Day 4

The thoughts of my submission to Mistress Natalia, of Her power, of my desire to make Her happy, of my forbidden access to my genitals for 26 more days, of the instructions to develop my anal sexuality do not leave me in peace when I am not occupied by something else. It also triggers arousal and cravings to touch myself and I do what I can only do considering the restrictions … I caress my anus and insert a finger which gives me some relief but also makes me want to touch again and again making me desire for something more intense…At the same time my love for Mistress Natalia, the craving to please Her,  to be near Her and the need for Her praises keep my mind full of thoughts of Her…I feel I want to do more for Her, anything She wants, going one or more steps further in my submission…if She wants to allow it and I am feeling like begging for it sometimes… What keeps me from doing it, is not pride nor shyness but the fear She interprets it like a selfish need. Also I trust Her way to conduct this in the pace She knows is best.

3/21 Day 5

Yesterday was another emotional strike to me and I felt down again last afternoon after Mistress Natalia left as I am worried she is still disappointed. I don’t know if this is an intentional mind fuck to break me or if it is a real doubt about my intentions for doing what was expected of me during my week in Miami but I feel like I am losing it lately. Of course, I know I am tested to take whatever  treatment I am given which I will take as much as I can because I chose to submit fully to Mistress Natalia to please Her and make Her happy always. I have seen Miss Rosa last night and she said nice encouraging words and I felt better before going to bed. This morning I felt slightly aroused at the thought of becoming more submissive and hurried up to get prepared to be online to serve Mistress Natalia but it would be a lie not to say I feel anxious …

3/22 Day 6

Yesterday morning I spent more than 3 hours at DS doing my duty, scrubbing the floor and welcoming the Divines and offering my service and my hole as instructed. Miss G asked me to clean her dirty boots and fucked me hard and merciless calling me “whore” all the time. What an humiliation! It did not get aroused  but I am sure I leaked some precum out of it, like each time I am humiliated harshly. Each time this leaking happens, it makes the chastity even more difficult to bear….

In the afternoon, I had the happiness to see Mistress Natalia and be relieved from my punishment for a time together. It felt like a rainbow of sweetness after the storm of emotional torture of the last few days. It made me feel light and I was so happy to share that moment with my Mistress. This morning and tonight I felt some arousing when thinking of Mistress Natalia and how submissive I feel able to be just for Her and that feeling amplifies if I touch my anus the only thing I am allowed to touch for the next 24 days….

3/23 Day 7

Yesterday evening , Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa convoked me and it was again emotionally stressful even if I can see too well (some of) the strings pulled by the two manipulative and smart Dominas who seem to play in unison their art of domination. At least, Mistress Natalia enjoyed it which is what matters. I don’t know about Miss Rosa who seems to ignore me today… I did not sleep well mainly because all this is raising doubts about my compatibility with Mistress Natalia. I don’t think I am that kind of masochistic slave feeling pain all the time but who at least gets a turn on from the suffering even if no pleasure… I can do a lot sacrifices and get pain to please but not permanently and I cannot deny who I am: I am not looking for pleasure for myself but what if my desire gets affected ?

In this continuation of my chastity log, I shamelessly show  an uncontrollable lust inspired by an irresistible desire and need of being the property of  Mistress Natalia. The style is confused, rough and with repetitions of words that can only show a loss of self control and display how my obsession for Her is enhanced by my chastity state. When I reread it, I can only imagine how amused She must have been to see the powerful impact of Her control on my arousal and how I am conflicted between the urges of my body and my need to please and obey Her. Maybe it should be kept in mind that this log was originally written exclusively for Mistress Natalia. However She has decided to expose my predicaments here for Her amusement and yours. I hope you enjoy it.

frenchyWhipMarks_004Blog

2/25 Day 1

There is not much to say about yesterday except that Mistress Natalia is always in my mind during the day and when I wake up in the middle of the night which makes he constraint of chastity felt sharper. Of course I therefore miss Her when She is not around. Still I was happy to be able to say a quick hello yesterday and that she is back in NYC. I can’t wait to see Her again and I know my heart will race when She will appear online. I feel like my thirst of Her will never be quenched but is only getting stronger …

2/26 Day 2

Mistress Natalia is settling both in my mind and my heart and I care a lot for Her happiness but She was apparently not feeling great yesterday. My heart tightened to hear that. I hope She will recover soon from the tiredness of the last few days and feel better. There is nothing like seeing her laugh, smile and be happy…

Like each morning now, my head filled up with thoughts of Her when I woke up. The realization of Her grip on my mind, Her power over me, my willingness and my hunger to obey Her commands  fueled an erection for Her that got even stronger from the knowledge I was restricted to touch and that the my penis is Her property … I wanted to touch at least my testicles but I did know whether I was allowed to and I therefore could not … instead I kept the thought  of being Hers in my mind until I had to go in the shower

3/1 Day 6

I miss Mistress Natalia so much. Finding myself needy and weak, I have been trying to stay away from SL since Mistress Natalia is not around. But I am unable to focus on anything as the frustrating sensations of my penis and balls forced to chastity keep distracting me. I am needy of Mistress Natalia. More than anything I crave to serve and to be near Her and that She uses or abuses me. Feeling desperately ready to give her the keys of my kinks She would demand to make me even more vulnerable or manipulable and be totally at Her mercy as I find myself so weak that I would have no resistance against any of Her whims.

3/4 Day 9

I am pretty much in the same state except that it is getting worse. I am desperate to serve Mistress Natalia and be near Her. The chastity, the sperm getting stuck and drying out in my testicles are making me more desperate every morning and every night or when I have time alone for myself…I can’t concentrate on anything….

3/5 Day 0

In a moment of pure generosity, Mistress Natalia allowed me have an orgasm during the week-end with the condition I do not use my hands. I was so grateful and happy of Mistress Natalia’s kindness to allow me this relief although I would have been as happy to suffer more for her if she had desired it. Also, I could not help but feel my admiration for her way to always add a challenge to spice up Her directions. This challenge of not using my hands kept me preoccupied most of the next few hours after I read Mistress Natalia’s message and so even when I was at Carnegie Hall yesterday evening for a Flamenco concert. This tells how much my chastity state would not let me focus much on anything….

So I tried to think of all the ways I could use to get an erection and eventually cum without using my hands to stimulate my penis. From using the heel of my right foot to rub myself – but I could only hit my testicles which did stimulate me but a wrong move would hurt a lot and ruin everything – or rubbing myself against a furniture, the edge of the bath tube or even a door or a wall, I felt myself several times quite pathetic and desperate during the late evening. I also thought about using mental auto suggestions and I discovered that sometimes just repeating myself over and over again “I am Mistress Natalia’s property” or any variation of it invoking my obedience would put me in a plenitude state of arousal and make my penis grow hard as if each time I said the sentence I was stroking my penis. I also tried to squeeze my penis between my thighs and twist and squirm my body to create a stimulation….

However given the constraint, I could not have enough privacy to be able to reach orgasm so I waited the Saturday morning when I was by myself. The night had been quite agitated and I could feel my blue balls aching for release more than ever. I eventually used the corner of my mattress that I humped desperately, groaning and moaning widely without holding back to reach the orgasm that I needed so much. I imagined Mistress Natalia watching me and how hilarious that would have been for her to see me in that state. That humiliating thought finished to complete my arousal until I came inside my underwear which I filled with warm and white thick sperm, unloading the weight of frustration I was carrying these last ten days….

frenchyWhipMarks_010Blog

 

3/7 Day 2

After getting the release of Saturday morning, the week-end went smoothly with no longer having to struggle with the constantly reminded frustration sitting in my testicles. Even the morning erections felt much healthier (I noticed that – contrary to what I thought – when I am in chastity for more than a week or so my erections do not happen as often without physical stimulation or direct tease). It was a relief to be able to focus on other things when needed to. I am so grateful to Mistress Natalia for allowing me this release. My increasing love for Her has no equal but my devotion and my desire to please Her more than anything. I know it is a challenging journey to serve Her but it is one of the most exciting I ever had and I am immensely grateful to Her to have taken me in it.

3/9 Day 4

Yesterday was a busy day and I did not have much to think about my chastity state. However this morning, I really felt the need to play with myself again and it took me a lot of effort to resist the temptation. I was even going to fail but once in the bathroom I could hold myself thanks to the thought of Mistress Natalia and went to take my shower as usual. I feel that keeping this chastity state into a regular thing is more difficult on the long run than I expected and it is getting to me. Only  for Mistress Natalia can I do this with the desire to submit to Her will and not disappoint Her. I need to keep winning this fight against the animal urges of my body and the lust of my mind. How long will I be able to do that without begging Mistress Natalia for relaxing this constant restriction?

3/10 Day 5

It is only 5 days and I feel the urge to ejaculate as if the few times (three times) I had the opportunity to do so in the last 30 days did not allow me to ever empty my testicles. It is as if the frustration is pilling up in my flesh making my mind blur and confused, unable to focus on the usual and making me weak and more submissive than ever.

I have to deal with my sexual frustration and my deep desire to please Mistress Natalia. I hope that I will find the strength to stay chaste as long as Mistress Natalia wants. I would just feel so bad or even sad to disappoint or displease Her. I do not care about my sexual pleasure. I only care about Her but my body is my enemy here in making me physically weak and frustrated like a devil tempting me at every corner. I need so much to stop feeling the teases of my flesh between my thighs….

Mistress Natalia is gone for a week and I will miss Her so much. Miss Rosa will be controlling me during Her absence and she has given me already instructions that will surely challenge even more my chastity state. I will have to seek for energy and strength in me to be able to hold it. I will do whatever it takes to draw them from my passion and devotion to please my Mistress.

 

 

I met Mistress Natalia on January 20th; and since then, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions I would not have imagined in my wildest dreams. I am a French guy in his forties,  successful in my scientific field of research and married, some would say alpha in my everyday RL life. A few years ago, I have  discovered a taste for D/s dynamics and more recently an irresistible attraction for dominant women. It is banal to say that often in our society a man discovering such desires struggles in accepting them and understanding what they really are about. However, if one keeps an open mind and one meets the right person, it can become much easier. Like many of us, I have had numerous experiences in SL with various people and it took  me some time to figure out what is what and for example make the difference between being kinky and being submissive: Enjoying a strap-on does not make you a submissive and being submissive does not mean you desire to be used in this way, but I am digressing now…

What I wanted to say is that when I met Mistress Natalia, I was not only struck by Her sharp intelligence, Her open mind and how easy it is to communicate with Her or in one word how I clicked with Her exceptional personality but also by the fact that I knew for certain that if I had met Her earlier I would not have struggled so much in accepting and understanding my inner needs. It is for these reasons, as I told Her that day, that I felt extremely lucky just to have had the chance to speak with Her (even if at that moment I did not expect this would go anywhere). It does not mean it is easy of course; nothing of value in life comes easily. But serving Mistress Natalia is worth all the sacrifices I can make for this to happen and learning how to serve Her is a permanent and exciting challenge that I find myself incredibly privileged and grateful to be able to take. Even in the most difficult moments, my passion for Her doesn’t stop growing.

At Her request, I am presenting below some extracts of my chastity log or journal that She asked me to start writing about a month after we met. You will see how my feelings and devotion have developed and how I am becoming more enslaved to Her every single day. It also shows how I naively opened myself to Her and how confused I am in the process. If you can read between the lines like She can, you might see even more about my vulnerabilities.

Lingerie2_002

2/17

Mistress Natalia who gave me the privilege to own me and which I still am learning how to please allowed me to play with myself last night with  the specific instruction of inserting my middle finger inside my rectum when doing it. I very rarely do it this way and it brings mixed feelings and sensations. I let my mind wander when I was wriggling my finger and stroking my shaft, letting some fantasies taking control of my arousal — Mistress Natalia and her constant reminder that I am Her Property and under Her Strict Control is what made me the most excited (after the idea of Her fucking me with a strap-on with some of her sexy leather outfits). It was very exciting but at the same time, I felt pathetic to do this with my finger there… When I reached my orgasm, I ejaculated a thicker sperm than usual probably due to the several days of chastity that had just ended. But the finger inside my anus sort of ruined the pleasure I usually have when doing this; so I did it another time but removed the finger just before I came, it was not as good as it would have the first time though but it was a true relief. A new period of chastity is now starting, I am determined to honor Mistress Natalia’s will and control proudly.

2/18  Day 1

I woke up thinking of Mistress Natalia and feeling through a morning arousal the grip she holds already on my mind. Just thinking how She seemingly effortless makes me bend to Her will and control boosted my arousal even more and I found myself throbbing even harder and sort of uncontrollably. It left me  frustrated physically not to be allowed to touch myself still knowing that this constraint was also fueling my  arousal: one of the many contradictions and mixed feelings of a submissive in a D/s relationship.

I did not really think I would have to say anything about my chastity condition on this first day but eventually I had. As my mind was wandering and was considering what I could write in my log today, I realized and convened that giving my thoughts away every day in this log  will give as many keys to Mistress Natalia on how to lock me even more under Her control. Looking back at the path taken already until now in about a month, considering the mistakes I have made and how I paid for them progressively without blinking, either to show my willingness to please (and because there was no real other option) or even because I knew I deserved it, seeing how I am already craving Mistress Natalia’s presence so much that  I would just content myself to be near Her when She chats with others seemingly ignoring some of my remarks but knowing She watches me, feeling my hunger to please and to receive strict orders from Her…..all that…makes me deeply aware of my situation and scares me that there might be no turning back, in the sense that I might not want to turn back even if I wanted to. In other words, I feel that the control I have given willingly to Mistress Natalia might already be out of my reach to take it back, me who once had limits, I see myself swallowing things for Her I would not have done for anyone before…..that’s how good  and amazing She is….

2/19 Day 2

I feel very lucky, proud and privileged not only to become closer and closer to Mistress Natalia but to be now Her bitch carrying a new name  “frenchy” she has chosen for me with all what it entails. As Miss Rosa said “I have got this far” and it makes me so happy to have pleased Mistress Natalia as much as it made me earn this. Seeing Her happy or pleasing Her is what gives all the meaning to this incipient bond that is making me more vulnerable but at the same time stronger. More vulnerable because I am craving Her more everyday and am slowly but surely opening myself to give Her more ways to control me, to own me or to inflict me pain.  Stronger because my feelings and trust in Her fill me with courage and strength to deal with the challenges ahead which make me nervous as I feel more and more that I am approaching the point of no return. Should I tell her my heart races each time she appears online or when I read  ” ηɑէɑlιɑ Қєşşєl is typing….” on the top my chat window or she knows it already?

2/20 Day 3

Yesterday was busy and intense. Busy because I had to perform in a gay acting show, had to serve Miss Mancipia and her friend Miss Alix and finally and unexpectedly got dressed in a whore outfit by Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa for a next to come pimp out trip. Intense because of the consequent deep humiliations that entail these.

Of course, my deep desire and motivation is to bring happiness and amusement to my Mistress. Seeing She is satisfied, happy and proud is an immense joy and a genuine intimate pride. This is a truly amazing feeling which is boosted by my growing love for Her. On the other hand, the humiliations and manipulations I am the subject of  are undoubtedly tougher and psychologically more exhausting each time. I am not a masochist. But I think I have been able to handle them quite well  thanks to  the smiles that all this has brought on the face of Mistress Natalia.

I am well aware that at the same time this allows Her to take  even more control over me and that fact combined with Her strong confidence in Her power  and  Her irradiant presence , when I thought of it a posteriori  has brought me again tonight an uncontrollable arousal. I felt my penis grow suddenly hard and throbbing so much that I felt like a warm pulsation was enveloping all my senses and my mind. I could almost have been dreaming  that Mistress Natalia was physically with me and  had tied me up at Her mercy and  were stroking me to the edge forbidding me to cum. It was very strong and powerful like I was high and this shows one more time that Power/Exchange turns me on like nothing else. It happened two times during the night which was therefore quite agitated….

I thought about a metaphor…. The first few days with Mistress Natalia, it was like I was walking in shallow waters..my bare feet would hurt some stones and I would have to be more careful how to progress…as I pursue the journey the water gets deeper and, faster than I thought  I need to walk on my toes to keep my head above water…I am following her and I feel that  I will soon need to learn how to swim and even to swim in deep waters….when that time comes, that will signify I have lost all control…

DevineSadismActivity_010

2/22 Day 5

During the day following the last entry, I was quite nervous and anxious. It was probably because I did not sleep much the night before which was agitated as I said. I was mixed between the desire to come online and the need to take a break from the intense emotions I am increasingly feeling since I met Mistress Natalia. Also I went out in Central Park and in my neighborhood, the week-end was quite nice. I just came online Saturday to send my log and to greet Miss Rosa at DS.

However Saturday and Sunday nights  were still agitated : when I was in bed, my mind was freely wandering and I experienced again those arousal  which are getting more and more frustrating since I can’t touch myself. It does not only become frustrating but also obsessing when I sometimes am unable to think of something else and craving to be near my Mistress just to be given strict orders and to feel Her superiority and Dominance over me. And also, this state of chastity makes me feel even more submissive and confused…I don’t know what I want….if I want to be released from chastity or being enforced more…maybe because I know  that what I desire is actually what Mistress Natalia wants….

And She said I will need a life jacket …

2/23 Day 6

I can’t believe it has been only 6 full days of chastity. The last interval of abstinence was 9 days and I could have kept it longer but this time the frustration and the physical need for release is much higher. I haven’t interacted much with Mistress Natalia yesterday but even when I hung out with my SL friends She was in the back of my mind. And I spent an unusual amount of time to look for shoes that I liked and that I hope She would like to complement her outfit. So, She is kind of getting obsessively in my mind now…like I am in love….

After hanging out with my SL friends, I have had a more peaceful evening though until before going to bed when I checked my email  and  read these words from Mistress Natalia’s response to my last entry : “Right where I want you animal”. These simple words hit me harder than I could have expected. And the night was a bit agitated not only because of these words dancing in my mind when I went to bed but because for about 3 times during the night when I was half conscious half asleep I felt a kind  of convulsive arousal : My penis was growing and twitching at the same time uncontrollably as I was imagining Mistress Natalia smacking hard my bare ass with her bare hand. As I was in that state, I felt like an animal – literally- left with just my basic urges of sex, fear and submission. I had touched my penis I would have ejaculated in no time. I leaked however leaving me frustrated, pathetic and weak as I had no will to break my chastity cycle but only a desire to stay in the state Mistress Natalia wants me to be in.

The training I am receiving from Mistress Natalia seemed to appear in a new light. The fact She sometimes calls me “animal”, like if this is where She wants me to be – as she said – as an animal She can control using its basic animal urges as buttons She plays with. Of course, I kind of knew that before, but only unconsciously or just theoretically but last night I felt it in my flesh…

2/24 Day 0

Yesterday Mistress Natalia showered me with attention and rewarded me with an unexpected non-BDSM time which filled me with happiness and gratitude. The time spent with Mistress Natalia flies always and makes me each time desire for more, wanting to know more of Her and realizing how little I know and how much I need or crave to learn. There is no such thing as learning all about someone but spending time with Her, impregnating myself of Her ways to be and interact and learning the information She lets out about Herself is how my curiosity and needs of Her will be fed. Maybe more importantly, it fuels the relationship in intimacy and trust and makes it ready to develop more as possibilities open up.

This is Day 0 again because Mistress Natalia instructed me to orgasm last night time and to achieve this in 60 s or less. This is towards my training to reaching orgasm on command. As instructed, I isolated myself in the bathroom and set the stopwatch to 60 s before playing with my penis. No need to say I was a bit stressed not to succeed considering the past nights frustrations. Maybe for this reason and because  of the very short time I had to set up my mind to this, I hardly succeeded to get a full erection but on the other hand, I came quite pathetically releasing myself of some of the  load of sperm I had accumulated during  the strong arousal of the past few days. So I consider it as half a success…I would need some help from Mistress Natalia to learn how to set up my mind faster….

 

 

Ronin1stSession_002

One of the problems with taking a hiatus, is that what were once loyal pets eventually move on if you are not around. I get it. Dominants & submissives alike have needs that need to be met; and if they are not being met with you, they will be met by someone else. Sort of like the law of the jungle. But as one day ends; another begins, as I have started my search for a new favorite submissive.

When I was actively doing this blog, I was a huge control freak(big surprise!) about making sure that I had a hand in every post that went out(writing 100% of the copy  & photographing the majority of them). It was that important to me to make sure that it was a quality read for the few people that regularly checked in, to look for new posts. Now the price for that is, blog posts would become a labor as time is always at a premium for me. An easy solution that I came up with was to have my slaves do some of the work. I mean what is the point of having a slave. Like right?

So this post is written by my new slave “sprinkles”:

i noticed Mistress Natalia the second i walked into the room She was in. She was kind enough to respond to my IM.  I inquired about Her possible need for a submissive to which She began asking about myself.  What i may have to offer and how i could think i would be worthy of Her time.  I feel fortunate that my answers were enough to at least give me a second look.  Mistress Natalia made sure i knew my place and was very clear about Her expectations.

Mistress then invited me to Her residence to speak further.  She gave me an idea of what She expected of Her property.  In my experiences outside of SL and within SL its often quite easy to dismiss those that claim to be a Domme but are not.  With Mistress Natalia, it was quite clear, quite quickly that She is what She claims to be.

Mistress honored me with more of Her time and it seemed that i would be allowed to prove myself to Her.  At Her request i wrote out a scene and sent it to Her.  Once read, She responded that She was pleased and allowed me to again be in Her presence.  I was summoned to present myself to Her.  I stripped my clothes and stood before Her for inspection.  Mistress soon got sick of looking at me and had me strap into a medical hood.  It was tight and suffocating but i was proud to wear it.   My desire to exist at the heel of a powerful Dominant made my entire body shiver while standing for inspection.  Worried that i would not measure up.. afraid i may say the wrong things but i believe my honestly, proper responses and behavior fit for a sub did catch Her eye.

She took control of my collar, my hood and roughly strapped me to a slave pole and explained in more detail what is expected of Her property.   The more time i spent with Her, the more intrigued i became.  She ran her hand over my chest, tasted my flesh and grips my cock firmly.  Two simple strokes of Her hand, sliding up and down the length of my cock sent a tingle from head to toe.. i was hooked.

After such time Mistress Natalia seemed to come to the conclusion that this worthless slut may indeed be made into something.  i was given a few assignments, told of some toys and tools i was to get and left here, strapped to the pole so i may work on this part of Her assignment.

This worthless boy is completely honored to have caught the eye off Mistress Natalia and the thought that She may deem me worthy of Her time is one hard to even comprehend.  I know i have so much to learn.. .i know i am truly not worthy to even be in the same room as someone such as Herself, but i also know i have the desire and the ambition to be made into something that is of use for Her.  I know i can be trained… i know i can please Her as i improve.. and i know, if i truly give my heart to Her that i can be Hers.

Before Dismissing me, Mistress added restrictions to my collar.  I can now only see Mouseview and my IM privileges were removed.  This worthless slut believes its appropriate because Mistress Natalia may have interest in me.  Because of that, there is no reason for me to have contact with anyone other than Her.. this slut believes thats because my focus should be entirely on Her and nothing else during this time.  I would never, ever question Mistress’s motives.

Mistress then left, leaving me strapped to the pole to work on my assignment.  I did it as quickly as i could and submitted it.  Mistress send it back immediately as it needed more work.

Before leaving for the day i was lucky enough to have Her return.  She was slightly pleased with me and offered me something as a reward.  I could have my IM’s back, She could remove mouselook, or She would allow me to add Her as a friend.  This was a no brainer for this boy and i asked that She allow me to have Her on my list.  She allowed it.  Mistress then reminded me of what may be in store for me and what She expects from me before releasing me from the pole and leaving.

i can only hope my assignments please Her and that Mistress Natalia finds use of me in the future, until then i will wait on my knees for Her return.

thank You Mistress Natalia, i will do my best to prove my obedience worthy of You.

-slave who desperately wants to be called sprinkles