Archive for the ‘Feel the Hellfire’ Category

If you are a scum and have not yet met the Divine Goddess Jaminda on the Divine Sadism deck or in the shadows of the stone walls of her dungeon called the Abyss where she would put you in your place if you ever forgot you have one, then you certainly want to give your best impression the first time you cross her path. You might get the help you need by reading this interview She has generously accepted to respond to after inviting me to  her beautiful dungeon.

Goddess Jaminda has chosen the challenge to answer spontaneously to my questions in live without notes (smiles) and I believe it says a lot about her personality. Also, I am particularly grateful for the time She has devoted to answering every single question I dared to ask without dodging (we have met at least three times for this interview) and for her patience when I was shooting the photographs.

jaminda3frenchy : Thank you very much for receiving me and for accepting to do this interview Goddess Jaminda, we are all curious to know more about you and this is a great opportunity!

Divine Goddess Jaminda: Well this is a lovely opportunity

frenchy : Before anything, I would like to ask whether you are comfortable to share some general (non private) information about your person in RL? Or do you do it only once you know a person for some time?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I am happy to share.

frenchy : Thank you Goddess.  I will have some questions about it but first of all, I would like to ask : how would you present yourself as a person to someone you meet for the first time?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I am a complex person…. I tend to reveal more of myself over time and can be quite guarded initially. However I am always friendly and polite. Unless of course someone gives me reason not to be or behaves like an idiot. It largely depends on how I am approached.

frenchy (nods understandingly) : I saw in your profile that you are from the UK, would like to share anything about your social and culture origins and the path you have followed since your childhood?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: Yes I am from England….My family traveled a lot in my early years and we didn’t settle for some time. I had a very sheltered upbringing in many respects. My generation was one that did not have access to instant information and the internet. Often I laugh about how innocent I was compared to young people today but in a way that was a good thing, I have had a wonderful and exciting path to where I am now and it would not have happened that way otherwise

frenchy (smiles) : The internet has indeed allowed people to see quite a few things they would not in their neighborhood or family …

Divine Goddess Jaminda: And also to meet people of a like mind. The internet has opened up so many opportunities for people in so many ways.

frenchy : Indeed… What is your RL occupation? Does it allow you to express your dominant personality in your every day life?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I work with school nurses…Its an all female office and is a lot of fun. They are the nicest group of people I have worked with although the job itself is pretty mundane and boring – I am surrounded by paper and files. We are in the process of going into an electronic system and it’s a complete nightmare! I also work in what I call “the box” it’s like something out of the dark ages – it has to be seen to be believed chuckles. …as for expressing my Dominant personality in rl to a degree I can and do, although not anywhere to the extent that I do in second life. I am fortunate to be surrounded by open-minded people both at work and in my personal life. I am fiercely independent and have surprised those closest to me in other areas of my life so they have learned to expect the unexpected. I am not saying they wouldn’t be surprised if they knew EVERYTHING I did but definitely not shocked.

frenchy : Maybe my next question will sound silly now but let me ask it still please 🙂 Do you need or like to be in control of every aspect of your life? In other words, are you a control freak? ☺

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I LOVE control but would not call myself a control freak as I enjoy and use improvisation too much to be one. Realistically you can’t be in control of everything and the joy of improvisation would be lost.

frenchy : Then it is a balance between control and improvisation…I was going to ask if you like to plan in advance or prefer to improvise but I think you partly answered that question 🙂

Divine Goddess Jaminda: Yes I love to improvise….I find it exciting to think on my feet. It actually challenges me too to be imaginative and creative. Often I will have a plan of what I intend to do but it is exciting to see what happens and the twists and turns that improvisation provides

frenchy : (nods and smiles) Before moving to the crux of the matter, I would like to ask a few more questions about non bdsm topics. What are your favorite book/movie/music that you like to share with the persons you are close to?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I am not a great reader….but I love music. I have a broad range of likes however classical music is my greatest love…I listen to it even when I am driving to work just to soothe me and get me in the right frame of mind to face the day ahead (laughs). This is a love I share with my rl friends and family. I go to concerts as often as I can. As far as movies are concerned I watch very few. I prefer a good period drama in most respects, the movie has to have a good story to engage my interest.

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frenchy : Do you like to travel? What is your dream destination?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I would love to travel more! I have been lucky and seen some amazing places in my time. I would love to go to Iceland…and am planning to go there in the next year or so, I want to see the Northern Lights. I am more drawn to colder countries than hot ones, I prefer more wild and landscape type holidays in beautiful places to cities. I would love to go back to Africa (probably Kenya next time I went to South Africa previously) I was lucky enough to go on safari and absolutely loved it. Being in the bush and being surrounded by wild animals was exceptionally thrilling. However I would go in their spring or autumn. I am not good in hot weather.

frenchy : I have seen you like to enjoy dancing and the music events of SL. Would you like to tell us more about your other interests in SL except BDSM?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : Yes I love the creativity here in SL and the challenge it takes to put on a performance in a 2d world.. I am a big fan of the arts in both worlds. I love the theater, ballet and visual arts. I go to cultural events/exhibitions in real life as often as I can and similarly here in SL it’s the same. .

frenchy (smiles) In a world mainly composed of macho societies, it might not be easy just to realize for a woman that she can be dominant. Could you tell us how you discovered that side of you and how it has changed your life?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : No even in western societies women are not actively encouraged to be dominant or aspire to be. I discovered my dominant nature over quite a period of time. I experimented with the very basics like face-sitting and spanking early on but then felt a deeper desire to explore my darker side and it grew from there really. .So there was a lot of experimentation initially which became refined until what it is now. So it has changed my life on virtually every level from my relationships with men to how I go about my daily life.

frenchy : So it was quite late that you realized you wanted to be a Domme?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : oh yes.

frenchy : How would you present yourself as a Mistress to someone you meet for the first time or in other words, what is your style of domination?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I enjoy many aspects of domination but if I had to choose one it would be humiliation. The more degrading and perverted it is the better… it keeps the creative juices flowing as well

frenchy : Are you a female supremacist? Could you explain the difference between female supremacy and what we could call “female entitlement” (smiles) ?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: Female entitlement to me is to expect something because you are a woman. A supremacist is something quite different. Am I one? I am not one to label myself as I am me and that is enough. I certainly enjoy the Female Supremacist lifestyle and think that men have failed on so many levels in patriarchal societies I certainly believe that women would do a far better job

frenchy : For you, what is the most difficult part in being a Mistress?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : A lot believe a Mistress’s role is easy but it’s complex and can be demanding. It is why I have striven for a balance in all things so when it does get like that (which is very rare) I go off and do something else.

frenchy : Is being a Mistress just a SL thing or does it carry over to your RL? Do you have a slave or slaves in Rl, as opposed to SL crossovers?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : It’s SL with RL crossovers at the moment. Am very open to it becoming real life however that would have to be at the right time. It’s not practical at the moment for a number of reasons. Also it would be imperative to me to find the right slave which takes time and consideration so I am in no rush. If the right slave came along at the opportune moment then yes it could well happen.

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frenchy : May I ask a bit more about your bdsm tastes. You have said that you love to humiliate and degrade men. What is the profound reason you enjoy it in your opinion?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : For me its the power the total control I have over a slave, To be able to make it do things it really struggles with or even repulses it thrills me. When I say thrill that is not just an erotic charge it is a very complex multifaceted feeling.

frenchy : Does that mean that humiliation and degradation is for you an expression of this control and power?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : It’s my favorite method of expressing power, however there is a multitude of ways of doing the same thing. I like to mix and match methods. Variety is hugely important and keeps the dynamic between myself and the slave I am with more interesting. I have been described as unpredictable which is very true. I am a woman of moods and it keeps a slave on their toes as they really don’t know what will happen.

frenchy : What excite you the most, to inflict pain or the feeling to be in total control?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : The feeling of control without a doubt. I enjoy inflicting pain, don’t get me wrong and there is a thrill in that for sure. But the power is what excites me more. Either way you can be creative whether its inflicting pain or degrading a slave but the TPE is what I think drives a lot of us Dommes and its what drives me for sure

frenchy : As many submissives I believe…(smiles) ….Putting humiliation and TPE aside, are there any other fetishes among your favorites that you want to mention? or are the fetishes just a mean to express your control and they are not so important?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I find fetishes fascinating… there are so many of them and yet you still find more that you have not heard of chuckles. I don’t have an overall favorite but I enjoy most of the usual ones face-sitting, boot/foot and ass worship too, I also enjoy trampling and this one may surprise some people I enjoy tickle torture. Some people may think that is rather “lightweight”  but believe me if your slave is ticklish it is pure hell for them and of course I make sure it is 🙂

frenchy (smiles and nods in agreement.) : Would you say then that fetishes are a fundamental part of the personality of a Domme or a slave?

Divine Goddess Jaminda :  I can enjoy fetishes for their own sake, but most of the time if I use them they are an expression of my control. I think they are fundamentally part of the slave personality and make up. For a Domina they are one of many tools.

frenchy : So are there for you like a way to get leverage over a slave?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I can use a fetish in a multitude of ways over a slave both as a reward or a punishment for example however I think its more complex than that. The dynamic between myself and a slave is driven by many factors than just leverage.

frenchy : Do you like to include a RL component in your D/s relationship in SL? How far would that component go and how important is role playing versus RL submission for you?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : Yes absolutely I give real life tasks regularly I think they are essential. I only do this when I get to know a slave and think they are worthy of my time and energy. However, my time is limited and I want to work with those that take it seriously and not just an extension of their own thrill but as a way of truly serving me. I have done skype and had slaves perform for me as well in different video formats.. If I role play it’s always done for entertainment purposes only. Real life submission is always far more important to role play for me.

frenchy : I would love to ask more on this subject but time forces me to move on…so here is my next question … Can you single out the reasons that brought you the desire to dominate men? Is it for example because you think they are better to be led or is it because you have always preferred this kind of relationship?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I think it’s largely the way I was brought up and that I never had it in my head that as a woman I could enjoy that kind of relationship. Looking back there were clues that I enjoyed being dominant I just didn’t piece them all together for a while.. I think the desire was always there it just took time to see it to its full potential. So it wasn’t that I preferred this kind of relationship it was because I didn’t realize it existed. Since realizing this and experiencing it I would not accept anything less than a D/s relationship now as it is the most deeply satisfying one in all respects.

frenchy (nods in understanding) : What interests you the most in a submissive man? In other words, which are the qualities that you find the most attractive in a slave? On the other hand, what could turn you off in a prospective slave?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : Most important to me are intelligence and mindfulness with a deep driving desire to serve NOT just getting their fetish(es) fulfilled. I don’t want a puppet that sits like a vegetable and just responds to orders – I want someone who is fully engaged and absorbed. Is committed to growing, learning and pushing him or herself. So a strong person both in body and mind. I like a sense of humor and wit too its important to have fun in the process. Turn offs are one fetish wonders, those with an attitude, sense of entitlement and whiners. I want someone who is NO limits and genuinely strives for it, not the ones who say they are then when you really test them fail at the first hurdle.

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frenchy (smiles) I see that you have been partnered with your slave Bryn for 3 years already which is fantastic. would you be open to consider a new slave if the opportunity comes up or you don’t have time for that?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I am a passionate believer in the seriousness of the collar and that it seems to be treated so casually in-world anyway. It is a serious commitment and time should be taken to ensure it’s the right decision for both parties. So for me to take a new slave would be a BIG thing. I am not planning on getting a new slave or looking for one. However if someone exceptional did come along I would not rule it out.

frenchy : A related question and I apologize and please discard it if you find it too personal but I am particularly curious about the evolution of a D/s relationship on the long term like the one you have with Bryn compared to a classical vanilla relationship. Is there anything you have noticed worth mentioning on this subject?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : All I will say is that my 4 years with Bryn (this year) there is no comparison with any vanilla relationship I have had which have lasted longer time wise. I have never been closer to anyone – the trust and bond between us is nothing I have experienced in a vanilla relationship when you own someone its on another level. It is totally satisfying in every respect.

frenchy : (nods and smiles) Congratulation for the 4th year Goddess Jaminda!

Divine Goddess Jaminda :  (smiles) Thank you.

frenchy : I totally understand indeed. In your opinion is a D/s relationship incompatible or not with Romance and in what degree?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: No I don’t think its completely incompatible however it really does depend on the individuals concerned. I think for most its pretty irrelevant or maybe with one person in particular they are romantic with who is their slave/partner. On a personal level I am not a great fan or romance which does not mean I am not loving. I think the two can be quite separate.

frenchy : Do you think men are more submissive in nature but that our society make them think they have to be dominant or do you believe otherwise?

Divine Goddess Jaminda : I think it’s a combination of society, our personalities and our upbringing that is the case for both genders which contributes to who we are and that would include submissive or dominant traits. Men I think are more pressured to be dominant than women, there is still an expectation that they should be the ones to take initiative. In some parts of the world men would be ostracized for being openly submissive so the expectation for them to be dominant is certainly still there in certain cultures. However on a more positive note I do feel that over time this is being challenged and changed I certainly have seen this in my lifetime. I don’t believe anyone is BORN submissive or dominant this is way too complex and has many factors which can influence it.

frenchy : Have you ever submitted to a man? Would you ever consider it with the right person or is it out of the question?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I engage with playful banter with men and I would never restrict myself totally, however the likelihood of me submitting to a man on any remotely serious level would be extremely unlikely

frenchy (smiles) : Do you sometimes consider female slaves? If so, how different are your expectations and training with them ?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I have had female slaves in the past and I would certainly consider another one. I am bisexual and enjoy women very much. However there is no difference in the expectations or training of either gender as a slave.

frenchy : What is your best/worse memory about a D/s relationship that you had?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: my best memory is when Bryn was training to be my slave. I had such a thrill see him transform and become who he now is. To see how much he absorbed and embraced our lifestyle. from being a complete beginner to a full slave was an absolute joy. My worst experience was trusting someone even when my instincts were telling me not to to find out they were a complete fraud. A lesson I have not repeated. This person claimed to be a slave but was actually something quiet different. But painful experiences are good ones, you learn from them.

frenchy : Sometimes people say that a slave in a D/s relationship holds some control too. What is your opinion about that?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I think a slave will always have an element of control particularly in second life where one can log off if things get too uncomfortable, run away from their collar, choose which sim they go to etc. For the true slave however TPE should mean what it says and any control given in their existence would be what their Owner chooses to give them. My only exception would be where control for the slave is essential is when the decision is being made to be collared. The slave must take full part in this process and consent for it to have any chance of working long term.

A successful D/s relationship has to have honesty, openness and trust. One quality is also patience which is not often mentioned as not everything that is desired will happen and its important to acknowledge that. Regular reviews to ensure that the dynamic is working between the two parties is imperative in order that complacency does not settle in or start to fester. I think one of the main killers of a long term D/s dynamic is complacency and becoming too comfortable. There always has to have an edge to it.

frenchy : What could you tell us about your BDSM sim the Abyss? How conceptually different it is from other BDSM sims and in particular from DS? and finally what was your motivations in creating it?

Divine Goddess Jaminda: I created the Abyss as I wanted a public Femdom dungeon although I do not suffer fools gladly I do enjoy meeting people who embrace our lifestyle and this seemed to combine my interest of having a Femdom public space and a gathering area. I have a private dungeon at home but didn’t want to open it up to anyone. Bryn is my slave and I wanted an area just for us so I can focus on our dynamic and relationship. The Abyss is a “drop in” type dungeon. It’s an area where Dominas can take their slaves (male or female) and enjoy the facilities that are there. It’s also open to events and Femdom gatherings as well. On a personal level I take specific slaves there who engage my interest for a variety of activities. I don’t think the Abyss is unique and it certainly is not like DS.

The rules are very simple at the Abyss provided all activities are Femdom, the rest is between the individuals concerned (I don’t get involved unless there are issues, neither do I take a personal interest in most who visit). Those who drop into the Abyss can be anything from those curious about Femdom to long term slaves. The only slight difference is I insist on MALE nudity and enforce it like a zealot. Many have said to me in their exploration of other Femdom sims (this does NOT include DS) that nudity is restricted to certain small area, not welcomed and actually frowned on which I find ridiculous! A male specimen should always be naked on his knees! The whole plan was to keep the Abyss simple in its running and in its ethos. I had noticed also in my travels that a lot of Femdom areas had different rules for different areas making the whole thing so complex you would need to read an essay before you entered the place. I avoided that at the Abyss everyone knows where they stand and they can just enjoy it.

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frenchy :  Do you like to use other Divine’s property at Divine Sadism or do you prefer to be served by those who are not owned to check them out?

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  Yes I do not have an issue at all with using chattel, I have taken part in group work as well with other Dominas and their property and it has been wonderful. On a one to one basis it can be more restricting sometimes as owners may have put certain controls on their property but you do not have any commitment – use, abuse them and send them back home. However I treat chattel as I would any slave they have to perk my interest before I will entertain any use of them at all . A collar does not make one special or different in any way. They have to go through the same process as anyone else.

frenchy : What do you think about limits in BDSM? Are they necessary, useful or shouldn’t they exist in a meaningful D/s relationship between consenting adults who trust each other?

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  First thing to say about limits are they are barriers to progression. Therefore there only use is in highlighting obstacles that need to be removed. When I hear a slave has limits my question to them after saying to them – you call yourself a slave and have limits? Is – why is that a limit?. Is it merely about safety and practicality or is there another reason which is actually a hindrance to them reaching their full potential and becoming more of service?

Limits are predominantly about personal taste and often demonstrate a bad attitude i.e. I don’t want to drink piss because the idea disgusts me (yes I have heard that from someone!). A slave will struggle in areas of Femdom that is inevitable and accepted but what the focus should be is towards overcoming that barrier than even thinking of setting a limit.

Trust and limits are very much intertwined though. In areas of general SUBMISSION now I have heard countless time from boys that they would not have a limit for a Mistress that they know and trust that they would have for someone else. However a slave should never have that attitude and if he does it needs sorting out!

In my experience in long term D/s relationships limits are irrelevant they just disappear due to the trust and history the two share.

frenchy : Now talking about serious slaves, by this I mean those worth of the attention of the Divine…..In your opinion, what are their main motivations for going to the Abyss and/or to Divine Sadism? Do you meet the same kind of slaves in both places? Then I will ask the same question regarding Dominas.

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  I have met slaves at my sim which I later find at Divine Sadism or vice versa. I think in second life where the slaves traveling around from sim to sim it is because they are restless. A true slave is driven to serve and when he is not doing so feels lost and goes looking for what is missing. At Divine Sadism slaves have said to me they had had found their home which I think illustrates the point – the more focused and united the community/sim is the better. Dominas I think come to DS as they know what they will get. A female supremacist community. No limit use of slaves who have been well trained or in the process of this and an opportunity to work in a community where there is a real supportive and creative atmosphere between Sisters. My sim has a different ethos it is very specific though and that’s what draws people to it.

frenchy :  Your sim has been around for about two years if I am not mistaken, how do you explain its success? has there been any conflict that you had to deal with?

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  Yes the Abyss was 2 in January this year. Although we have moved sims in this time what has not changed is I have kept things simple and not changed its ethos. A lot of sims come and go because they have too high expectations of what it can achieve in a short time. It takes a long time to get established. Many then start making too many compromising changes to attract people and frustration sets in when it doesn’t work out. Coupled with the fact that land is expensive in SL can be the breaking point. I kept the Abyss affordable and always said it didn’t matter if I had 1 visitor or 67,000 what is important is that it is a public area for myself and my Sisters to express their Dominant nature and slaves to be of service.

I have not had any major conflicts. Any issues have been minor and been resolved quickly. Most who visit the Abyss (on both sides of the collar) value it and have told me so they enjoy the atmosphere and the simplicity of it. One of the most pleasing feedback was one slave told me he had met his owner at the Abyss which has turned out to be a very successful collaring. If my sim has assisted in the process of one successful collaring then its done its job.

frenchy : To finish, my ritual question is …What is your philosophy of life? If you had to state a simple principle that you follow to conduct your life, what would it be?

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  Never compromise on who you are and embrace your differences. It’s what makes the world go around!

frenchy : Thank you very much for these very detailed answers. I am certain the everyone will learn from them. Goodbye Goddess Jaminda.

Divine Goddess Jaminda:  (smiles) it has been very enjoyable. Goodbye frenchy.

About a year ago, I got myself lucky not only to cross the path of Mistress Natalia at the Hellfire club, but also that She found some interest in training me. Anyone who knows Her would not be surprised that I got an instant crush, that left me breathless and immediately eager to follow Her lead. Yet, I had not a clue which path I was going to take albeit I anticipated it would be intense.

Of course, I already had some experience as a submissive and at that time I had somehow overcome the struggle and denial period that many men experience when they discover their desires – I should say “needs”- to submit to a Dominatrix. I was also wise enough not to have any expectations and even if I was worried to fail, I was not scared to throw myself into Her hands to do the best I could to reach the high level of service She requires. Indeed, even if I ignored how much struggle there was ahead, I could recognize here an amazing opportunity and I took this chance very seriously.

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at the Hellfire club with Mistress Natalia

At that time, I was really just hanging around places to indulge my cravings to be disciplined in the service of a Dominatrix. I have to admit that most of the time, I was really playing this as a fantasy and I was not looking for any relationship probably because the previous one had been really disappointing and led me to get out of it. Maybe for that reason, I was very much centered on my senses when interacting with a Mistress and that was making me do silly RP emotes – as I was reminded by Miss Rosa – when I had  a conversation with Her, a few weeks before meeting Mistress Natalia, and during which I was ridiculously biting my lips every other minute.

Still, as I said, my experience was not nonexistent, and I had learned how my enthusiasm to please and serve was above every other need. I knew also that my fetishes were all conditioned by this fundamental desire: I was not concerned to satisfy any specific fetish except the one to please a Dominant I would feel connected with. I was even ready to make some sacrifices if they were within certain limits which, I thought were necessary and healthy in any D/s relationship.

The emotional shock of meeting Mistress Natalia changed everything in a matter of a couple of hours. In the next days, weeks and months, my desire to please and obey took another dimension with Her. It made me powerless before anything She challenged me with, even when, what I called my limits, were at stake. Little by little, I learned what it means to really serve and I saw myself swallowing my pride in order to comply with anything beyond my limits as I was emotionally tormented just for Her amusement. It was also a lesson of how to serve properly as I was really punished when I deserved it, but also genuinely rewarded and encouraged when I was improving. Most of the time, I made substantial progresses by going through the struggles that I overcame by digging deep into my growing passion for Mistress Natalia just to get the resources and the strength to endure the most challenging moments.

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Mistress Natalia and Her bitch

Of course, this would have been impossible without the wonderful connection that we share and Her amazing talent  for  communication in order to create a trusting atmosphere between us. When I look back, I now recognize where She set some of the building bricks of the solid mutual trust that we share now. Undoubtedly, it made me evolve as a submissive or a slave when I understood that this very trust allows me to remove the limits I previously had. It’s not something that was acquired in a few days or without difficulties, but the reward of this relationship is worth a thousand times the price of the struggles, which were inevitable and are now here to witness my growth.

In the last 12 months, I have therefore thrived on giving in unconditionally to my desire to please, to submit and to follow Mistress Natalia’s lead in this relationship. She knows my desire to submit fully and She trusts me to obey on anything as I do not put any limits in my submission to Her. My trust in Her is what makes me strong about it, and I know when it is a good time to speak about my concerns if I have some, or if I need to ask Her help in case I am unsure about something. I quickly learned than trying is never an option as it just shows an inherent acceptation of the possibility to fail when failure is unacceptable, and working the hardest is the only way to go and to grow as a slave. I have also grasped how to read Her mood or desires, and to do always my best to anticipate Her whims. Each time I see Her, I feel at the same time excited and anxious to be at my best to serve Her like I was the first times we met.

Of course, this constant preoccupation and desire that Mistress Natalia is pleased and happy, makes me Her totally subservient bitch, something I assume peacefully as I am entirely convinced that this dynamic is not only what I need, but also what is best for Mistress Natalia and for me in our relationship, even if at some other times, we have non BDSM interactions.  Indeed,  although I have been struggling in the past about my submissive side and my needs, being half the time in denial and not understanding it, I have come, under Mistress Natalia’s leadership, to embrace it completely like never before. In fact, I believe that I have now succeeded – thanks to Her – to get rid of the male entitlement that was probably the main obstacle to genuinely accept the obvious of my position as a bottom in such a relationship while staying totally confident about myself. This fact combined with our mutual trust,  allows me to follow Her training in depth and be totally putty in Her hands without holding back. Moreover I feel that being under Her is where I always needed to be as being successful in serving Her fills me and makes me complete as my desires stay intact and keep me eager to always do anything for Her happiness. One can see this as being totally captive with the need to do always more and always better. In that sense, I am objectively completely owned by Her and nothing makes me happier.

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a special moment with Mistress Natalia

We interact through SL, but our relationship is very real. It involves emotions and a genuine devotion on my side as Mistress Natalia assumes the full responsibility of Her leadership. Recently, She gave me the honor and privilege to be Her partner. It made me absolutely elated as I see it as a recognition that I make Her happy and that She desires I keep doing so. It is an amazing motivation and encouragement to do even more for Her and I will keep working hard to be at the highest level of her expectations.

written by frenchy on March 1st, 2017.

 

 

Comfortable.

Posted: July 3, 2016 by nataliakessel in Articles, Feel the Hellfire, Isn't It Divine?, Uncategorized
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On my last trip to Los Angeles, I was so delighted to share the same time zone with my absolute bestie Rosa Hunter, that we coined a new phrase #westcoastbitchiness. True enough to form, our 3 favorite pets managed to all majorly fuck-up on the same day for different offenses.

Without getting into the semantics of what they did, I decided to examine to the root of the problem which was that they to varying degrees had gotten comfortable in the coveted positions as our slaves.

Completely unacceptable. In a thought provoking punishment they were to all email me in 300 words or less, why it is unacceptable for a slave to become comfortable or complacent. In addition they were to write #westcoastbitchiness on a part of their body that they could easily conceal to remind them what happens when Rosa & I are on the same coast.

frenchy:

Why is it bad for a slave to be comfortable? The answer seems simple but it struck you even more when you experience the consequences which make you learn this lesson the hard way…

Almost by definition, when you are comfortable, you don’t see the dangers that could put you in a critical situation. For a regular person who is in a safe environment, that is totally fine. In this case, being comfortable is actually a good thing. However if you are in a hostile environment, then the situation is completely different. Any danger that sneaks in can be fatal to you.

By nature, a slave is bound by many constraints, needs to serve anytime, must keep the irreproachable behavior that his owner taught him and has to be ready to answer any demands of his superiors. This is not really a safe environment, is it? When he gets too comfortable, he could either forget to serve, ignore an order from a superior, lose his focus or just forget to behave according to his training and return to his bad habits. Needless to say that if this slave is closely watched by his owner, the consequences for him could range, according to the level of the blunder he made, from a simple timeout to a severe punishment that will make him then extremely uncomfortable.

For those who are familiar with the game of chess, I’d like to finish by a little analogy. When a chess player is overconfident of his position, he will overlook the hidden threats of his opponent and he will most likely do a blunder that will ruin his game and make him probably the loser. Now think of a slave as a chess player against a computer and you will understand why he should never be comfortable.

bitchy:

Why a slave should never get comfortable.

Mistress Natalia there are core reasons why a scum should never get comfortable. A scum has no place doing that is it should always be on it’s toes to serve and please the will of it’s owner.

Getting comfortable only leads to mistakes and complacency. Assuming and taking things for granted which is one of the worst things they can do. Senses always need to be heightened to anticipate and learn, which is critical for a slave. They should always look to make sure every detail is taken care of…comfortable…sounds like watching tv on the couch waiting for it’s owner to get home. That is quite the visual.

It all truthfulness comfortable has no place in this type of relationship, a comfortable slave is a lazy slave…it has forgone all it has been honored with and begins to expect things. That is the best and surest way to displease an owner. Bitch did not state anything about the consequences for the slave….those are not, or should not be the priorities. It should always be on it’s owner and it is impossible to do that correctly if comfortable.

#westcoastbitchiness

lancey:

300 words or less  in a NC on why being comfortable is so counter intuitive for a slave.

Comfort.. death of a devoted slave.   In the beginning, we strive for perfection. We are always on our best behavior.  It is the courtship phase, always trying to impress.  Looking our best, minding our language.  Paying attention to all the cues.  Anticipating wants and needs.  Always striving to be the perfect slave.  Hang on every word, every command.  As we progress, things become routine.  What starts out as contentedness and comfort-ability eventually and unknowingly transforms into complacency.  Complacency is like running on auto-pilot.  No thought or conscious effort is involved.  In time it give the appearance that we don’t care, whether true or not, it is the perception that counts.  It is a maintenance setting.  Little or no growth occurs.  The relationship stagnates and dies.  It is important to re-vitalize and stimulate things.  Change things up a little, work at it.  The care and feeding of a relationship goes far beyond just showing up.  Constant vigilance is required.  It is all to easy to be lulled into a false sense of security.  There are no short-cuts.  Constant effort is required.

The word “Complacent” is defined as pleased, especially with oneself or one’s merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied.  Smug is another word that comes to mind.  In order to combat and avoid complacency, one must be aware of the state we are in.  Are we overly pleased with our situation? Or are we always striving for more.  Do we feel we have advantages over others?  Are we happy with our situation? Or do we strive daily to improve?

Left un-checked, complacency can be terminal.  However, if we are vigilant and recognize the signs, we can avoid it all together and grow to new, never before imagined heights.

All of you know about the Divine Mistress Seforah. She has been around Divine Sadism for some time now and if you have had the opportunity to interact with her, her personality has likely not left you indifferent. She has been the creator of the scum auction at Divine Sadism that some of you may have attended. As the slave in charge for this project, I have had the privilege to work under her supervision and it has been very motivating.

A few days ago, she has generously accepted to respond to an interview request that Mistress Natalia demanded me to conduct for the blog of the Hellfire Club and Divine Sadism. After the interview, when doing some shooting for this post, Miss Seforah granted me the privilege to witness more about the other sides of her SL: some of the sims she goes to and the houses and gardens she constructs and where she demonstrates a creativity that is no less original than the one we have seen in her organization of the DS auction or than what you will read in the interview transcript below. Also, I am very grateful for her patience, her kindness and her help  when preparing this post.

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frenchy: Greetings Divine Mistress Seforah. Before anything, I would like to tell you  my deepest gratitude for accepting to answer to my interview request. I am sure that many of the DS members will be delighted to know more about you!

Divine Mistress Seforah: Hello little toad! (smiles)

frenchy: So here is my first question.  Are you comfortable to share some general (non private) information about your person in RL? Or do you do it only once you know a person for some time?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  It is a well known fact that the riot police and criminals are much more violent when they wear a mask. To enjoy as much as possible in a sadistic and dominant way, to feel free, I like to keep my RL as far as possible from SL.

frenchy: But then, how would you present yourself as a person to someone you meet for the first time?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  In SL? If that ‘someone’ is a person, I say “Hello, sister, nice to meet you. If you need my help, just tell me.” and I smile because I’m happy to see her.   On the other hand, if that ‘someone’ is nothing but a scum, a toad… then it’s a ‘something’, not someone and I just kick him as your ass knows this very well. (smiles)

frenchy (smiles and blushes slightly): What is your country of origin, Miss Seforah? Can you tell us  what is the culture that you belong to?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  What did I answer to your first question? Slap yourself! It will stimulate your brain. … Um…  Well done.  I’m European, from the European shore of the Mediterranean sea. That’s all you need to know about my origins. About my culture…. Mediterranean is the word… I think. We do not have dirty business, but  the family of the movie of Coppola “The Godfather.”  is the kind of old and traditional big family I belong to.

frenchy (smiles but slaps himself blushing) : What is your RL occupation? Does it allow you to express your dominant personality in your every day life?

Divine Mistress Seforah: I’m taxidermist, I embalm little wide mouthed toads like you, who ask too many questions.

frenchy: Do you need or like to be in control of every aspect of your life?  In other words, are you a control freak? (smiles)

Divine Mistress Seforah: Absolutely Not!

frenchy : Are you a very organized person who plans in advance or do you prefer to improvise?

Divine Mistress Seforah: I’m chaotic and organized at the same time, just like an hurricane.  I think there is a structure in the jungle of my mind, but most of the time, I can’t see it. I’m very intuitive.

frenchy : How does SL impact your RL and your RL influence your SL?

Divine Mistress Seforah: SL gives me the chance of satisfy some natural sadistic inclinations I can’t express in RL, and it makes me feel less frustrated. Frustration is the root of violence, so SL makes me feel more kind and more pacific in RL. Does RL influence in my SL? Yes. My RL avatar, made of blood and flesh, needs to sleep. : )

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frenchy :  What are your favorite book/movie/music that you like to share with the persons you are close to?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  Book: William Gibson’s novel Neuromancer.  (Read the Wikipedia, toad; I feel like Molly sometimes… and many others like Wintermute)
Movie: I can’t choose one and Music: All classics, from Vivaldi to Freddy Mercury; from Lady Gaga to Ravel.

frenchy:  and what is the last book/movie that you read/watch? Did you enjoy it?

Divine Mistress Seforah: : I’m reading a valuable volume of the six penny English books from 1915,  “A heart’s atonement” by Esther Miller. I like the style of the language of the novel: The sentences, the elegant words. Despite the structure and the theme of the story are poor, I find  the mind of the heroine interesting, an English lady from the times of the World War I. She is weak, submissive… not by Nature, but by Culture. The character is nothing but a cliche, an archetype… She is “How a lady must to be… in 1915” It is interesting to observe our evolution when  looking at her and looking at ourselves now.

frenchy (nods) Except BDSM, what do you like to do in SL, Miss Seforah?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  I like building a house and a garden in a sky-box, I add flowers and furniture and when everything is perfect and cute, I delete it.

frenchy : I have seen then, they are very original creations. You could save them and make a store to sell them… (smiles)

Divine Mistress Seforah: I build for me, looking for peace, just to play.

frenchy : What is your philosophy of life? If you had to state a simple principle that you follow to conduct your life, what would it be?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  Know yourself, accept yourself, Go Ahead … and if you can not take the third step, take it easy. (smiles)

frenchy (smiles): In a world mainly composed of macho societies, it might not be easy just to realize for a woman that she can be dominant. Could you tell us how you discovered that side of you and how it has changed your life?

Divine Mistress Seforah: I was very young. It was summer. I was in our old farm, under the shadow of the vine in the porch, at the door of our little white house. It was hot , the sun was crushing the soil. I was sitting in front of my grandfather, wearing  my new first bikini. It was a red bikini. It was the first time I had to hide my tiny breasts. I was feeling so adult and so womanly…

Then My grandfather looked at my thighs and moved his head, in a sight, and he looked  to my feet. I shrugged (my shoulders) and he smiled and watched again. When I looked under the chair I was sitting on, when I looked between my thighs, I discovered the most ugly, the biggest, the most terrible spider I had ever seen in my short life. I cried, and I jumped in the arms of my grandpa all in tears. He laughed, hugged me, and kissed my hair and told me “look”. He was smoking all the time… always…. he took his zippo lighter from his pocket, bent over my chair,  lighted it up and put the flame close to one leg of that ugly, dreadful, terrible monster. To my surprise, the leg of the spider burned like paper. The spider tried to run away to it’s web… but my grand father burned it, In a flame; and the monster was smoke. “Back to your chair. It’s yours, it does not belong to the spider” He said, and gave me his silvered lighter. “Keep it, BUT do not burn my house”

Then, I felt something … new. I would not say I was excited… but I lighted the zippo lighter and I blushed. My heart was running fast.

The next time I felt something like that was when a little old man touched my rear in a crowded bus. The first touch, I thought it was an accident, But the second one, I opened my eyes, just surprised… and when he put his hand on my thigh, I got scared for a second but then I slapped him so hard that my hand hurt.  He looked at me with his hand on his cheek, the bus stopped, the doors opened, I looked at him and he was scared! I saw fear in his eyes…. He rolled and ran away.  I blushed because everyone in the bus was looking at me. This time… I was 24 years old…. this time I got excited, not at that moment but later, at home, just because I had discovered the disgusting little toad was scared of me. I did nothing special after that, but It has been in my mind since then.The only reason why I can say this here, it’s because it is SL. I never told anybody in RL.

frenchy (nods understanding) : Thank you for sharing this very interesting and personal moment of your life Miss  Seforah. Now could you tell us how old you were when you first realized you wanted to be a Domme?  Was it long after that episode?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  Like I said, I realized it when I was 24… but I could not accept it until some months ago. Something happened in my RL and later in my SL that made me get angry, that made me feel hate with all my soul. I channeled all these feelings towards that men I could punish without feeling guilty and without hurting anyone. Later, the anger disappeared (most of it) and I discovered the pleasure of domination, a pleasure that I try to enjoy as much as possible (wide smile here).

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frenchy (smiles back) :  How would you present yourself as a Mistress to someone you meet for the first time or in other words, what is your style of domination?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  I don’t have a style and I don’t need one. I’m just a bad girl playing with my dolls (you, dirty toads). If I see or I imagine something fun, I do it to get pleasure.  There are some things I like more than others… humiliating,  kicking, making you punish yourself via RL interactions… But I would not say it’s a style. These are nothing but preferences. Except for punishment, (when I’m sure the toad hates it),  I don’t find interesting to make males have sex with each others because I feel they enjoy it much more than me. I can enjoy humiliating another woman if I feel she likes it…. but hitting her, even to make her feel pleasure…  Well, I don’t enjoy it.

I don’t have pleasure using others with a strap-on fixed on my hips, males or females. Because of that and because I never offer my rear, some pure lesbians said I am too straight to be a good lesbian. However I have the same interest in being qualified as a good lesbian, no more, no less, as being qualified as a good straight girl. That is to say NO INTEREST at all.

frenchy : Do you own slaves at this moment? If so, are you open to consider a new slave if the opportunity comes up?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  I want it all, and I give nothing. It’s not a good deal for most of the people, and it’s not a good deal for most of slaves. Some ones get excited under my power and obey me looking for pleasure; but they can’t be exited all the time,  and  I’m not here to please them, so, eventually they leave me. 🙂  Yes, I have no problem in accepting and saying that slaves, eventually, always leave me. I give them good reasons to run away!  I would do the same if I were one of them! (smiles)

I could think about their pleasure instead of mine… I could take care of their feelings…     I have forbidden them say they love me, when I could force them to say it and play with their heart and their feelings to keep them with me… But why should I do that? Once upon a time I loved and gave myself, but now I’m selfish. It’s a nonsense to make any effort to retain a slave that is useless to me because he is not slave enough to be happy serving and adoring me and feeding my selfishness.  There are lots of toads jumping around my sisters and me. If one leaves, two new ones come to my feet.

Will I be found some day by  the kind of slave that can be happy and stay with me, just for the pleasure of being treated like a despicable rat? (I’m not looking for slaves, they look for me) Who knows? It does not matter.

frenchy :  What seduces you the most in a submissive man? In other words, which are the qualities that you find the most attractive in a slave?

Divine Mistress Seforah: I want to be the sun of his Solar system and all his planets must turn around me in my gravity camp. He must surrender without a fight.

frenchy :  Do you like to include a RL component in your D/s relationship in SL? How far would that component go?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  YES.   How far? At the moment, I have commanded an animal to slap himself… I have commanded him to put cloth pins on different parts of his body, I have made him lick from a dish at the floor…  I have commanded him to brush his teeth, wash his hands, crawl, take a freezing shower… or eat a candy thinking about my lips.  I have commanded him to write my name on his skin, keep a feminine pad under his pillow, kiss it every night before going to sleep, wear it after a couple of days and finally cum on it.  Sometimes I ask some photos of this objects, but I have no pleasure in observing you while you touch yourself and I have a low interest in your body. I just want some evidences of your submission.  Will I go further? Why not?

frenchy: What do you think about limits in BDSM? Are they necessary, useful or shouldn’t they exist in a meaningful D/s relationship between consenting adults who trust each other?

Divine Mistress Seforah: Sex is communication.  At the biological level, sex is the first step of the reproduction process, and the sexual reproduction is nothing but communication, if we keep in mind that DNA is nothing but information; and sex is the way to communicate that information to the next generation.  In other words: I’m going to build a baby inside me and you have to give me your part of the plans of the building project.: Your 23 chromosomes in a little pack named spermatozoa. With the 23 of mine, packed in my ovule, it will amount the 46 chromosomes we all have inside each cell of our bodies.  Above the biological level is the psychological level of sex. At that level sex is much more than reproduction, but it still is communication. Communication of feelings when I look inside your eyes before you kiss me, for example…  The point is this: All form of Communication has this elements:  Emitter, Receptor, Message, Channel, Code, Context.

In verbal communication, Emitter talks, Receptor listens, Message is what you say, Channel is the air, Context is the place you are, and Code is the language, English for example. In sexual communication, Emitter grabs your hair and put her lips in yours, Receptor opens his mouth, Message is “You are mine, stupid”, Channel is the silky skin of my lips, wet, hot and touching your skin; Context is a dark room, you are tied at my feet; and the Code is BDSM.

In English, “chat” is a verb; it means “People talking”. BUT In French, “le chat” it’s a cat. In vanilla sex, a big slap in bed during sex is an offense, while in BDSM, between a mistress and her animal, slapping his face hard is a way of expressing domination and giving pleasure.

Limits? In BDSM, limits are like silences in verbal communication. Silences express more than words sometimes, and Limits (or lack of limits) express something too. The point is: What is it that you want to say with this limit?

The English language of teenagers is not like the English of Shakespeare. The same: Each person has her own BDSM, and you must be sure about what kind of BDSM language you use to express your dominant side; and you must to be sure that your partner understands you. In my personal BDSM, I set the limits of my animal. He WILL NOT set his limits to me. I will set my limits for him.  I’m sadistic and selfish…  What can I do?  (smiles)

frenchy : Sometimes people say that a slave in a D/s relationship holds some control too. What is your opinion about that?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  Not with me.

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frenchy: Do you impose chastity to your slaves?

Divine Mistress Seforah:  A Japanese woman has to be ready, and wet  when her husband arrives home because if he wants sex, he must not wait…. So, in revenge…I command to my “little whores” to be hard in my presence ready to be used by me if I want to. It’s difficult for them. They love it at first, but they suffer later. Fortunately for them,.. I don’t stay long with them…(smile)  I am also very interested in the “refractory period” of men. It’s a mystery to me how they can lose all their sex desires in one second… And the way their mind change once they cum… After the orgasm they are different… And I ask to myself who is the real one of both men, the  one before one or the one after?  I have observed it. The worst ones are the ones that become an animal after the orgasm: a freezing one. They don’t want to look at you, don’t want to talk…don’t want your cuddles…they are very far away. I HATE it…Sometimes I do the same to men as a revenge: “You cum, you are useless to me now, leave” (smiles).

frenchy (smiles) Can you be a sadist without being a Domme or vice versa?

Divine Mistress Seforah: Being sadistic without being a Domme? Feel pleasure making suffer someone who does not enjoy it?   Yes I can, the name of this practice is REVENGE. At the bottom of this behavior is revenge always, even if the sadist ignores it in a process of transference. To be a person, and not to become a monster, I choose not to do that.  But yes indeed that I could if I wanted to.  (smiles)

About being a Domme without being sadistic… I could try… some day…. when it snows in the hell…

frenchy (smiles): Thank you again for taking this interview Miss Seforah. It was a pleasure and a privilege to have the chance to know more about you and your world. Thank you also for your time and your patience during the shootings. Goodbye Miss Seforah.

Divine Mistress Seforah: You are welcome. I have enjoyed it. I like to be on the focus (smiles). Goodbye little toad!

 

 

a masochistic role (see BDSM) wherein the role player achieves sexual gratification from experiencing varying levels of pain, usually at the hand(s) of a Master/Mistress.
That guy was such a pain slut that he was begging Me to punch him after I stomped on his balls.
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One of my big turn ons, is a slave that enjoys suffering for me. I want all of you losers who sit on the deck and crane your necks when I  walk by hoping to get my attention, to make a note on that point.

 

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An unexpected surprise came two weeks ago from a new slave to Divine Sadism named krissy. I caught him bragging about what a “pain slut” he was, and how he could endure; insert eye roll. What a perfect opportunity to test him! I had him burn six holes in his inner thigh with a lit cigarette; you know, one hole for each of the Divine Queen Bitches who maintain order around the sim.

 

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Suffice to say, I was immensely impressed, as he immediately got my attention. Now that he has it, it remains to be seen what he does with it.

As days and weeks succeed one another, Mistress Natalia holds imperceptibly but surely a stronger grip on my mind and reinforces my chastity even more. The effect of the device She makes me wear more and more often  makes me each day more submissive as it intensifies Her control. It enhances my arousal and restricts it at the same time  making me lost in mixed feelings of excitement and frustration that undoubtedly lead me to a state of dependence and vulnerability that I never experienced before.

As the time goes by, it becomes clearer that I am not only accepting the restrictions but that I am loving them just because it is what Mistress Natalia wants. I see myself enjoying the frustration and the torment of the chastity more than I ever imagined as it symbolized so well my belonging to my Mistress. In this new installment of my chastity log, you will see how this brings me progressively to accept, without even questioning it, to consider a challenge She set up for me and that would have made me very doubtful I could even think of when  I started this journey with Mistress Natalia…

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4/27 Day 15

Nothing much happened yesterday except that Mistress Natalia ordered me to wear the chastity device to solve my urges to touch myself. Of course, this excited me more and made me frustrated at the same time. It’s a delicious feeling that makes me lose my ability to think straight as it makes me feel weak and even more needy. I felt like IMing Mistress Natalia every minute but I resisted the best I could to not disturb Her… Later, I went to DS, where Mistress Natalia was. She instructed me to get a latex cat suit and slave harness for a task I would have to do later for Miss Rosa and Her. On my subway ride home, I could not help but wonder what would be the new humiliation She had in stock for me and obviously I felt aroused again in the train. However most unfortunately, I could not come online very early and I missed Mistress Natalia. I hope She was not waiting for me….

4/28 Day 16

Today Mistress Natalia made me complete the horse outfit with hoofs and told me what I would be doing with it. Miss Rosa loved it and calls me the horseman now. It was funny. The tease of Mistress Natalia which aroused me in the morning made me feel like touching again. Also I decided to wear the device for the time I would be online in Her presence but Mistress Natalia decided I would wear it the whole day which I did. It was exciting and frustrating as usual but when I was not online I kind of succeeded to forget it. Of course, each time I was in presence of Mistress Natalia, I keep feeling the boundary of the cage and leak especially whenever she teases me. In the afternoon, we did a  shooting and I loved it as usual when I do this with Her even though I was not entirely satisfied with my photos.

I went to bed past midnight and slept very well for 2 hours but then I woke up and as usual now, I started to think about Mistress Natalia and about my training. It was not long before I get a throbbing and leaking erection that went on and off  for the rest of the night. These arousal make me feel crazy and like an animal again…The idea that I am becoming so docile and submissive even when I have to serve other Divines at DS to keep Mistress Natalia proud of my behavior kept my penis rock hard. I also thought about the chastity device. At first I was surprised that Mistress Natalia does not require me to wear it more often but when yesterday and before yesterday,  She said it was more something to protect me from myself, I reached the conclusion that She really wants to reinforce my chastity and that She might desire and be pleased that I anticipate her instructions to wear it on my own regularly. Obviously that thought hardened my penis that was twitching and leaking so hard that I had to sweep it not to stain the sheets many times during the night. I never had such throbbing erections so many times without touching….Now if I have such wandering thoughts during the day at a work meeting I realized that I could get a very embarrassing hard-on and it might be safer to wear that device and it is the first thing I did when I arrive in my office this morning.

4/30 Day 1

So my speculation was correct, Mistress Natalia expects me to anticipate Her desire to see me wearing the device on my own. So, I think she was happy that I did it yesterday and we had an amazingly erotic moment together.. After we shot some photos at the GC club,  She let me worship Her most intimate temples of pleasure. Since I was locked up at the same time, I was devilishly excited and frustrated to be unable to get a full erection  with the only possibility to twitch  hard and leak pitifully. Knowing my predicament turned Her on so much was exciting me even more leading me of course to a sweet and delicious torment. But how happy and proud, was I to see Her reach the pinnacle in the end, after what She generously allowed me to get out of the cage and have my turn an orgasm as well. She had very sweet words towards me after. I love those intimate moments which make me even more enslaved and deepen my attachment and trust in Her. It had been so long, I hadn’t an orgasm…16 days and I knew I was not ready to beg for it, having learned from the lesson she taught me about that. The 9 ejaculations a day I performed after I showed a bit too much my need to end the chastity cycle 17days ago was still in my mind and I wanted to avoid something similar…

Chastity, Tease and Denial is a very erotic combination and I cannot deny that the chastity imposed by Mistress Natalia excites me a lot even if it can be difficult to bear after a while. The same applies to wearing the device. The inaccessibility of something makes always that thing more attractive. Also when I am locked in company of Mistress Natalia, my sexual desires are enhanced and at the same time impossible to be granted by the amazing sensation of a full throbbing erection as the ones I have in bed thinking of Her. In spite of the high frustration it brings, the fact I love the sensation was however making it a bit difficult for me to anticipate Her desire that I wear the device  all day because  it could have been a selfish desire for more excitements… That’s is why sometimes anticipation can be tricky when we both desire the same thing…I am glad I brought that up to Her so that it is clarified. However, I now realize She probably wants me to wear the device whenever I am online or even whenever I can…. That Idea brought me again to a full throbbing erection this morning and I was dying to touch …

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5/1 Day 2

This morning I woke up as usual with thoughts of Mistress Natalia and the arousal that accompanies it as always now. The idea I was not allowed to touch made it even stronger…. So I went to the gym for an hour to exercise but still with the thought of Her in the back of my mind. After lunch I came online for a little while but  could not stay long to attend the events at DS since my wife wanted us to go get a massage at our local Chinese massage joint. It was very relaxing and I got the same masseur as the other day with the same effects, in fact it was even better. I came back online in the evening and saw Miss Rosa, bitch and lance. I was hoping to see Mistress Natalia….but instead Miss Kool arrived and I could not escape as early as I wanted….I can’t wait to see Mistress Natalia tomorrow.

5/2 Day 3

Yesterday morning, when I arrive at the office I wore the device immediately just before coming online. When I saw Mistress Natalia was already online, I knew it was safer to put the device before logging as I felt aroused immediately when She started talking to me.  She gave me some technical tasks on the blog that I was happy to help her with and She teased me a bit before going to work. When I saw Her in the afternoon, I showed Her what I wrote in my picks about wearing the device whenever I can for Her pleasure and She teased me so well like effortless that i felt extremely weak and horny. The frustration of the torment to be locked when teased was delicious and made  me feel very submissive and lose all pride. When telling Her how I was feeling, she teased me even more about making me get a plug. When I removed the device before going back home, it was all wet. I felt the need to touch and cum all evening and each time I was awake during the night as if last time I ejaculated was 2 weeks ago. This morning I got a hard-on thinking that the tease about the plug was probably a subliminal message for me to anticipate Mistress Natalia’s desire. But I think it is safer to wait for something more precise…

Last night Mistress Natalia debased in front of me one of her former slave. She was spectacular as She always is and I think everybody enjoyed the show except him I suppose. This morning She explained to me that this show was for me so that I do not feel threatened by him. I felt a strong emotion and it showed me once more how my feelings are deepening for  my Mistress.

5/3 Day 4

Most of yesterday I was still leashed at DS, unable to do nothing. Even serving other Dommes was out of the question since I could not leave my post. I could talk though but no Divine is really interested in chatting. I did chat with fellow slaves or/and  studied the Opencollar scripts to modify them for the DS collar project.  But it is difficult to concentrate on that and follow the  public chat. at the same time when a Divine is around.
Therefore, I felt pretty much restricted and the idea it was following the will of Mistress Natalia aroused me a couple of times reminding me the device I was wearing during the day and that my penis belongs to Mistress Natalia. It belongs to Her and I would not want this to be different. I crave Her control and I love to be Her property, Her animal and Her bitch.

Last night was fun, we eventually went to VT with Miss Rosa, Mistress Natalia and lance and bitchy who were wearing latex outfits similar to my horsey one. I went to bed quite late since just after Mistress Natalia left, Miss Rosa requested I serve Miss Alexis which demanded I clean her boots.

When I woke up this morning I got a strong urge to touch and felt  like I could ejaculate almost instantly if I did. In fact, just having my penis rub my thighs would  make me horny. Wearing the device enhances my arousal but restricts them at the same time and the fact I had only one orgasm 5 days ago make me feel extremely needy for ejaculation. It was difficult to resist but easy at the same time because I have no rights on my penis.  I just can’t without Mistress Natalia’s permission like if there is a lock in my brain circuits preventing me to do anything against Her will. Simply knowing that it would disappoint or displease Her just annihilates instantly any other desires I could have. So I am left with the torments of the cravings of my body which undermine my will and my reason, leaving me like an animal more submissive every day. I did not expect that wearing this device would weaken me so much as I get lost in mixed desires and sensations….

frenchy&Natalia@ArmoryBedroom_003

5/4 Day 1

After I sent my log Yesterday, Mistress Natalia ordered me to pull down my pants and to blow on my penis. I misunderstood and thought she was allowing me to release which I did. I felt awful realizing it was a mistake and it must have disappointed her. There was no doubt in my mind or I would have asked but from now on I have to make sure that when some slang like that is used my understanding is accurate, especially for this kind of directions. I probably took my desire to end my frustration for a reality although I was happy to stay chaste for my Mistress. Anyhow, I must of course account for my mistake and I will take the abuse that Mistress Natalia is going to give me courageously and consoled from the disappointment I produced by knowing She will take pleasure in disciplining me. When she displayed Her authority yesterday after my fuck-up, I got aroused as it was showing how clear I am Her total property under Her full control and how submissive I feel under Her. I am now awaiting anxiously what she will decide to do to hurt me, wondering if it will be emotional as it usually is or physical. The wait is already a torture. Still She was generous to give me the board project to think about as I am wondering what my fate will be. However I cannot really stop thinking of it even if I tried to forget it during my dinner party yesterday.. Despite of the good wine, my anxiety resumed after and I woke up earlier than I wanted this morning …

5/5 Day 2

Yesterday, I spent all day in the cage at DS. I stayed online quite a bit with the hope to see Mistress Natalia and to get my punishment so that I can account for my mistake. When I spoke to her, a few times, she was distant not wanting to give me any details about when or what would that be. I thought she was  busy preparing her trip and did not insist. She left without a word and came back later. She even came to DS a few times ignoring me completely. I don’t know if there is another punishment to come but this is one of the worse: being ignored by someone one loves and desires to please more than anything. I felt my heart pounding all day in a tight knot of anxiety so much that  I could barely concentrate on anything. I tried to work on the script for Miss Rosa’s board and I had advanced a bit but I was slower than I should. Even the usual distraction of DS with the greetings and the insulting orders did not make me feel any relief but the opposite.

Even if I could rationally think that what we have Mistress Natalia and I is already solid after 3+ months, when I hurt like this, I am confused with doubts and I become insecure : I wonder if the disappointment I caused Her is going to make Her change her feelings for me or if the path we have taken together so far  will continue the same way. That idea hurts more than anything and feeds the confusion and the pain in a vicious circle. I could not bear anymore to think of this and I went offline earlier than usual. When She dismissed me Her comment suggested my punishment was that treatment…It was not really a surprise but it did not make me feel any better.

However last night, as I came online mainly to discuss with lance, Mistress Natalia released me from the cage and ended the punishment. I came at Her feet, holding her ankles and we talked as we usually do. It was such a relief. I felt light again like all the weight pilling up on me all day had disappeared….As I told Her that night, this punishment was really wicked. If I knew from the beginning this treatment  of isolation and being ignored was the punishment, I would have endured it much more easily. Also, the happiness of this feeling after She called me to Her was so delightful. I can only be grateful for how She controls my emotions as this moment would not have been so sweet without the pain before….

 

5/6 Day 3

Today, I spent most of my time working on the script for the Scum rating board that Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa asked me to make. I was happy that they think of me for that. I finished to do it late and it seems to work pretty well although there are probably some bugs to be fixed after testing. I am glad to contribute to DS with this, as I see Miss Rosa and Mistress Natalia really love this adventure. But  I missed spending time with my Mistress today. We exchanged a few IMs but She was busy and then left without a word…

5/9 Day 6
I spent the week-end enjoying a relaxing  time with family and friends. I went out also in the park on Sunday as the weather was better. I did also go to the gym as I usually do on Sunday mornings. I came online and worked on improving my script. I corrected a few bugs even today. Now I think it is quite stable. I will add a few features later on to ease the use of it.  Now that the script is quasi-finished, I feel a bit aimless but I really enjoyed doing this for Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa. I felt honored of the trust they gave me in this project and I am happy that Miss Rosa is satisfied by the result of my work. I went a bit to DS to check on the scum rating board and I got tied up to serve other dommes. I find these pixel play with some of these unattractive dommes completely uninteresting. However, I have submit just because of the will of Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa but  I think I will keep avoiding DS when they aren’t around.

After 6 days, I haven’t been suffering much of the chastity so far. I keep wearing the device on week-days when I come online when at night and week-end I can relax from the constraint although I did not get much arousal lately.  Probably because I miss Mistress Natalia and therefore I am not really much excited. Last time we spent time together was that memorable afternoon ten days ago. It was so hot. She sent me the picture of it and it is such a sweet and sexy memory. I saw Her very quickly this morning and she allowed me to remove the horsey outfit. But she will be away for the rest of the week traveling…I hope it won’t be too tiring and stressful for Her and that  I will find an opportunity to make feel Her special soon.

5/10 Day 7

I went to bed early last night and I came online early this morning with the hope to see Mistress Natalia before she leaves for Denver but I suppose her flight was early. I discussed with lance who is a good fellow and I worked to add a few features to my script.
Of course, I am wearing the device to have my penis locked up for my Mistress. I am getting used to it. The only thing that is bothering me is that I have to pay attention it does not show. When I think of my state and submission for Mistress Natalia, my penis twitches and hits the boundary of the cage restricting it from growing more. It makes me feel more submissive and weaker than I have ever been before and reminds me of my strong desire to make Mistress Natalia the happiest. I hope I will see Her tonight.

nataliafrenchy4

5/11 Day 8

I just arrived in my office and put the chastity device on. I put the lock on it to symbolized I won’t remove it until this evening and I will do that everyday until May 20th upon the instructions of Mistress Natalia who wants to enforce more my chastity after I fucked up yesterday to follow a simple instruction. I feel absolutely submissive  locked and completely enslaved to Her will. My own will has completely vanished in Her presence or more precisely, my will has become Her will. All I want to do is what She decides. All I desire, is to see Her pleased and happy. I feel the ring of the chastity device like if it is Her grip on my cock and balls, reminding me She is always in control and that I am Her bitch to do what I am told.

In particular, She got very inspired yesterday and it was presented as a punishment for my lack of focus but I am certain She had that in mind anyway. She wants me to go all locked up with my chastity device in a strip club and order a lap dance to add to my humiliation. It’s going to be extremely embarrassing and my heart pounds at the idea of it. What  bewilders me is that  I can’t think of not doing it. The minute Mistress Natalia wants it makes me want or even crave to do it for Her, bringing extremely mixed feelings considering what it is.  My core rooted desire to please Her first, annihilates any objection that I could have raised in any other circumstances. It is going to cost me, I have never gone to such a place….I will have to gather my courage and I can’t even imagine how humiliated I will feel. However, the reward to see Her pleased, amused and happy is priceless and that will give me the strength I will need to overcome the anxiety to do this. For this reason, my sleep has been agitated and the feeling of Her grip again on my mind got me a throbbing erection when I woke up in the middle of the night.  It’s fortunate I don’t have to wear the device when I sleep….But knowing I could not touch, because of the enforced chastity Mistress Natalia demands got me extremely frustrated.  Now I need to think how I will do THIS and especially WHEN. My stomach tighten in anticipation and my heart races. I think I might need a few days to get accustomed to the idea….

After ten weeks under the training of Mistress Natalia, I see myself becoming more and more addicted, submissive and obsessed. Every day, the desire to please and serve Her is enhanced by the feeling of a growing emotional bond making me do things I had never done before. Giving up more control, enduring more abuse and at the same time becoming more vulnerable; but also working on growing a thicker skin to cope with the emotional stress. And then, discovering the blissfulness in the intimacy of an erotic moment acting as a miracle remedy against the torment of the emotional pain. It’s the roller coaster of emotions which I was evoking in the introduction of the part 1 of this log.

Mistress Natalia is always in control, making sure the relation does not become stale or monotone with a genial intuition of taking advantage of any random circumstance. She use them to amuse Herself but also to make me learn and adjust my training when it’s needed. It helps me to perfect my ways to please and serve Her and embrace my submission fully but maybe more importantly this keeps reminding me how lucky I am to be on this journey with Mistress Natalia.  Hopefully, you will keep an interest or amuse yourself in reading more about what actually happened in this 5th sequence of my chastity log.

MedicalShoot_010
4/12 Day 6

Yesterday was the second day with the chastity device. Mistress Natalia did a photo shoot and humiliated/teased me with her strap-on which kept me twitching and leaking pre-cum all that  time. This sensations of frustration and excitement all at once are intense, addicting like an edging  and is accentuating the frustrating effect of the chastity.
I kept the device from 11 am to 6 pm continuously and each time I was interacting with my Mistress the circle twitching-growing- hitting the boundaries of the cage-leaking went on. At lunch time, I went out with it and I could never forget it was there. When seeing other women, especially attractive ones, I could not help imagining what they would think if they knew. Since just that thought would make me twitch,  I  tried to focus on other things which was actually difficult because the contact of the device on my penis is a constant reminder of my submission to Mistress Natalia.  When I came back online, Mistress Natalia and Lady Pearle had organized a “play date”. It was actually quite fun. I do enjoy dominating other submissive(s) with the my Mistress’s encouragement, knowing She is amused by it. I hope we have more of these things. It’s very entertaining.

Yesterday night Mistress Natalia told me she has seen subliminal messages in this log about my urges for orgasms. It was a bit of a surprise because the orgasm is what we call “la petite mort” and as this French expression could suggest it is not actually the best part. More exciting are actually  the foreplay, the teases and  the physical act (before orgasm) that one would ideally keep as long as possible, which would be an edging if one doesn’t orgasm. I guess these messages of urges just occur as a result of my body’s frustration to cum after the tease, the dirty thoughts and the chastity which is imposed. So it’s my body speaking…not me. Anyhow, as a result, Mistress Natalia instructed me to masturbate 10 times today….I will record the result tomorrow in my log.

4/13 Day 1

The night before Yesterday, I woke up around 4 am. I was not horny but I was thinking about what I will have to do. Then I started willingly to think about things that should arouse me. From thinking one thing to another and without touching my penis, I felt the arousal growing so much and so fast that I started to throb and leak in no time.
It was an increasing dream or/and reality about my relationship with Mistress Natalia and the result  was almost breathtaking. It felt like my arousal could be controlled by pure thought which was of course an illusion. I now only remember a fragment of the things I thought.I wish I could have recorded it.

I slept longer and woke up a bit before 6 am. I could not wait longer to masturbate a first time. I did so in the bathroom to be alone. As my mind was fantasizing about my Mistress, the release was sweet and delicious and it felt like I ejaculated most of what I had been keeping in my testicles. I returned to bed and slept one more hour. When I woke up I was alone in the bed so I did it a second time slowly but without edging willing to save my energy for the next 8 times to come. I slept again one more hour and repeated the process almost mechanically two more times. I did not take much pleasure of it. Each time the amount of sperm was smaller obviously. My only motivation was to obey and please Mistress Natalia and I would get aroused by just thinking about pleasing her and being obedient. I arrived in my office around 10:30. I wrote my log and worked and then  went to lunch. I did the 5th time around 2pm. I did it fast mechanically with the same fantasying images in my mind but with a sad “petite mort” ending. The repetition starting to become depressing. I logged to get some distraction of the boredom and the solitude this little game entails.  I did not stay long as some colleagues knocked at my door to ask some technical questions. It was a good distraction one hour after which I did it a 6th time by looking at some porn pictures of Dominatrix on the web. I took my time and I could enjoy it a little bit more thanks to some sexy photos that I found. I did the 7th and 8th time similarly but with much less amusement and much more frustration of how boring it was becoming. I returned online after the tea break but did not feel like doing anything and just wrote my log knowing I had 2 more to go, knowing it will be boring and depressing to do this alone again mechanically. Eventually I accompanied Mistress Natalia to a shooting in an urban zone scene. As I was there, waiting pathetically that she does her shooting, I did it one more time drawing some excitement from the humiliation to be waiting in her presence. Surprisingly I still had cum to ejaculate. For the last and 10th times, I did it at home after isolated myself in the bathroom. I fantasized again about my submission for Mistress Natalia and got very aroused and  very hard however how hard I tried I could not cum. I tried one more time an hour later with the same result. My testicles must have been emptied after all…I felt lonely, depressed and pathetic pretty much as I felt the whole day.

 

4/14 Day 2

Yesterday, Mistress Natalia allowed me to not redo the 10 forced ejaculations which was a relief since I was really dried out from the day before. Instead, I was officially invited to join the editors of the blog of Mistress Natalia. I was happy for the trust She demonstrated in me and to be able to participate more in this adventure. She has given me the task to publish posts about this log. This is forcing me to reread what I wrote 2 months ago and see how I was compared to how I am now. In that sense it is quite interesting. On the other hand, it exposes myself to a larger public on things that were only intended to be read by Mistress Natalia. It is not that I am shy but it is a bit intimate. On the other hand cutting off certain parts would probably not represent well how I live my submission. I am still pondering how to proceed…

Regarding my chastity and arousal, the same pattern has continued the last 2 nights: In the middle of my sleep, I wake up thinking of my Mistress and without touching  I feel instantaneously my penis grow hard, throb and leak for Her, making it difficult for me to return to sleep.

4/15 Day 3

Yesterday, I spent a wonderful time with Mistress Natalia who spoiled me at my place where we shot photos. Mistress Natalia loves to do shootings and she has an amazing  talent to edit Her photos. Spending time with her feels my heart and there is nothing like being able to please and making Her happy whatever it takes to do so. In these moments, more than others, the bond we have is strengthening in  trust and openness. It intensified my love, my addiction to Her and this feeling of being Hers. We also tried to shop for Her at Collabor88 but the lag was awful. I hope we have another opportunity to spoil Her as She deserves. Last night again, I woke up with a strong arousal for my Mistress and I stroke thinking of Her but chose not to ejaculate…

 

4/16 Day 4

Yesterday night Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa had fun in teasing me to end up leaving me alone. I wasn’t really worried that it would last very long and I was waiting when Miss Rosa sent me a teasing IM that I interpreted as a desire to see how miserable I was feeling to be up there. So, I replied in that sense and I sent a similar comment to Mistress Natalia afterwards. Eventually Miss Rosa teleported me and I was privileged to witness and slightly participate to a very erotic moment between Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa. After which, Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa told me how they were unhappy about whiny the IM I had sent to Mistress Natalia was. I felt miserable and the emotional abuse that followed made my heart shrink and stomach tighten so much to realize how I had deceived my Mistress.

I knew it was going to come and for one reason or another I did not see it coming.
Was it because I was a bit drunk or because I felt overconfident and “entitled” with a special status as they suggested? I don’t think so. I don’t feel entitled or better than others. Especially because how new and inexperienced, I am in this sadist and supremacist
female world I try to survive in, motivated by my desire to please my Mistress.

By now, I know that it doesn’t matter how good I (try to) behave  if these  two amazing
machiavellian Dominatrix (I am so privileged to spend time with) want to fuck me emotionally,  I have no way to escape it.

There is no better way to feel fucked in this manner when you intentionally do something
to please and that the result ends up to be interpreted (intentionally or not) as a bad behavior. I will never know for sure if this was intentional or not but it does not really matter. It hurts anyway. It makes me feel guilty and stupid to have been off guard. However I can be confident  about my deep intentions, my honesty and my ability to please, it makes me feel miserable. Well accepting my fate is also part of the pleasure they have about it. That was their goal anyway and it is reached.

Most of all, I am miserable because I love and want to please my Mistress and I can never
know for sure of the proportion of pleasure and deception she has about me. Rationally,
I believe I stand well,  but these emotional abuses perturb things in the most perverse way. Still I will take it and submit because I love my Mistress and if that is how she wants to train me I will accept it without complaining. I desire to show her that even if I make mistakes, my intentions are always honorable and I will therefore gratefully accept the punishment  to learn to serve Her better even if that means suffering more.

MedicalShoot_007

 

4/17 Day 5

Today was a beautiful day in New York. I went to the gym this morning and I went out for lunch and spent most of the afternoon in Central Park. I tried to go around and do things normally but I could not stop thinking about Mistress Natalia and how guilty I felt to have displeased Her on Friday night. I cannot stop thinking about it and how I should adjust myself so that this mistake never happens again. I can measure in these moments how much I need to make Her always happy and how I am dependent of doing so  in order to feel calm and happy myself. Yesterday, I felt up side down as my previous entry could show. I did not know what to think, how to process what happened. My emotions mixed with my rational thinking and I felt a bit lost at times. I am working on Miss Rosa assignment and it takes me some time to think about all this before I can write anything down but it helps me to process what happened.

I can’t wait to talk to Mistress Natalia in order to do a reconciliation and show Her that making Her happy is and will always be what motivates me.

 

4/18 Day 6

Yesterday, I was so happy to see Mistress Natalia, to speak with her about what  happened and  had the pleasure to shoot photos for my next chastity log post. It is always a pleasure to do these shooting with Her and I think I have dome some nice ones. I will work on editing them with gimp this week. I felt relieved to have had this reconciliation  moment with her. She gave me my punishment  that I will carry for one week and endure it for Her as I must.

So for my punishment I was left in an unknown Sim with the instruction to return to DS by foot and with very strict RLV restrictions.  More precisely the restrictions are no TP, no IM, no ability to fly,  no Inventory, no names visible. I discovered quickly what the parcel was.  However, I was on a full Sim region without any adjacent region making it impossible to leave it by foot. I visited all the parcels but none were very interesting and I found myself stuck there and bored to death. I started then to wonder if I was not supposed to find my way back to DS in a metaphoric sort of way, something I would have to figure out with Mistress Natalia the next day.

However, this predicament also gave me time to think again about my mistake and my condition. I felt happy and grateful to my Mistress for this punishment that I receive as a teaching to serve Her better. That isolation gave me that peace that allows you to think with some detachment but also with the comfort to know that there will be an end to it. It makes me feel more submissive and more enslaved to Her and therefore more where I belong and desire to be as Her full property.

4/19 Day 7

Yesterday morning I explained to Mistress Natalia what my predicament was in the sim and She instructed me to keep trying to find my way out. After my return from the PhD committee I was in and drank some Champagne in honor of the successful candidate I came back online to  keep exploring the  sim and try to find some trick to leave that region but after considering all the possibilities, I just put myself on the beach in a sort of meditation. It was just a short while before Mistress Natalia came to visit me and check that the region was indeed a real prison. After what, She generously parked me somewhere else and I figured quickly I was in the same region as DS but just  on the other end of the sim. So even without orientation tools, it was still easy to find my way back to DS and I rejoined the discussion group where Mistress Natalia, Miss Rosa and other Divines were in company of a couple of scums. It was a bit frustrating to follow well the conversation or to respond since I could not see names, however I immediately noticed when Mistress Natalia or Miss Rosa were talking as they both have a very special way to communicate. It was an interesting and comforting observation which made me feel like at home since I could recognize the voice of my Mistress even though I was kind of blindfolded. Before she left for the night, She generously told me my punishment was over and that we can go back to business (of course I am keeping the restriction until Monday). I woke up early today since I have some work to do in the morning and I wanted to have time to see Her before she leaves for DC.

4/20 Day 8

No much to say about today since it was a very busy day at work and I came online tonight  just to write in my log that I woke up thinking about Mistress Natalia which produced a throbbing erection that became harder at the thought of her desire to have me stay chaste as She mentioned yesterday morning.

4/23 Day 11

Friday was another busy day at work. I finished it with a dinner with my wife and my host in a good Spanish restaurant in my neighborhood. However during the night and this morning, I woke up thinking of Mistress Natalia and I felt aroused and throbbing, leaking as it happens very often now. Seeing myself becoming more and more dependent of Her, being Her property, unable to even consider to disobey Her commands but only craving them and discovering an incipient desire to become more vulnerable by giving Her more RL information.

I entered in the shower with this throbbing erection. As I felt my testicles aching not to be allowed to have an orgasm, I decided to shave my penis and scrotum instead since Mistress Natalia might require me to wear the device next week….

This morning, when my wife was out shopping, since the weather was so nice, I took some air in Central Park with my headset listening to some good tune. As I was walking,  I thought about the theme of entitlement that is dear to Miss Rosa since I saw she were organizing a discussion about that theme. And, I was wondering if I was entitled, I could not think I was but I realized that the idea of not being entitled to any rights but instead needing the permission of Mistress Natalia for anything was extremely erotic to me and as I kept walking, I felt a strong arousal like I have during those nights. I am sure it was visible to any good observer since my throbbing and leaking penis was extremely hard…..it stayed there for a while as I was trying to think of something else before returning home….Mistress Natalia is always in my thoughts, She is taking possession of my every breath…. It’s not only my penis and body that She owns and controls, but also my heart and my mind that she is imperceptibly rewiring….

4/25 Day 13

Sunday was a lovely day. I went to the gym and then spent again most of the afternoon out. Of course, I was visited by the thought of Mistress Natalia several times. In particular, when after exercising I went in the steam room, I was alone and I could not help but to think of Her which brought me an uncontrollable erection. It was extremely difficult to hide since I had only a towel around my waist but I was lucky enough to be able to succeed to think of something else to get it down. I think also that after 13 days of chastity I am getting horny quite easily now and leaking all the time when I am near my Mistress.

Monday, I got my RLV restrictions released and this is most comfortable to be able see names, IM and travel freely. Mistress Natalia wanted me to prepare a shooting  for my logs but I was not quick enough to do this. I must prepare better myself to these shooting whenever I have some free time so that I can be ready whenever she wants to do them. It makes me feel bad, guilty and aching to see I am disappointing her. I must work better, faster in anticipating Her desires…. I feel totally powerless, incredibly submissive and enslaved to her…as my feelings for Her don’t stop getting stronger….

I came online during  the evening to make some research for the shootings and to send my log  to Mistress Natalia but instead I have had a conversation with Miss Rosa that was very helpful. She has been very encouraging and said she is proud of me for my progresses.  She thinks I am not yet able to be a mentor for my lack of experience as a slave but that I am growing and deepening well.

After I went to bed I thought calmly to the set-up I wanted to do for the shooting following the advice of Mistress Natalia and came up clearly with what I desired to do before I fell asleep. I will tell Her when I see Her next.

4/26 Day 14

When I arrived online yesterday, I had instructions from Mistress Natalia to prepare an interview with Lady Pearle. I was excited about it and started to prepare questions that one does not have often the opportunity to ask a Mistress. When I rode the subway, thinking of Mistress Natalia and Her way to give me instructions aroused me with an erection difficult to hide. Later I realized that there was a confusion  about the instructions that left me a bit disappointed since I did not have to prepare this interview after all. Still I was happy that Mistress Natalia trusted my ability and wanted me to do this task.

Later, we shared a very nice moment shooting photos that will be used for the next blog post. I love every minute spent in Her company. On my way back home, during the subway ride, I got an erection  again  and so did I several time yesterday evening at the thought of Mistress Natalia and Her effect on my submission and training. Overall the last few days, I feel becoming steadily more and more submissive to Her in a totally natural way. When I think about how my relationship evolves and my feelings deepen, I keep having strong and throbbing erections wherever  I am or whatever I am doing….is it because I am having been chaste for two weeks now or is it because I feel more and more at ease in my submissive state? Probably a little of both….

In my experience, certain difficult moments in D/s can demonstrate dramatically how Communication and Trust are fundamental and even more critical than in any other kind of relationship. Communication helps to build the trust, and in return the trust allows us to deepen the communication. Only when they both reach a new level, it is possible to adventure ourselves with more demands and sacrifices. At the end of my last post, you could have witnessed that some doubts had started to raise in my mind, and you will see here how I continued to struggle with my emotions for about a week while I appeared lost, and in need of reassurance from Mistress Natalia. I was clearly worried about the direction we were taking, and I realized later that my stress might have also sent the wrong signals. Some talking was necessary, I will be always grateful to Mistress Natalia to have seen it, and created the circumstances so that it happens.You will see that it led me to go even deeper into submission and that it reinforced our bond.

GenesisCove_006

3/24 Day 1

Yesterday was a day with some relief as Mistress Natalia and I talked a bit casually but I wish I could have more time to stay online to talk more about certain things… Today was busy but I missed my Mistress.I hope to have some time to see her tomorrow afternoon since I won’t have much opportunities to come online this week-end. It is Day 1 today since yesterday night, I had intercourse with my wife. I still have 23 more days without touching  myself though.

3/25 Day 2

Nothing much to say today so far. I logged after lunch. Mistress Natalia was online but seemed busy not wanting to see me. I played chess in world and I visited some friends. I talked also with chigley who told me about what happened to him. I also had a small conversation with Miss Rosa.

3/26 Day 3

I spent a lazy day reading and napping, enjoying family time. I also thought of Mistress Natalia, on how things seem to have taken a different turn since She came back from Germany and that I need to speak with Her. I hope we can find a moment for that next time I see Her online.

3/27 Day 4

I miss Mistress Natalia. She left without a words after a few minutes today. I sent her a gift I hope she received it.

3/28 Day 5

I miss Mistress Natalia. These emotions are deep and it hurts continuously since almost a week. I want to trust Mistress Natalia and I have opened myself to this vulnerability state. I can endure that for some time but I am wondering if I am on the right  track…

3/29 Day 6

I am starting to feel more accurately again the physical need to touch my genitals in bed or in the morning shower and to release myself from the seeds I am accumulating in my testicles. I am realizing also that unconsciously I feel that I must be in presence of my Mistress to get some release of this physical need even if this is to endure some abuse although of course the treats Mistress Natalia gives me from time to time are my favorites. The physical need is then mixed with the emotional thirst to be with my Mistress and/or  to feel her presence in my restraints or from the RL tasks she gives me sometimes….I need that constant feeling to be owned by Mistress Natalia, my Mistress. I need her praise, I desperately need to know I make Her happy…

3/30 Day 7

I enjoyed so much the time I spent with Mistress Natalia yesterday.  Being able to have these moments with my Mistress is important for me and I am immensely grateful to Her for making them happen. It balances the D/s dynamic and it allows to know each other on different levels and also to clarify the untold. I love Her and to be Hers in this D/s relationship that I wish to strengthen and to deepen.

My body reacted again strongly to the need to touch and I could not help but rub it against furniture early this morning and to edge. After this edging I feel my testicles even more aching and needy for release…I am craving to use my hands to do so. That makes me feel pathetic, weak and surprisingly needy to feel more in my flesh the control of Mistress Natalia.

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3/31 Day 8

Yesterday was uneventful, I did not come very long online since I had some things to do but being with my Mistress, pleasing  Her, serving Her is something I long for everyday. It is a craving that is building up in parallel with that increasing hitch for sexual release. My testicles and penis are aching for being stroked and emptied.  I am getting obsessed with that even more now that I edged 2 days ago…I see myself rubbing against furniture when I have an opportunity. I feel like an animal.  I am also thinking about this thing of being able to orgasm at will in a very short time for Mistress Natalia; I would love to train for that but how? ( I remembered this  story of a slave who was locked in chastity cage permanently and the cage was open once a week by his Mistress and he would erect and cum without touching right away. That sounded crazy….)

4/2 Day 10

I am getting obsessed with my chastity state. I am feeling again my testicles aching for release every other moment since yesterday.. Today when watching a  movie or reading, I could not prevent myself from squeezing my thighs and twisting myself on my armchair or even rubbing my heels against my sack and penis  to try to get some relief of that tension.  When walking in the street I had to fight hard not to get an erection when I was feeling my penis rubbing against the fabric of my pants  as I was thinking of Mistress Natalia at the same time… I don’t know how I will keep staying in that state, I feel my testicles heavy and aching as I write. I feel desperate for release but at the same time I cannot deny I enjoy the torture….

4/3 Day 11

I feel like it is has been an eternity since I did not stroke myself with my hands. I am pretty much like in the same state as yesterday. I am craving to take my testicles in my hands and squeeze them, massage them gently  to diminish the aching/hitching. I keep squeezing my thighs in the most twisted position when I can. I just would like to stroke so bad and at least edge a few times even if that will make things worse in the end.. The evil laugh of Mistress Natalia (when she read my previous entry) made me squirm with desire and I feel happy  she is amused as I keep squeezing my thighs when writing this…I cannot think straight..I cannot focus much if I have not something else that distracts me….I don’t know if I make much sense….I am between the strong desire to obey my Mistress and the need of my body for release… or to be touched….sometimes I have the temptations to use my hands…I feel so pathetic with my contortions …yet I can’t take the risk of deceiving my Mistress because I prefer one million times more to please Her than having release: I need and crave Her more than anything.

4/5 Day 13

Yesterday Mistress Natalia allowed me to use my hands to touch myself in the shower and in return we will go shopping for her.  She is so generous to let me have some release and to give me an opportunity to please Her in going shopping with Her.  I love Her, I hope she will have extravagant shopping desires so that I can please her extravagantly.

So I did touch myself  last night as I could not wait any longer. I inserted a finger in my bum, chanting the 6 words sentence in my head and  with my other hand I started to massage my sack and stroke my penis which got hard and throbbing very quickly. I did not do it very long because I felt I could not keep doing it without getting an orgasm. I kept massaging my testicles a bit more though but when I removed my finger from my anus a small quantity of sperm came out of my penis just on its own….I could not control it. I did not touch very long but still I felt so bad and so guilty and I hope Mistress Natalia won’t be too much displeased. The feeling of guilt ruined the relaxation I was hoping from playing with myself and my testicles still hurt and I am still desperate for having an orgasm which might be delayed even more now…..

This morning I woke up with strong thoughts of my Mistress and of some of the things we said yesterday. My feeling for her are getting stronger and deeper. My penis was hard and throbbing and I leaked some precum. (since I sleep naked, I might have stained the sheets), I feel like something has changed or is changing inside me. I am not sure what exactly but I feel something new, a desire I never had before….It is not a desire to serve or to obey or to please her…may be a desire to suffer for Her…

 

4/6 Day 1

So yesterday, we did some shopping with Mistress Natalia. It was already a pleasure to spoil her but then she spoiled me with the most exciting treat afterwards. She teased me in such a wicked way that i got horny like hell in my own office leaking pre-cum in my underwear. Her sweetness,  her strict directives, the verbal humiliation, the teasing about a RL chastity device, the privilege to go in bed with Her and the orgasm under her command, all this was mind blowing. I did not expect it and I am grateful to my Mistress to surprise me like she does every time. I adore this spontaneity, her genius to create such moments from an impulsion or an intuition and to take me generously in her wicked and rich world of sensations and feelings. Moreover knowing she has enjoyed this moment as much as I did is the cherry on the cake. I love you Mistress, You are so special.

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4/7 Day 2

Each time I am in company of Mistress Natalia my heart is pounding and my penis twitches or leaks. This happened yesterday and more so when we spoke about a RL chastity device. Each time I leak pre-cum it makes the chastity period more aching and difficult to endure. So I started yesterday evening to feel my testicles needing some care already. However it was fine it is just 2 days since my last orgasm.  Now I think that conversation about the RL chastity device had however a big impact on me because during the night I dreamed of Mistress Natalia and woke up thinking about the device. I got a strong arousal and became extremely hard and then, when I realized how it would be painful to have the device with such an arousal I became  even harder and throbbing, leaking pre-cum probably staining the sheets.  I could not stop  completely thinking about it and it happened several times during the night, so many times that it felt like it was continuous for several hours. Even this morning I had that hard-on throbbing like it rarely happens. I was even wondering if I could stop it…..I can’t imagine how it will be when I wear this cage and Mistress Natalia teases me…..

4/8 Day 3

So Mistress Natalia found a place in Chelsea where she wanted me to get a device that she chose to restrict my RL “pee pee” as she always ironically says. After the excitation to be locked by Her it caused me the night before and my profound  desire to please Her, I could not resist to obey Her instruction even though this is making me extremely nervous. So I went there, it was very easy to find and in fact I discovered this neighborhood has a lot of such shops. When I entered inside, I was not really nervous but still I preferred to check out the items on my own without having to ask a person there explaining  I was looking for a chastity device (smiles) but of course those were displayed in a  showcase so … I had to. The thing looked like we had seen on the website just a bit larger than I expected: it was sitting in a white box like those designed for the apple products so I just bought the i-chastity device  and left..

So…later at home, yesterday night, I tried it and then realized it was not that easy to put it on. In particular, the ring is difficult to insert since one needs to pass the scrotum and the penis inside. I thought I could not do it but I succeeded eventually with the larger ring. It felt tight enough but since it was taking a huge place I worked out to put the middle ring and it worked. Then I put the part on the penis itself which is narrow even though I wasn’t aroused. In the end once everything is put together and locked, it’s a big package which is not so easy to hide probably because of the ring which is  quite thick. I took a few pictures for Mistress Natalia. It’s not very comfortable and it is impossible to forget when it is on but it does not hurt…. well at least when one is not aroused….

4/10 Day 4

Yesterday was the first time I had to wear the device when online with Mistress Natalia who demanded from me to wear it 30 minutes before I had to go offline at my research seminar. Even though It made me extremely nervous and I wanted to start that later I could not refuse her this amusement. As She showed me off in my new state to Miss Rosa and teased me, I immediately felt aroused and at the same time weaker and more submissive than usual. In that state, the impossibility to fully erect is utmost frustrating and source of excitement at the same time. It is caused by the narrowness of the cage (even when I am not aroused) and of the ring that must limit the blood flow. Instead of getting fully erected I feel my penis twitch more and consequently leak pre-cum. That makes me feel weak, horny, submissive and pathetic. It is a suffering but a pleasure at the same time. Later in the afternoon, when speaking with Mistress Natalia, I was constantly distracted by these sensations as I felt aroused by Her presence and attention. Consequently I have leaked a lot on Friday and it was fortunate I had protected my underwear with some tissue otherwise my pants would have been certainly wet. These leaks add to my frustration and even if it is only 4 days after my last orgasm, I am starting to feel like it is more.

My wife and I went out today and did some shopping. In the afternoon we decided to go get some massage at one of our local Chinese massage joints. The young female masseur who took care of me was particularly skilled and I felt very relaxed and she even massaged my bum lower than they usually do in these places. It was so good that I got very aroused and would have been fully erect if I had not stayed on my stomach. Instead my penis twitched  and leaked. I felt even more aroused when it made me think of Mistress Natalia and the chastity device She had me get… Fortunately neither my wife who were getting a massage next to me nor the masseur noticed or that would have been very embarrassing. Now my body is feeling needy again for release….

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4/11 Day 5

After i wrote my log last night, I watched a movie and went to bed around 2am. I was tired, nevertheless I woke up maybe 2 hours later with Mistress Natalia in my thoughts. These thoughts got me aroused, throbbing and leaking for most of the night. I was so horny and leaking that it felt like I could have an orgasm in just a few seconds even though I was not touching myself. This disturbed my sleep the entire night even though I was trying to think of something else as my mind was always coming back to the same thing. I have the impression that my brain circuits for arousal are getting completely rewired towards just the thought of being owned, controlled, used or abused by Mistress Natalia or in three words of being her bitch. I am really becoming a pervert if I was not one already ! LOL

I got out of bed with a fully erected and leaking penis at 11 am to answer a call. I was dying to stroke and cum but I could not. I even believe that if I had decided to disobey and do this without permission I would not have taken any pleasure but would only had a felt guilty to displease my Mistress. My sexual stamina was so high that I had to cool it off one way or another; so I decided to go to the gym. I think I never was as full of energy in the gym as I was this morning despite the very agitated night. At some moment, my thoughts drifted to Mistress Natalia and even when I was running I could feel I was going to get a full erection if I let it go. After the gym, the sauna, the cold shower I was feeling better. I walked back home satisfied of that gym session and relaxed.

However, I know something is changing deep inside me. It comes from and is for Mistress Natalia. It is new and exciting. I would lie or would be stupid not to be nervous about it. I am clearly losing control. That’s fine because I trust Her. It is possible because I trust Her. I have decided to embrace this and I think I love it. It balances with other aspects of my personality and my life. Where ever it takes me, it takes us, I think the adventure is worth it because of who Mistress Natalia is. My deep and special feelings for Her are part of that journey and it is what makes it even more real…

 

#hivementality

Posted: May 6, 2016 by nataliakessel in Articles, Feel the Hellfire, Isn't It Divine?, Uncategorized

Every now and then we get a slave who thinks that he is smarter than us. slug is one of those slaves who thought he was not once, but twice. He first tried to manipulate Rosa & myself against each other by being too dumb to realize that there is no “me” & “her”, but rather an us. Our philosophies are the same, our taste in slaves is the same, we finish each other’s sentences, and when we get into rhythm pure D/s magic happens. It’s a true hive mentality.

Most lesser  skilled Dommes would have muted and/or banned slug for these transgressions, but that would have been letting him off far too easily. We have made him sign one of our unconditional slave contracts instead as a means to reconditioning his mindset and place in the world.

We want him to shove a banana up his bum and take a picture of it to prove it? He does it.

We want him to pay the tiers for the sim for the month? He does it.

We want him to write the word “nothing” all over his body to re-enforce what he is, and take pictures of it; doesn’t even matter if he has to go to work the next day? He does it.

For all you loser, “want to be slaves” out there that think you are smarter than the Sisterhood of Divine Sadism; let the note from slug, below serve as a warning. Your low IQ & pathetic schemes are no match for #hivementality.

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Dedicated to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia

2016-04-30  by slug

On my ordeal since i signed the slave contract

As i write this testimonial i am down on my knees, naked, wearing a collar and plug, in honor of Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia. i know that i am Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias loyal devoted dedicated property and slave. i also realize that i exist solely for Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias pleasure and happiness. Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia are in full control of my body, mind and sexuality. my knees are used only for the purpose of kneeling in front of Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia as I beg and drool for Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias attention and acceptance. i know that when Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia punish me harshly the pain which i feel is for Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias pleasure.

Since i signed the slave contract, non consensual slavery to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia has become the natural order of my life. i internalized that i am nothing, nothing but an inferior animal, a pathetic pig on its knees, nose to the floor in worship of Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia who own me. The contract settled me into a life of total female servitude. to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia demonstrated their power over this weak willed creature . i spent hours and hours locked in a cell an never felt any freedom again.

Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia have completely conquered, captured, molded and reprogrammed my mind, body, emotions and soul and i know that they can release the tight vise like extremely possessive grip of their ownership over this lowly slave whenever they want to do so and dismiss me forever. my previous vanilla life has become a blur of what it once was. my slave soul has become completely dependent on Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia and i am their prisoner and bound to them. my peace comes from bowing to their ownership and possession.

i am aware of the fact that that Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia have absolutely no interest in my point of view and i am devoid of making any decisions or choices and my demeanor is now one of complete subservience, servitude and strict obedience. i now fully understand and embrace the fact that pain and pleasure are intertwined and are one and the same and realize that my entire existence evolves and is focused on proving myself worthy and providing Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia with pleasure and happiness in any and every way imaginable. When i am on public display for purposes of humiliation or at their lair i always project the proper attitude befitting the slave that i have become and i never question Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias commands and follow blindly down the path of Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias desires, any pleasure which i feel is solely derived from the pleasure i provide to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia.

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i try to improve my skills and take the chances to get deeper under Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias spell and also which helps to keep me completely focused on my life of slavery and devotion to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia. i can see in Mistress Rosass and Mistress Natalia eyes and also in their demeanor that they derive great pleasure from her slaves accelerated development, which is and ongoing never ending process. i do not care about my satisfaction, and again i must reiterate that my peace and happiness comes from bowing to Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias ownership and total possession.

in my minds eye i see Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias pleasure, eyes, face, lipstick, hair and rhinestones as they torment and turn me into their tool for submission, my cage is my badge of her ownership and absolute control. i desire to be locked in for long periods while the only key is in Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias possession. i am only allowed to crawl and i have completely surrendered my masculinity for Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias control, desire and safe keeping. I relish and embrace the fact that Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalia  keep me in extremely strict mental bondage while they degrade, humiliate, torment, torture, tease,and force me to be nothing but an inderior animal all with a devious pleasing smile on their faces. i could go on and on however it is truly difficult to fully articulate the joy and elation i feel being owned and a slave to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia. One thing that I must practice is my tone of voice, Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia however have partially rectified that issue by forcing a gag on me not allowing me to speak and / or respond according to their will. i noticed that this has forced my tone of voice to become softer. I am grateful for their reinforced power on me when i do errors. i do know that i am a work in progress and try my best to be worth the effort.

i yearn for Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias collar around my neck for all to observe her Ownership over their slave, i wear it with the utmost pride.

i work very hard and without hesitation at making Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia proud of her acquisition. I do see the restrictions Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia put on me as a further dive into my complete transformation to a groveling and begging toy and slave.i kneel, supplicant before Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia, my will offered up in quiet acquiescence awaiting their approval or reproach, the fine line between pleasure and pain becomes ever sweeter with Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias absolute control with every touch, command, smoldering embers are kindled tormenting desires awakened. i quiver captured by heat and hunger, bend me to Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia show me and teach me what Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia  most desire. my purpose is but to serve through your dominion. Mistress Rosa and Mistress Natalia, the Owners of my body, emotions, mind and soul are treasured above all.

Mistress Rosas and Mistress Natalias lowly slave in waiting

If you are not yet bored of following my steps in the Realm of Mistress Natalia, here is the third installment from my chastity log. My last post ended when She was leaving for a week of work overseas, and had given me the instructions to follow Miss Rosa’s training during her absence. Coincidentally, I was also leaving for vacation in Florida that same week preventing me from coming online as it was expected by Miss Rosa. It was unfortunate, because She had plans and as you will see I had to endure the consequences of my failure to meet Her expectations . This left me with doubts as you will see which will be clarified in part 4 if you keep reading.

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3/11 Day 6

As I said yesterday morning, I received some instructions from Miss Rosa concerning my chastity.
1) No touching my penis with my hands
2) Hump furniture and edges at least 4 times
3) Being allowed to touch some parts of my genitals or my anus except my penis at the price of a picture.
To accomplish 1) I need now to sit every single time I want to pee. I do that sometimes but doing it every time is embarrassing and a constraint but it does not bother me too much.

For 2), I went back home yesterday afternoon because I knew I would be alone and  I humped the corner of my mattress like I did last Saturday and I stimulated my testicles with my hands knowing I will have to pay with a picture for that. I edged 4 times when humping and even leaked pre-cum in my underwear. I was again like in heat and was so needy to ejaculate. I made pictures and  sent them to Miss Rosa at night as she instructed. Miss Rosa was happy of how I accomplished what I had to do and I was glad she was. We had the opportunity to talk more than we usually do and it was very good because it makes me know her better and be less anxious when around her.

Mistress Natalia left a wicked laughter as an offline this morning. I miss Her. I hope Her upcoming travel won’t be too stressful.

3/14 Day 1

Friday afternoon, I humped all I could in my office and I massaged my testicles (and I made 4 pictures of that) but I could not put myself in a mindset and get aroused. I could not find more privacy to be in a state that would allow me to edge without using my hands. It was very frustrating because I really wanted to do what Miss Rosa instructed…I saw Her a bit later to give Her the pictures I shot and fortunately She seemed to be happy of what I had done. She then told me that my instruction would be in the following days to keep aiming to edging.

Saturday, we flew to Miami for the spring break. The hotel we are in is nice …I did not know when I would have some alone time to be able to follow Miss Rosa’s instructions, however I got an idea: I will do it during the morning when my wife goes out for a walk on the beach with her dog since she knows I like to sleep late on vacation mornings. So I tried again Sunday mornings but I could not really get aroused. It is very difficult to get myself in the mindset sometimes and not being allowed to touch make things even more difficult.
So  I failed again Sunday morning. However Sunday afternoon I had sex with my wife (so today is Day 1) and it was a real relief of the frustration although because of the chastity cntraints of the last few weeks I was not able to hold it very long….

We are now Monday morning and I  walked up earlier to try again to hump things in the bedroom  following Miss Rosa’s instructions when my wife is outside walking on the beach. I got more successful and I made some pictures. I did not get a full erection but it’s difficult to do so without being in feminine presence and without being able to touch…. I hope Miss Rosa will be satisfied by the pictures. I had sent an email to Her but I wonder if She saw it…..I also sent one to Mistress Natalia. and am longing to talk to Her ….I hope She is well.

3/17 Day 1

After reading my last entries, Miss Rosa gave me new instructions and allowed me to have access again to my genitals and  masturbate if I insert my forefinger in my anus and investigate my prostate at the same time. I was also instructed to repeat the mantra “my hole is meant to be fucked”. I did so everyday since each time I am alone or when I think of it. I have said it out loud as well when I can. I feel silly saying that but I feel it is also getting to me and makes me desire to be fucked this way.

I have masturbated once following Miss Rosa instructions and have explored my prostate. I think I have located it and have started to get some feeling of it but not anything really pleasurable. Maybe I touched it too lightly but I am nervous about hurting if I push it too hard. I have tried several time though and I am getting to it more easily now. I have done more pictures as she demanded as well and gave them today.

I was thrilled to see Mistress Natalia today even though I ended up being punished. It hurts more than anything to see her disappointed and I deserve the punishment since I did not meet Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa’s expectations. I will work more to learn on how to anticipate what is expected. I just hope Mistress Natalia did not see that as a lack of commitment. The 30 days of chastity are going to be terrible to endure….

3/18 Day 2

I am having insomnia not only because I was woken up by the music outside (still active at 5am) but also because my mind can’t stop thinking and reflecting  like  most of yesterday alone time  to  what happened yesterday morning. I have had mixed feelings and I got to  wonder if I should just think on how to please better or if I should stop doing that and  just react instinctively to the grooming I am the subject of.

Basically punishments come as a way of grooming when an expectation has not been met.  Of course nothing new here but what I am not used to is that  it could be that this expectation was never (clearly or not)  formulated at all. Anticipation is the key here and I probably failed because I do not know Miss Rosa well enough to anticipate her expectations which could be different from Mistress Natalia’s. I will therefore work on getting to know Miss Rosa better in case a similar situation occur. More generally speaking,  I also have to thrive harder to create new ways to meet the expectations of Mistress Natalia in case the usual ways can’t be possible because or the circumstances. Also I have to stay alert to anticipate any expectation She could have.

Finally, I can’t finish without expressing my gratitude to Mistress Natalia for giving me this punishment that teaches me to serve and please Her better and to Miss Rosa for having tested me during Mistress Natalia’s absence. Also I am happy that Mistress Natalia enjoys making my life miserable. It is one of the ways of pleasing Her and it makes my life miserable but not too much thanks to that.  The worse pain is to see her displeased or disappointed. For me, it is the true punishment.

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3/19 day 3

Yesterday Mistress Natalia continued to punish me by having me wear a sissy outfit She had a lot of  fun creating as I got humiliated in front of everyone….So I am now on duty to scrub the deck of DS in this sissy outfit with instruction to greet each “Divine” in a certain way and stress that “my hole is meant to be fucked” to add to my humiliation. This has had already a consequence since Miss Isabelle I never met took this opportunity to have my pixel hole used by her boy…

I hate to be feminized and treated as a sissy but I will do it gracefully to please Mistress Natalia as I know She is enjoying to make me feel miserable for my punishment. The idea I am pleasing Her in this way it what matters to me after all. The rest is secondary. This treatment reminds me of the experiences I had in the past but I feel much more detached from  this now. I also should add that I admire the confidence that  Mistress Natalia  has  in her power and ability to inflict this to me  knowing it is something I would classify as a hard limit. This confidence in Her power and superiority over me is very arousing. Each time She displays it with strength it makes me melt. When I thought of it yesterday and today I can’t help but feel an arousal which reminds me of my chastity state for the next 27 days…I feel already this will make me feel or become even more submissive and it makes me shiver in anticipation…

3/20 Day 4

The thoughts of my submission to Mistress Natalia, of Her power, of my desire to make Her happy, of my forbidden access to my genitals for 26 more days, of the instructions to develop my anal sexuality do not leave me in peace when I am not occupied by something else. It also triggers arousal and cravings to touch myself and I do what I can only do considering the restrictions … I caress my anus and insert a finger which gives me some relief but also makes me want to touch again and again making me desire for something more intense…At the same time my love for Mistress Natalia, the craving to please Her,  to be near Her and the need for Her praises keep my mind full of thoughts of Her…I feel I want to do more for Her, anything She wants, going one or more steps further in my submission…if She wants to allow it and I am feeling like begging for it sometimes… What keeps me from doing it, is not pride nor shyness but the fear She interprets it like a selfish need. Also I trust Her way to conduct this in the pace She knows is best.

3/21 Day 5

Yesterday was another emotional strike to me and I felt down again last afternoon after Mistress Natalia left as I am worried she is still disappointed. I don’t know if this is an intentional mind fuck to break me or if it is a real doubt about my intentions for doing what was expected of me during my week in Miami but I feel like I am losing it lately. Of course, I know I am tested to take whatever  treatment I am given which I will take as much as I can because I chose to submit fully to Mistress Natalia to please Her and make Her happy always. I have seen Miss Rosa last night and she said nice encouraging words and I felt better before going to bed. This morning I felt slightly aroused at the thought of becoming more submissive and hurried up to get prepared to be online to serve Mistress Natalia but it would be a lie not to say I feel anxious …

3/22 Day 6

Yesterday morning I spent more than 3 hours at DS doing my duty, scrubbing the floor and welcoming the Divines and offering my service and my hole as instructed. Miss G asked me to clean her dirty boots and fucked me hard and merciless calling me “whore” all the time. What an humiliation! It did not get aroused  but I am sure I leaked some precum out of it, like each time I am humiliated harshly. Each time this leaking happens, it makes the chastity even more difficult to bear….

In the afternoon, I had the happiness to see Mistress Natalia and be relieved from my punishment for a time together. It felt like a rainbow of sweetness after the storm of emotional torture of the last few days. It made me feel light and I was so happy to share that moment with my Mistress. This morning and tonight I felt some arousing when thinking of Mistress Natalia and how submissive I feel able to be just for Her and that feeling amplifies if I touch my anus the only thing I am allowed to touch for the next 24 days….

3/23 Day 7

Yesterday evening , Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa convoked me and it was again emotionally stressful even if I can see too well (some of) the strings pulled by the two manipulative and smart Dominas who seem to play in unison their art of domination. At least, Mistress Natalia enjoyed it which is what matters. I don’t know about Miss Rosa who seems to ignore me today… I did not sleep well mainly because all this is raising doubts about my compatibility with Mistress Natalia. I don’t think I am that kind of masochistic slave feeling pain all the time but who at least gets a turn on from the suffering even if no pleasure… I can do a lot sacrifices and get pain to please but not permanently and I cannot deny who I am: I am not looking for pleasure for myself but what if my desire gets affected ?