One year later…

Posted: May 19, 2017 by frenchy in Feel the Hellfire, Isn't It Divine?, Submissive Thoughts

About a year ago, I got myself lucky not only to cross the path of Mistress Natalia at the Hellfire club, but also that She found some interest in training me. Anyone who knows Her would not be surprised that I got an instant crush, that left me breathless and immediately eager to follow Her lead. Yet, I had not a clue which path I was going to take albeit I anticipated it would be intense.

Of course, I already had some experience as a submissive and at that time I had somehow overcome the struggle and denial period that many men experience when they discover their desires – I should say “needs”- to submit to a Dominatrix. I was also wise enough not to have any expectations and even if I was worried to fail, I was not scared to throw myself into Her hands to do the best I could to reach the high level of service She requires. Indeed, even if I ignored how much struggle there was ahead, I could recognize here an amazing opportunity and I took this chance very seriously.

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at the Hellfire club with Mistress Natalia

At that time, I was really just hanging around places to indulge my cravings to be disciplined in the service of a Dominatrix. I have to admit that most of the time, I was really playing this as a fantasy and I was not looking for any relationship probably because the previous one had been really disappointing and led me to get out of it. Maybe for that reason, I was very much centered on my senses when interacting with a Mistress and that was making me do silly RP emotes – as I was reminded by Miss Rosa – when I had  a conversation with Her, a few weeks before meeting Mistress Natalia, and during which I was ridiculously biting my lips every other minute.

Still, as I said, my experience was not nonexistent, and I had learned how my enthusiasm to please and serve was above every other need. I knew also that my fetishes were all conditioned by this fundamental desire: I was not concerned to satisfy any specific fetish except the one to please a Dominant I would feel connected with. I was even ready to make some sacrifices if they were within certain limits which, I thought were necessary and healthy in any D/s relationship.

The emotional shock of meeting Mistress Natalia changed everything in a matter of a couple of hours. In the next days, weeks and months, my desire to please and obey took another dimension with Her. It made me powerless before anything She challenged me with, even when, what I called my limits, were at stake. Little by little, I learned what it means to really serve and I saw myself swallowing my pride in order to comply with anything beyond my limits as I was emotionally tormented just for Her amusement. It was also a lesson of how to serve properly as I was really punished when I deserved it, but also genuinely rewarded and encouraged when I was improving. Most of the time, I made substantial progresses by going through the struggles that I overcame by digging deep into my growing passion for Mistress Natalia just to get the resources and the strength to endure the most challenging moments.

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Mistress Natalia and Her bitch

Of course, this would have been impossible without the wonderful connection that we share and Her amazing talent  for  communication in order to create a trusting atmosphere between us. When I look back, I now recognize where She set some of the building bricks of the solid mutual trust that we share now. Undoubtedly, it made me evolve as a submissive or a slave when I understood that this very trust allows me to remove the limits I previously had. It’s not something that was acquired in a few days or without difficulties, but the reward of this relationship is worth a thousand times the price of the struggles, which were inevitable and are now here to witness my growth.

In the last 12 months, I have therefore thrived on giving in unconditionally to my desire to please, to submit and to follow Mistress Natalia’s lead in this relationship. She knows my desire to submit fully and She trusts me to obey on anything as I do not put any limits in my submission to Her. My trust in Her is what makes me strong about it, and I know when it is a good time to speak about my concerns if I have some, or if I need to ask Her help in case I am unsure about something. I quickly learned than trying is never an option as it just shows an inherent acceptation of the possibility to fail when failure is unacceptable, and working the hardest is the only way to go and to grow as a slave. I have also grasped how to read Her mood or desires, and to do always my best to anticipate Her whims. Each time I see Her, I feel at the same time excited and anxious to be at my best to serve Her like I was the first times we met.

Of course, this constant preoccupation and desire that Mistress Natalia is pleased and happy, makes me Her totally subservient bitch, something I assume peacefully as I am entirely convinced that this dynamic is not only what I need, but also what is best for Mistress Natalia and for me in our relationship, even if at some other times, we have non BDSM interactions.  Indeed,  although I have been struggling in the past about my submissive side and my needs, being half the time in denial and not understanding it, I have come, under Mistress Natalia’s leadership, to embrace it completely like never before. In fact, I believe that I have now succeeded – thanks to Her – to get rid of the male entitlement that was probably the main obstacle to genuinely accept the obvious of my position as a bottom in such a relationship while staying totally confident about myself. This fact combined with our mutual trust,  allows me to follow Her training in depth and be totally putty in Her hands without holding back. Moreover I feel that being under Her is where I always needed to be as being successful in serving Her fills me and makes me complete as my desires stay intact and keep me eager to always do anything for Her happiness. One can see this as being totally captive with the need to do always more and always better. In that sense, I am objectively completely owned by Her and nothing makes me happier.

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a special moment with Mistress Natalia

We interact through SL, but our relationship is very real. It involves emotions and a genuine devotion on my side as Mistress Natalia assumes the full responsibility of Her leadership. Recently, She gave me the honor and privilege to be Her partner. It made me absolutely elated as I see it as a recognition that I make Her happy and that She desires I keep doing so. It is an amazing motivation and encouragement to do even more for Her and I will keep working hard to be at the highest level of her expectations.

written by frenchy on March 1st, 2017.

 

 

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