My chastity log – part 6.

Posted: June 9, 2016 by frenchy in Feel the Hellfire, Isn't It Divine?, Submissive Thoughts

As days and weeks succeed one another, Mistress Natalia holds imperceptibly but surely a stronger grip on my mind and reinforces my chastity even more. The effect of the device She makes me wear more and more often  makes me each day more submissive as it intensifies Her control. It enhances my arousal and restricts it at the same time  making me lost in mixed feelings of excitement and frustration that undoubtedly lead me to a state of dependence and vulnerability that I never experienced before.

As the time goes by, it becomes clearer that I am not only accepting the restrictions but that I am loving them just because it is what Mistress Natalia wants. I see myself enjoying the frustration and the torment of the chastity more than I ever imagined as it symbolized so well my belonging to my Mistress. In this new installment of my chastity log, you will see how this brings me progressively to accept, without even questioning it, to consider a challenge She set up for me and that would have made me very doubtful I could even think of when  I started this journey with Mistress Natalia…

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4/27 Day 15

Nothing much happened yesterday except that Mistress Natalia ordered me to wear the chastity device to solve my urges to touch myself. Of course, this excited me more and made me frustrated at the same time. It’s a delicious feeling that makes me lose my ability to think straight as it makes me feel weak and even more needy. I felt like IMing Mistress Natalia every minute but I resisted the best I could to not disturb Her… Later, I went to DS, where Mistress Natalia was. She instructed me to get a latex cat suit and slave harness for a task I would have to do later for Miss Rosa and Her. On my subway ride home, I could not help but wonder what would be the new humiliation She had in stock for me and obviously I felt aroused again in the train. However most unfortunately, I could not come online very early and I missed Mistress Natalia. I hope She was not waiting for me….

4/28 Day 16

Today Mistress Natalia made me complete the horse outfit with hoofs and told me what I would be doing with it. Miss Rosa loved it and calls me the horseman now. It was funny. The tease of Mistress Natalia which aroused me in the morning made me feel like touching again. Also I decided to wear the device for the time I would be online in Her presence but Mistress Natalia decided I would wear it the whole day which I did. It was exciting and frustrating as usual but when I was not online I kind of succeeded to forget it. Of course, each time I was in presence of Mistress Natalia, I keep feeling the boundary of the cage and leak especially whenever she teases me. In the afternoon, we did a  shooting and I loved it as usual when I do this with Her even though I was not entirely satisfied with my photos.

I went to bed past midnight and slept very well for 2 hours but then I woke up and as usual now, I started to think about Mistress Natalia and about my training. It was not long before I get a throbbing and leaking erection that went on and off  for the rest of the night. These arousal make me feel crazy and like an animal again…The idea that I am becoming so docile and submissive even when I have to serve other Divines at DS to keep Mistress Natalia proud of my behavior kept my penis rock hard. I also thought about the chastity device. At first I was surprised that Mistress Natalia does not require me to wear it more often but when yesterday and before yesterday,  She said it was more something to protect me from myself, I reached the conclusion that She really wants to reinforce my chastity and that She might desire and be pleased that I anticipate her instructions to wear it on my own regularly. Obviously that thought hardened my penis that was twitching and leaking so hard that I had to sweep it not to stain the sheets many times during the night. I never had such throbbing erections so many times without touching….Now if I have such wandering thoughts during the day at a work meeting I realized that I could get a very embarrassing hard-on and it might be safer to wear that device and it is the first thing I did when I arrive in my office this morning.

4/30 Day 1

So my speculation was correct, Mistress Natalia expects me to anticipate Her desire to see me wearing the device on my own. So, I think she was happy that I did it yesterday and we had an amazingly erotic moment together.. After we shot some photos at the GC club,  She let me worship Her most intimate temples of pleasure. Since I was locked up at the same time, I was devilishly excited and frustrated to be unable to get a full erection  with the only possibility to twitch  hard and leak pitifully. Knowing my predicament turned Her on so much was exciting me even more leading me of course to a sweet and delicious torment. But how happy and proud, was I to see Her reach the pinnacle in the end, after what She generously allowed me to get out of the cage and have my turn an orgasm as well. She had very sweet words towards me after. I love those intimate moments which make me even more enslaved and deepen my attachment and trust in Her. It had been so long, I hadn’t an orgasm…16 days and I knew I was not ready to beg for it, having learned from the lesson she taught me about that. The 9 ejaculations a day I performed after I showed a bit too much my need to end the chastity cycle 17days ago was still in my mind and I wanted to avoid something similar…

Chastity, Tease and Denial is a very erotic combination and I cannot deny that the chastity imposed by Mistress Natalia excites me a lot even if it can be difficult to bear after a while. The same applies to wearing the device. The inaccessibility of something makes always that thing more attractive. Also when I am locked in company of Mistress Natalia, my sexual desires are enhanced and at the same time impossible to be granted by the amazing sensation of a full throbbing erection as the ones I have in bed thinking of Her. In spite of the high frustration it brings, the fact I love the sensation was however making it a bit difficult for me to anticipate Her desire that I wear the device  all day because  it could have been a selfish desire for more excitements… That’s is why sometimes anticipation can be tricky when we both desire the same thing…I am glad I brought that up to Her so that it is clarified. However, I now realize She probably wants me to wear the device whenever I am online or even whenever I can…. That Idea brought me again to a full throbbing erection this morning and I was dying to touch …

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5/1 Day 2

This morning I woke up as usual with thoughts of Mistress Natalia and the arousal that accompanies it as always now. The idea I was not allowed to touch made it even stronger…. So I went to the gym for an hour to exercise but still with the thought of Her in the back of my mind. After lunch I came online for a little while but  could not stay long to attend the events at DS since my wife wanted us to go get a massage at our local Chinese massage joint. It was very relaxing and I got the same masseur as the other day with the same effects, in fact it was even better. I came back online in the evening and saw Miss Rosa, bitch and lance. I was hoping to see Mistress Natalia….but instead Miss Kool arrived and I could not escape as early as I wanted….I can’t wait to see Mistress Natalia tomorrow.

5/2 Day 3

Yesterday morning, when I arrive at the office I wore the device immediately just before coming online. When I saw Mistress Natalia was already online, I knew it was safer to put the device before logging as I felt aroused immediately when She started talking to me.  She gave me some technical tasks on the blog that I was happy to help her with and She teased me a bit before going to work. When I saw Her in the afternoon, I showed Her what I wrote in my picks about wearing the device whenever I can for Her pleasure and She teased me so well like effortless that i felt extremely weak and horny. The frustration of the torment to be locked when teased was delicious and made  me feel very submissive and lose all pride. When telling Her how I was feeling, she teased me even more about making me get a plug. When I removed the device before going back home, it was all wet. I felt the need to touch and cum all evening and each time I was awake during the night as if last time I ejaculated was 2 weeks ago. This morning I got a hard-on thinking that the tease about the plug was probably a subliminal message for me to anticipate Mistress Natalia’s desire. But I think it is safer to wait for something more precise…

Last night Mistress Natalia debased in front of me one of her former slave. She was spectacular as She always is and I think everybody enjoyed the show except him I suppose. This morning She explained to me that this show was for me so that I do not feel threatened by him. I felt a strong emotion and it showed me once more how my feelings are deepening for  my Mistress.

5/3 Day 4

Most of yesterday I was still leashed at DS, unable to do nothing. Even serving other Dommes was out of the question since I could not leave my post. I could talk though but no Divine is really interested in chatting. I did chat with fellow slaves or/and  studied the Opencollar scripts to modify them for the DS collar project.  But it is difficult to concentrate on that and follow the  public chat. at the same time when a Divine is around.
Therefore, I felt pretty much restricted and the idea it was following the will of Mistress Natalia aroused me a couple of times reminding me the device I was wearing during the day and that my penis belongs to Mistress Natalia. It belongs to Her and I would not want this to be different. I crave Her control and I love to be Her property, Her animal and Her bitch.

Last night was fun, we eventually went to VT with Miss Rosa, Mistress Natalia and lance and bitchy who were wearing latex outfits similar to my horsey one. I went to bed quite late since just after Mistress Natalia left, Miss Rosa requested I serve Miss Alexis which demanded I clean her boots.

When I woke up this morning I got a strong urge to touch and felt  like I could ejaculate almost instantly if I did. In fact, just having my penis rub my thighs would  make me horny. Wearing the device enhances my arousal but restricts them at the same time and the fact I had only one orgasm 5 days ago make me feel extremely needy for ejaculation. It was difficult to resist but easy at the same time because I have no rights on my penis.  I just can’t without Mistress Natalia’s permission like if there is a lock in my brain circuits preventing me to do anything against Her will. Simply knowing that it would disappoint or displease Her just annihilates instantly any other desires I could have. So I am left with the torments of the cravings of my body which undermine my will and my reason, leaving me like an animal more submissive every day. I did not expect that wearing this device would weaken me so much as I get lost in mixed desires and sensations….

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5/4 Day 1

After I sent my log Yesterday, Mistress Natalia ordered me to pull down my pants and to blow on my penis. I misunderstood and thought she was allowing me to release which I did. I felt awful realizing it was a mistake and it must have disappointed her. There was no doubt in my mind or I would have asked but from now on I have to make sure that when some slang like that is used my understanding is accurate, especially for this kind of directions. I probably took my desire to end my frustration for a reality although I was happy to stay chaste for my Mistress. Anyhow, I must of course account for my mistake and I will take the abuse that Mistress Natalia is going to give me courageously and consoled from the disappointment I produced by knowing She will take pleasure in disciplining me. When she displayed Her authority yesterday after my fuck-up, I got aroused as it was showing how clear I am Her total property under Her full control and how submissive I feel under Her. I am now awaiting anxiously what she will decide to do to hurt me, wondering if it will be emotional as it usually is or physical. The wait is already a torture. Still She was generous to give me the board project to think about as I am wondering what my fate will be. However I cannot really stop thinking of it even if I tried to forget it during my dinner party yesterday.. Despite of the good wine, my anxiety resumed after and I woke up earlier than I wanted this morning …

5/5 Day 2

Yesterday, I spent all day in the cage at DS. I stayed online quite a bit with the hope to see Mistress Natalia and to get my punishment so that I can account for my mistake. When I spoke to her, a few times, she was distant not wanting to give me any details about when or what would that be. I thought she was  busy preparing her trip and did not insist. She left without a word and came back later. She even came to DS a few times ignoring me completely. I don’t know if there is another punishment to come but this is one of the worse: being ignored by someone one loves and desires to please more than anything. I felt my heart pounding all day in a tight knot of anxiety so much that  I could barely concentrate on anything. I tried to work on the script for Miss Rosa’s board and I had advanced a bit but I was slower than I should. Even the usual distraction of DS with the greetings and the insulting orders did not make me feel any relief but the opposite.

Even if I could rationally think that what we have Mistress Natalia and I is already solid after 3+ months, when I hurt like this, I am confused with doubts and I become insecure : I wonder if the disappointment I caused Her is going to make Her change her feelings for me or if the path we have taken together so far  will continue the same way. That idea hurts more than anything and feeds the confusion and the pain in a vicious circle. I could not bear anymore to think of this and I went offline earlier than usual. When She dismissed me Her comment suggested my punishment was that treatment…It was not really a surprise but it did not make me feel any better.

However last night, as I came online mainly to discuss with lance, Mistress Natalia released me from the cage and ended the punishment. I came at Her feet, holding her ankles and we talked as we usually do. It was such a relief. I felt light again like all the weight pilling up on me all day had disappeared….As I told Her that night, this punishment was really wicked. If I knew from the beginning this treatment  of isolation and being ignored was the punishment, I would have endured it much more easily. Also, the happiness of this feeling after She called me to Her was so delightful. I can only be grateful for how She controls my emotions as this moment would not have been so sweet without the pain before….

 

5/6 Day 3

Today, I spent most of my time working on the script for the Scum rating board that Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa asked me to make. I was happy that they think of me for that. I finished to do it late and it seems to work pretty well although there are probably some bugs to be fixed after testing. I am glad to contribute to DS with this, as I see Miss Rosa and Mistress Natalia really love this adventure. But  I missed spending time with my Mistress today. We exchanged a few IMs but She was busy and then left without a word…

5/9 Day 6
I spent the week-end enjoying a relaxing  time with family and friends. I went out also in the park on Sunday as the weather was better. I did also go to the gym as I usually do on Sunday mornings. I came online and worked on improving my script. I corrected a few bugs even today. Now I think it is quite stable. I will add a few features later on to ease the use of it.  Now that the script is quasi-finished, I feel a bit aimless but I really enjoyed doing this for Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa. I felt honored of the trust they gave me in this project and I am happy that Miss Rosa is satisfied by the result of my work. I went a bit to DS to check on the scum rating board and I got tied up to serve other dommes. I find these pixel play with some of these unattractive dommes completely uninteresting. However, I have submit just because of the will of Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa but  I think I will keep avoiding DS when they aren’t around.

After 6 days, I haven’t been suffering much of the chastity so far. I keep wearing the device on week-days when I come online when at night and week-end I can relax from the constraint although I did not get much arousal lately.  Probably because I miss Mistress Natalia and therefore I am not really much excited. Last time we spent time together was that memorable afternoon ten days ago. It was so hot. She sent me the picture of it and it is such a sweet and sexy memory. I saw Her very quickly this morning and she allowed me to remove the horsey outfit. But she will be away for the rest of the week traveling…I hope it won’t be too tiring and stressful for Her and that  I will find an opportunity to make feel Her special soon.

5/10 Day 7

I went to bed early last night and I came online early this morning with the hope to see Mistress Natalia before she leaves for Denver but I suppose her flight was early. I discussed with lance who is a good fellow and I worked to add a few features to my script.
Of course, I am wearing the device to have my penis locked up for my Mistress. I am getting used to it. The only thing that is bothering me is that I have to pay attention it does not show. When I think of my state and submission for Mistress Natalia, my penis twitches and hits the boundary of the cage restricting it from growing more. It makes me feel more submissive and weaker than I have ever been before and reminds me of my strong desire to make Mistress Natalia the happiest. I hope I will see Her tonight.

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5/11 Day 8

I just arrived in my office and put the chastity device on. I put the lock on it to symbolized I won’t remove it until this evening and I will do that everyday until May 20th upon the instructions of Mistress Natalia who wants to enforce more my chastity after I fucked up yesterday to follow a simple instruction. I feel absolutely submissive  locked and completely enslaved to Her will. My own will has completely vanished in Her presence or more precisely, my will has become Her will. All I want to do is what She decides. All I desire, is to see Her pleased and happy. I feel the ring of the chastity device like if it is Her grip on my cock and balls, reminding me She is always in control and that I am Her bitch to do what I am told.

In particular, She got very inspired yesterday and it was presented as a punishment for my lack of focus but I am certain She had that in mind anyway. She wants me to go all locked up with my chastity device in a strip club and order a lap dance to add to my humiliation. It’s going to be extremely embarrassing and my heart pounds at the idea of it. What  bewilders me is that  I can’t think of not doing it. The minute Mistress Natalia wants it makes me want or even crave to do it for Her, bringing extremely mixed feelings considering what it is.  My core rooted desire to please Her first, annihilates any objection that I could have raised in any other circumstances. It is going to cost me, I have never gone to such a place….I will have to gather my courage and I can’t even imagine how humiliated I will feel. However, the reward to see Her pleased, amused and happy is priceless and that will give me the strength I will need to overcome the anxiety to do this. For this reason, my sleep has been agitated and the feeling of Her grip again on my mind got me a throbbing erection when I woke up in the middle of the night.  It’s fortunate I don’t have to wear the device when I sleep….But knowing I could not touch, because of the enforced chastity Mistress Natalia demands got me extremely frustrated.  Now I need to think how I will do THIS and especially WHEN. My stomach tighten in anticipation and my heart races. I think I might need a few days to get accustomed to the idea….

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