My chastity log – part 3.

Posted: May 2, 2016 by frenchy in Articles, Feel the Hellfire, Sadist's Delight, Submissive Thoughts

If you are not yet bored of following my steps in the Realm of Mistress Natalia, here is the third installment from my chastity log. My last post ended when She was leaving for a week of work overseas, and had given me the instructions to follow Miss Rosa’s training during her absence. Coincidentally, I was also leaving for vacation in Florida that same week preventing me from coming online as it was expected by Miss Rosa. It was unfortunate, because She had plans and as you will see I had to endure the consequences of my failure to meet Her expectations . This left me with doubts as you will see which will be clarified in part 4 if you keep reading.

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3/11 Day 6

As I said yesterday morning, I received some instructions from Miss Rosa concerning my chastity.
1) No touching my penis with my hands
2) Hump furniture and edges at least 4 times
3) Being allowed to touch some parts of my genitals or my anus except my penis at the price of a picture.
To accomplish 1) I need now to sit every single time I want to pee. I do that sometimes but doing it every time is embarrassing and a constraint but it does not bother me too much.

For 2), I went back home yesterday afternoon because I knew I would be alone and  I humped the corner of my mattress like I did last Saturday and I stimulated my testicles with my hands knowing I will have to pay with a picture for that. I edged 4 times when humping and even leaked pre-cum in my underwear. I was again like in heat and was so needy to ejaculate. I made pictures and  sent them to Miss Rosa at night as she instructed. Miss Rosa was happy of how I accomplished what I had to do and I was glad she was. We had the opportunity to talk more than we usually do and it was very good because it makes me know her better and be less anxious when around her.

Mistress Natalia left a wicked laughter as an offline this morning. I miss Her. I hope Her upcoming travel won’t be too stressful.

3/14 Day 1

Friday afternoon, I humped all I could in my office and I massaged my testicles (and I made 4 pictures of that) but I could not put myself in a mindset and get aroused. I could not find more privacy to be in a state that would allow me to edge without using my hands. It was very frustrating because I really wanted to do what Miss Rosa instructed…I saw Her a bit later to give Her the pictures I shot and fortunately She seemed to be happy of what I had done. She then told me that my instruction would be in the following days to keep aiming to edging.

Saturday, we flew to Miami for the spring break. The hotel we are in is nice …I did not know when I would have some alone time to be able to follow Miss Rosa’s instructions, however I got an idea: I will do it during the morning when my wife goes out for a walk on the beach with her dog since she knows I like to sleep late on vacation mornings. So I tried again Sunday mornings but I could not really get aroused. It is very difficult to get myself in the mindset sometimes and not being allowed to touch make things even more difficult.
So  I failed again Sunday morning. However Sunday afternoon I had sex with my wife (so today is Day 1) and it was a real relief of the frustration although because of the chastity cntraints of the last few weeks I was not able to hold it very long….

We are now Monday morning and I  walked up earlier to try again to hump things in the bedroom  following Miss Rosa’s instructions when my wife is outside walking on the beach. I got more successful and I made some pictures. I did not get a full erection but it’s difficult to do so without being in feminine presence and without being able to touch…. I hope Miss Rosa will be satisfied by the pictures. I had sent an email to Her but I wonder if She saw it…..I also sent one to Mistress Natalia. and am longing to talk to Her ….I hope She is well.

3/17 Day 1

After reading my last entries, Miss Rosa gave me new instructions and allowed me to have access again to my genitals and  masturbate if I insert my forefinger in my anus and investigate my prostate at the same time. I was also instructed to repeat the mantra “my hole is meant to be fucked”. I did so everyday since each time I am alone or when I think of it. I have said it out loud as well when I can. I feel silly saying that but I feel it is also getting to me and makes me desire to be fucked this way.

I have masturbated once following Miss Rosa instructions and have explored my prostate. I think I have located it and have started to get some feeling of it but not anything really pleasurable. Maybe I touched it too lightly but I am nervous about hurting if I push it too hard. I have tried several time though and I am getting to it more easily now. I have done more pictures as she demanded as well and gave them today.

I was thrilled to see Mistress Natalia today even though I ended up being punished. It hurts more than anything to see her disappointed and I deserve the punishment since I did not meet Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa’s expectations. I will work more to learn on how to anticipate what is expected. I just hope Mistress Natalia did not see that as a lack of commitment. The 30 days of chastity are going to be terrible to endure….

3/18 Day 2

I am having insomnia not only because I was woken up by the music outside (still active at 5am) but also because my mind can’t stop thinking and reflecting  like  most of yesterday alone time  to  what happened yesterday morning. I have had mixed feelings and I got to  wonder if I should just think on how to please better or if I should stop doing that and  just react instinctively to the grooming I am the subject of.

Basically punishments come as a way of grooming when an expectation has not been met.  Of course nothing new here but what I am not used to is that  it could be that this expectation was never (clearly or not)  formulated at all. Anticipation is the key here and I probably failed because I do not know Miss Rosa well enough to anticipate her expectations which could be different from Mistress Natalia’s. I will therefore work on getting to know Miss Rosa better in case a similar situation occur. More generally speaking,  I also have to thrive harder to create new ways to meet the expectations of Mistress Natalia in case the usual ways can’t be possible because or the circumstances. Also I have to stay alert to anticipate any expectation She could have.

Finally, I can’t finish without expressing my gratitude to Mistress Natalia for giving me this punishment that teaches me to serve and please Her better and to Miss Rosa for having tested me during Mistress Natalia’s absence. Also I am happy that Mistress Natalia enjoys making my life miserable. It is one of the ways of pleasing Her and it makes my life miserable but not too much thanks to that.  The worse pain is to see her displeased or disappointed. For me, it is the true punishment.

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3/19 day 3

Yesterday Mistress Natalia continued to punish me by having me wear a sissy outfit She had a lot of  fun creating as I got humiliated in front of everyone….So I am now on duty to scrub the deck of DS in this sissy outfit with instruction to greet each “Divine” in a certain way and stress that “my hole is meant to be fucked” to add to my humiliation. This has had already a consequence since Miss Isabelle I never met took this opportunity to have my pixel hole used by her boy…

I hate to be feminized and treated as a sissy but I will do it gracefully to please Mistress Natalia as I know She is enjoying to make me feel miserable for my punishment. The idea I am pleasing Her in this way it what matters to me after all. The rest is secondary. This treatment reminds me of the experiences I had in the past but I feel much more detached from  this now. I also should add that I admire the confidence that  Mistress Natalia  has  in her power and ability to inflict this to me  knowing it is something I would classify as a hard limit. This confidence in Her power and superiority over me is very arousing. Each time She displays it with strength it makes me melt. When I thought of it yesterday and today I can’t help but feel an arousal which reminds me of my chastity state for the next 27 days…I feel already this will make me feel or become even more submissive and it makes me shiver in anticipation…

3/20 Day 4

The thoughts of my submission to Mistress Natalia, of Her power, of my desire to make Her happy, of my forbidden access to my genitals for 26 more days, of the instructions to develop my anal sexuality do not leave me in peace when I am not occupied by something else. It also triggers arousal and cravings to touch myself and I do what I can only do considering the restrictions … I caress my anus and insert a finger which gives me some relief but also makes me want to touch again and again making me desire for something more intense…At the same time my love for Mistress Natalia, the craving to please Her,  to be near Her and the need for Her praises keep my mind full of thoughts of Her…I feel I want to do more for Her, anything She wants, going one or more steps further in my submission…if She wants to allow it and I am feeling like begging for it sometimes… What keeps me from doing it, is not pride nor shyness but the fear She interprets it like a selfish need. Also I trust Her way to conduct this in the pace She knows is best.

3/21 Day 5

Yesterday was another emotional strike to me and I felt down again last afternoon after Mistress Natalia left as I am worried she is still disappointed. I don’t know if this is an intentional mind fuck to break me or if it is a real doubt about my intentions for doing what was expected of me during my week in Miami but I feel like I am losing it lately. Of course, I know I am tested to take whatever  treatment I am given which I will take as much as I can because I chose to submit fully to Mistress Natalia to please Her and make Her happy always. I have seen Miss Rosa last night and she said nice encouraging words and I felt better before going to bed. This morning I felt slightly aroused at the thought of becoming more submissive and hurried up to get prepared to be online to serve Mistress Natalia but it would be a lie not to say I feel anxious …

3/22 Day 6

Yesterday morning I spent more than 3 hours at DS doing my duty, scrubbing the floor and welcoming the Divines and offering my service and my hole as instructed. Miss G asked me to clean her dirty boots and fucked me hard and merciless calling me “whore” all the time. What an humiliation! It did not get aroused  but I am sure I leaked some precum out of it, like each time I am humiliated harshly. Each time this leaking happens, it makes the chastity even more difficult to bear….

In the afternoon, I had the happiness to see Mistress Natalia and be relieved from my punishment for a time together. It felt like a rainbow of sweetness after the storm of emotional torture of the last few days. It made me feel light and I was so happy to share that moment with my Mistress. This morning and tonight I felt some arousing when thinking of Mistress Natalia and how submissive I feel able to be just for Her and that feeling amplifies if I touch my anus the only thing I am allowed to touch for the next 24 days….

3/23 Day 7

Yesterday evening , Mistress Natalia and Miss Rosa convoked me and it was again emotionally stressful even if I can see too well (some of) the strings pulled by the two manipulative and smart Dominas who seem to play in unison their art of domination. At least, Mistress Natalia enjoyed it which is what matters. I don’t know about Miss Rosa who seems to ignore me today… I did not sleep well mainly because all this is raising doubts about my compatibility with Mistress Natalia. I don’t think I am that kind of masochistic slave feeling pain all the time but who at least gets a turn on from the suffering even if no pleasure… I can do a lot sacrifices and get pain to please but not permanently and I cannot deny who I am: I am not looking for pleasure for myself but what if my desire gets affected ?

Comments
  1. declan says:

    Never tire of reading about your exploits frenchy… you are an excellent writer and your struggle and submission come through beautifully. Thank you for sharing.

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