My chastity log – part 2.

Posted: April 25, 2016 by frenchy in Feel the Hellfire, Sadist's Delight, Submissive Thoughts

In this continuation of my chastity log, I shamelessly show  an uncontrollable lust inspired by an irresistible desire and need of being the property of  Mistress Natalia. The style is confused, rough and with repetitions of words that can only show a loss of self control and display how my obsession for Her is enhanced by my chastity state. When I reread it, I can only imagine how amused She must have been to see the powerful impact of Her control on my arousal and how I am conflicted between the urges of my body and my need to please and obey Her. Maybe it should be kept in mind that this log was originally written exclusively for Mistress Natalia. However She has decided to expose my predicaments here for Her amusement and yours. I hope you enjoy it.

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2/25 Day 1

There is not much to say about yesterday except that Mistress Natalia is always in my mind during the day and when I wake up in the middle of the night which makes he constraint of chastity felt sharper. Of course I therefore miss Her when She is not around. Still I was happy to be able to say a quick hello yesterday and that she is back in NYC. I can’t wait to see Her again and I know my heart will race when She will appear online. I feel like my thirst of Her will never be quenched but is only getting stronger …

2/26 Day 2

Mistress Natalia is settling both in my mind and my heart and I care a lot for Her happiness but She was apparently not feeling great yesterday. My heart tightened to hear that. I hope She will recover soon from the tiredness of the last few days and feel better. There is nothing like seeing her laugh, smile and be happy…

Like each morning now, my head filled up with thoughts of Her when I woke up. The realization of Her grip on my mind, Her power over me, my willingness and my hunger to obey Her commands  fueled an erection for Her that got even stronger from the knowledge I was restricted to touch and that the my penis is Her property … I wanted to touch at least my testicles but I did know whether I was allowed to and I therefore could not … instead I kept the thought  of being Hers in my mind until I had to go in the shower

3/1 Day 6

I miss Mistress Natalia so much. Finding myself needy and weak, I have been trying to stay away from SL since Mistress Natalia is not around. But I am unable to focus on anything as the frustrating sensations of my penis and balls forced to chastity keep distracting me. I am needy of Mistress Natalia. More than anything I crave to serve and to be near Her and that She uses or abuses me. Feeling desperately ready to give her the keys of my kinks She would demand to make me even more vulnerable or manipulable and be totally at Her mercy as I find myself so weak that I would have no resistance against any of Her whims.

3/4 Day 9

I am pretty much in the same state except that it is getting worse. I am desperate to serve Mistress Natalia and be near Her. The chastity, the sperm getting stuck and drying out in my testicles are making me more desperate every morning and every night or when I have time alone for myself…I can’t concentrate on anything….

3/5 Day 0

In a moment of pure generosity, Mistress Natalia allowed me have an orgasm during the week-end with the condition I do not use my hands. I was so grateful and happy of Mistress Natalia’s kindness to allow me this relief although I would have been as happy to suffer more for her if she had desired it. Also, I could not help but feel my admiration for her way to always add a challenge to spice up Her directions. This challenge of not using my hands kept me preoccupied most of the next few hours after I read Mistress Natalia’s message and so even when I was at Carnegie Hall yesterday evening for a Flamenco concert. This tells how much my chastity state would not let me focus much on anything….

So I tried to think of all the ways I could use to get an erection and eventually cum without using my hands to stimulate my penis. From using the heel of my right foot to rub myself – but I could only hit my testicles which did stimulate me but a wrong move would hurt a lot and ruin everything – or rubbing myself against a furniture, the edge of the bath tube or even a door or a wall, I felt myself several times quite pathetic and desperate during the late evening. I also thought about using mental auto suggestions and I discovered that sometimes just repeating myself over and over again “I am Mistress Natalia’s property” or any variation of it invoking my obedience would put me in a plenitude state of arousal and make my penis grow hard as if each time I said the sentence I was stroking my penis. I also tried to squeeze my penis between my thighs and twist and squirm my body to create a stimulation….

However given the constraint, I could not have enough privacy to be able to reach orgasm so I waited the Saturday morning when I was by myself. The night had been quite agitated and I could feel my blue balls aching for release more than ever. I eventually used the corner of my mattress that I humped desperately, groaning and moaning widely without holding back to reach the orgasm that I needed so much. I imagined Mistress Natalia watching me and how hilarious that would have been for her to see me in that state. That humiliating thought finished to complete my arousal until I came inside my underwear which I filled with warm and white thick sperm, unloading the weight of frustration I was carrying these last ten days….

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3/7 Day 2

After getting the release of Saturday morning, the week-end went smoothly with no longer having to struggle with the constantly reminded frustration sitting in my testicles. Even the morning erections felt much healthier (I noticed that – contrary to what I thought – when I am in chastity for more than a week or so my erections do not happen as often without physical stimulation or direct tease). It was a relief to be able to focus on other things when needed to. I am so grateful to Mistress Natalia for allowing me this release. My increasing love for Her has no equal but my devotion and my desire to please Her more than anything. I know it is a challenging journey to serve Her but it is one of the most exciting I ever had and I am immensely grateful to Her to have taken me in it.

3/9 Day 4

Yesterday was a busy day and I did not have much to think about my chastity state. However this morning, I really felt the need to play with myself again and it took me a lot of effort to resist the temptation. I was even going to fail but once in the bathroom I could hold myself thanks to the thought of Mistress Natalia and went to take my shower as usual. I feel that keeping this chastity state into a regular thing is more difficult on the long run than I expected and it is getting to me. Only  for Mistress Natalia can I do this with the desire to submit to Her will and not disappoint Her. I need to keep winning this fight against the animal urges of my body and the lust of my mind. How long will I be able to do that without begging Mistress Natalia for relaxing this constant restriction?

3/10 Day 5

It is only 5 days and I feel the urge to ejaculate as if the few times (three times) I had the opportunity to do so in the last 30 days did not allow me to ever empty my testicles. It is as if the frustration is pilling up in my flesh making my mind blur and confused, unable to focus on the usual and making me weak and more submissive than ever.

I have to deal with my sexual frustration and my deep desire to please Mistress Natalia. I hope that I will find the strength to stay chaste as long as Mistress Natalia wants. I would just feel so bad or even sad to disappoint or displease Her. I do not care about my sexual pleasure. I only care about Her but my body is my enemy here in making me physically weak and frustrated like a devil tempting me at every corner. I need so much to stop feeling the teases of my flesh between my thighs….

Mistress Natalia is gone for a week and I will miss Her so much. Miss Rosa will be controlling me during Her absence and she has given me already instructions that will surely challenge even more my chastity state. I will have to seek for energy and strength in me to be able to hold it. I will do whatever it takes to draw them from my passion and devotion to please my Mistress.

 

 

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